Not Dying Without My Permission

Morgan's POV

They were all watching me in excitement. I was just exhausted. I needed a bath, food, and sleep. I needed safety first.

Azriel packaged the sheets, the council congratulating him as they soon started to leave one by one.

“At least it's not just words of mouth anymore. I now have proof that this pack is mine. Thank you, Queen Morgan.”

He said, turning to head out.

I had nothing to say. I had no words. I was trying to come to terms with my new reality.

“Let me know when you're done making things hard for yourself.”

The door closed, and he was out.

I was just left there.

I rose to my feet, in so much pain, and I headed straight to my chambers. It was just how I left it.

Quickly, I took a bath that lasted hours. I just sat there, contemplating if I should drown or not. It was the longest bath ever, it even felt like I was floating at one point in the tub.

My legs eventually carried me out, clean and I dressed up properly. My next need was food, so I got some and satisfied myself, it also seemed to take away the slight headache I was feeling.

The moment the last spoonful decorated my throat, my eyes closed, and I headed right into a deep slumber.

I was awakened by noise outside my door, and guards breaking in. I was too disoriented to even realize what was going on until I was bundled by them and taken straight to Azriel's chambers again.

They left after I was thrown inside his room, and he was busy sipping a cup of tea while looking at me like I was the ugliest, unappealing thing he had ever seen.

Just like that, I was officially at his mercy.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I proceeded to ask. If I was going to die, I might as well open my mouth and use it.

He dropped his tea, and he soon approached me with the chains. I didn't bother fighting, I just let him do whatever he wanted.

“I need you in my line of sight.”

That pissed me the fuck off when he finished chaining me.

“You don't even look at me! You just make me kneel here and suffer all night. You're cruel!”

“I gave you a chance to have a shower and eat. Shut the fuck up. You thought I didn't have it in me to drag you back here after the nonsense you did earlier today, tearing those documents apart? You should be grateful to me, and again, shut your mouth.”

The same thing he did last night, I had to watch, and this time around, I cried blood.

I cried silently till my eyes reddened and swelled. Azriel was making me hopelessly cry.

When I woke up the next morning in that same position he left me, a concubine was sleeping in his arms on his bed.

Just…wow. True anger and jealousy consumed me, all for a man treating me like shit. She soon left and he rose to his feet.

I watched with uncertainty, with spite.

After he freshened up for the day, he unchained me.

“You may go. Consider watching your back. It's me against you now, and I mean it.”

I was so done. I had no desire to fight, to live, to breathe. I was barely even eating, but of course, Azriel didn't care.

I stayed in my room for several days. What was the point in coming out if you were just going to be made fun of?

I let every depressed, sinking thought consume and fill me, until they started to look like the only truth and the way.

I should die. I should end my misery. I should end this hell I'm in.

Pains clothed me, and I was scalding hot, internally and externally, all my organs were boiling, fever fast approaching.

Apparently I had been sick without my knowledge, almost dead on my bed. I needed warmth, but I couldn't bring myself to seek it, to cover myself with warm sheets.

I just didn't care. I was going to die anyway.

With my last strength and zeal, I dragged myself to my window. I saw the ground, how awesome it would feel to land on it, broken bones, dead and forgotten within minutes. For a girl full of zeal and anger for most of her life, it suddenly sounded like bliss.

I was just about to throw myself right out of it when unbelievably, I was pulled back, and I fell into thick, warm arms.

I was carried like a baby, with care, away.

“You're not dying without my permission.” I heard his voice from the distance, or was it near, like right in my ear? I was too exhausted.

Now he wouldn't let me die either?

We seemed to travel for what felt like a long distance until we arrived, somewhere i recognized well, even in my condition. My old bathroom. Well, his now.

He lowered me carefully to my feet, and he stood behind me.

“You're burning up.” He said, reaching for my clothes and taking it all down. He lowered me in a bath, and he got in with me in only shorts.

The water started to heal me in a soothing way. When he touched me, I flinched, barely. I was soulless, and I had lost my voice.

“I despise you…just let me…leave me alone…”

“I made you cry,”

I heard his voice from behind me, his warm breath hitting my ears.

“Why do you keep bringing out the beast in me? Hmmm? Here, rest on my chest. I'm sorry my queen.”

He was right behind me, leaning against the tub, while he pressed me to him gently, my hair right on his chest as he offered me extra warmth from his body. I leaned on him.

“Stop calling me that. Stop it, just stop.” I managed to mutter, but he ignored it.

He had a good fill of my arms, running his hands through them.

“You're losing weight. You've lost so much.”

“Shocker.”

Then he burst out laughing, and I kind of liked it. It was beautiful, so him, raw and great.

“You have ruined my life. I will never forgive you for what you did to me.”

“Sure that's okay, but you have to stay alive to fight me.”

“No—”