lost in thoughts and memories

Neil’s POV

To say I was speechless would be an understatement.

Since the day I learned that my mother was killed by my father I made a mental decision to reject my mate the moment I met her, because I was not willing to risk her life just because I was a selfish bastard. I was honestly afraid that I could turn out to be a monster like my father, because in our world only a monster was capable of killing his or her mate.

So, I would say the decision to reject my mate was a completely logical one on my side. Better to be rejected than murdered in my opinion even though I did hear rumors here and there than being rejected was sometimes even worse than death in itself.

The rejection supposedly left your soul empty and there was no happiness left in you. In time you turn into a vicious beast that cares for nothing and no one. That was not the best option either, but I was adamant to believe that those rumors were just that. Rumors. You know what they say, you tell yourself anything just to make an excuse for your actions or something like that.

But when the smell of roses and vanilla hit my nose, my mind and wolf were going in all other directions as far away from rejection as possible. And in that moment even I could not come up with a good enough reason to reject her. She was beautiful. Long blond curls that were barely held back from her eyes, and a long slender body, filled out in all the right places. I could see little bits of ink peaking out from the ends of her dress, more specifically where her sleeves ended a few inches too short to hide it all and by her collar bone that was exposed for my and everyone else’s eyes to see. All I wanted to do was get her out of those confining clothes and trace every line of ink with my fingers and tongue, I wanted to get acquainted with her body on a much deeper level than I ever felt with anyone. But then she spoke those beginning words of rejection and for the first time I looked into those beautiful but soulless eyes. Her eyes were an amazing green color that reminded me of something, but I just could not put my finger on it. It felt like I had it in front of my nose, but it was escaping my reach each time I came closer.

For now, I decided to put it in the back of my mind and deal with it a bit later.

But when I looked at her eyes, I suddenly knew I was not going to be able to resist this she wolf. She was mine to cherish and to love and the Moon Goddess made her for me. There was no way I was throwing away such a perfect gift. Even though I could sense she was stubborn I knew I could be as well.

Somehow deep in the pit of my stomach I could feel she was the answer to all the questions I had about my father and his cooperation with the rogues, and I also knew she was important to me now and in the future. How I knew? No idea. Like I said it was just this extremely strong feeling in the pit of my stomach, telling me so, and I learned a long time ago to always trust my feelings. People lie and deceive you, but your feelings do not.

What shocked me most in all this drama was one fact that I only realized later when the woman named Jessy took us to our rooms. I asked her about this mysterious woman that looked completely heartless and soulless to an outsider, and she chuckled at me while she shook her head. With a soft but somehow sad smile on her face she briefly turned my way before she answered my question, “That Alpha Neil, would be Alpha Alice Hell, the famous ruthless Princess and our beloved leader.”

And that little bit of information left me speechless for hours. My mate was one of the most feared Alphas in the whole kingdom. I guess you could say we shared first place of the most feared ones but at the same time, most respected as well.

Those were qualities that I always admired in others. The fact that she builds her reputation on respect combined with fear was something to be proud of. Even more so since she was a woman. As bad as it might sound, our kind was still not to open minded about female wolves leading our packs, which in my opinion was pure bullshit. Sometimes a woman was more capable of running everything than her male mate. And it has been proven to be true so many times in the past few decades. Even though we always called our Alpha females Lunas, in many cases the Luna was the real person behind the whole success of a pack, but the fact that she was a female prevented her from taking the credits for the things she had done for herself and the pack. So, women did the hard work in many cases, but everyone was patting Alphas on the back.

But back to the problem at hand. My mate. The beautiful but ruthless Princess as everyone called her.

I knew bits and pieces about the history of her and her pack. Once upon a time her family was the royal family and was the one that ruled over every pack, and they could replace any alphas and lower ranking wolves they did not fit for the role of leading a pack. But supposedly, her grandfather put together a law, where her family would step down as the royals and would tear apart the monarchy, making us a bit more democratic you could say. Now it was just a few dozen normal equal packs. No one was above anyone, except for that rogue King who thought of himself as something bigger.

I also knew her former leading pack members were killed in an attack that was orchestrated from one of the wolves in higher ranking, but details were unknown to the public. Still, it was enough to understand why someone would become as ruthless as she was. Someone orchestrated a murderer’s spree on everyone she loved and everything she knew. She had to step in the shoes of being an Alpha on the day she received her wolf and since I was struggling all these years after receiving my wolf, I could not even imagine how it felt for her to be put in that role at such a young age.

At this point, I was just wandering aimlessly around the huge pack house with no destination in mind. I just had to clear my head from all the thoughts that kept rolling in my head. As I was just about to enter the kitchen, judging by the smell of bacon, another smell hit me. Roses and vanilla.

And the smell alone awoke my wolf that started pacing around inside my head and nagging me to follow her scent. I rounded the corner and was shocked at what I saw.

There in the middle of the kitchen stood my mate, an Alpha wolf, with an apron tied around her waist, laughing with the Omegas and preparing breakfast. Now you need to know one thing about us Alpha’s. We can smell anyone, and we can detect their ranking just by their smell, and the fun part is that no one else can smell us maybe that is why it did not occur to me that Alice was most likely the Alpha of this pack, because I could still smell her. Not because she was not from Alpha blood, but because she was my mate.

But right now, I was so caught up in my thoughts that I forgot that little fact about mates, because if I could smell her, she could smell me as well, and that is why I was shocked at first when she spoke, “Are you just going to stand there like a spoiled Alpha or are you going to help? We do not tolerate spoiled brats in our pack Alpha Neil.”

Now you see, this was the other part that scared me. She knew who I was and what was stopping her from rejecting me now? I guess I would just have to go the old fashioned way around my mate and try to make her fall in love with me before she decides to reject me. It sounds easy right?