Chapter 4

Felix was at a loss for words. After a brief pause, he said, “I just thought that if we were going to be together, this was something we needed to consider. Once we got married, we would have to think about having kids. You can’t expect to keep working ER shifts while you’re pregnant.”

Nikki’s voice stayed calm.

“That’s what you want. It isn’t what I want. You never discussed it with me, and you don’t get to make that decision for me.”

The tension at the table turned unbearable.

Felix’s expression darkened. He had clearly been embarrassed, and his voice grew colder.

“If I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. But everything I said was because I was seriously thinking about our future together.”

Nikki felt her chest tighten.

For some time, she had sensed that something between her and Felix wasn’t quite right. At last, she understood why.

They wanted different things out of life.

At twenty-nine, she couldn’t choose someone simply because he seemed like the sensible choice.

Nikki rose from her seat and faced Mr. and Mrs. Zeller.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m the right fit for your family. I truly apologize.”

She picked up her bag and walked away.

The moment she stepped outside, she nearly collided with Vivian.

They looked directly at each other.

A faint, unreadable smile touched Vivian’s lips. Her eyes traveled over Nikki from head to toe, as if she were appraising something for sale, or checking over someone she believed she had already defeated.

Nikki could feel Vivian’s smug satisfaction.

She didn’t stop to engage with her. She simply walked past.

Vivian watched Nikki leave, and her smile slowly faded.

A moment later, Felix came rushing out. His face was dark with frustration as he hurried past Vivian.

Vivian looked up and saw Sean standing on the second floor.

His eyes followed Nikki’s retreating figure, and there was something in his expression Vivian had never seen before.

Her heart clenched.

His warning from earlier still echoed in her mind.

“If you go running to my mom again and fill her head with nonsense, I promise you this. You’ll lose everything you have, piece by piece.”

Vivian took a slow breath and forced every rising emotion back down.

A few moments later, Sean came downstairs.

He placed Eli in her arms and spoke in a flat voice.

“I’m going out.”

Before Vivian could respond, he was already heading for the door.

She stood there holding Eli, her eyes burning as she pressed her lips together and said nothing.

Outside, Nikki stood at the curb, waiting for a rideshare.

Felix caught up to her and stepped into her path.

Sean stopped a short distance away and moved into the shadow of a nearby column.

“Let’s leave things here,” Nikki said calmly. “The hospital is large enough for us to avoid each other. There’s no reason for this to be awkward.”

Felix looked unwilling to let it end.

“So you don’t want to see me anymore?”

“We were getting to know each other to see whether we were a good match. Now we know that we aren’t.”

Nikki looked at him, her voice calm and completely without warmth.

“Dr. Zeller, you’re a decent man. You understand how adults handle these things. I hope you find someone who is a better match for you.”

Her words were clear and final.

Felix was silent for a few seconds. Then he asked, “Are you really ending this because we’re not right for each other? Or is there another reason?”

Nikki looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

“We haven’t spent much time together these past three months, but you’ve always seemed distant. Like you never really let me in.” Felix kept his eyes on her. “Is there someone else?”

Nikki’s heart lurched, as though someone had suddenly ripped open an old wound she thought had already healed.

But her face gave nothing away. Not even her eyes betrayed her.

“You’re overthinking it.”

Behind the column, Sean’s breath caught.

“I did some digging,” Felix said, his voice sharpening. “Back when you were in medical school, you had an ex-boyfriend who was one of the top students at the aviation school. People said the two of you had a passionate, unforgettable romance. Is that why you’ve been acting this way?”

Nikki’s fingers curled at her sides.

“Ex-boyfriend.”

“A passionate, unforgettable romance.”

Hearing those words from someone else made it sound like a story about a stranger.

After enough pain, numbness set in. The memories that had once kept her awake all night no longer had the power to shake her.

She gave a faint, indifferent smile.

“Like you said, he’s just an ex. As far as I’m concerned, he’s as good as dead. Why would I remember him?”

“As good as dead.”

“Why would I remember him?”

Sean stood in the shadows and heard every word.

Each one cut straight through him.

The March wind brushed past him, and a coldness spread through his chest.

By the time he came back to himself, Nikki was already in a rideshare, disappearing into traffic.

*

The moment Nikki got home, Jane called.

Jane had been Nikki’s best friend since high school. She now taught at a film school in the city.

“So? How did things go with Dr. Zeller’s parents?”

“Don’t ask about him.” Nikki sank onto the small couch. “There’s nothing between us anymore.”

Jane sounded stunned.

“It ended that fast? Why? He seemed like a decent guy.”

“It’s hard to explain,” Nikki said tiredly. “We’re just not right for each other.”

There was a beat of silence on the other end.

Then Jane lowered her voice.

“Tell me the truth. Are you still hung up on that bastard?”

Nikki gave a bitter smile.

“No.”

Nikki pressed her lips together. As if she needed to prove it, she added, “Even if he were standing right in front of me, I wouldn’t feel a thing.”

Jane clicked her tongue.

“I don’t buy it. Do you think I don’t know you? You keep telling yourself you’re over him, but you’re not.”

She paused for a moment.

“Girl, I grew up in the same town you did. I know you better than anyone. You’ve only ever rebelled three times in your life.”

Jane had always been more sensitive and perceptive than Nikki. Nikki had always liked listening to her talk.

Nikki propped herself up on one elbow.

“That’s interesting. Go on.”

“When we left that little town for the city, you didn’t tell your parents. You were always the good daughter who did exactly what she was told. Your parents wanted you to stay close to home and become a teacher, but you insisted on going to med school. That was the first time you ever rebelled.

“Then, during your first year of college, you met Sean. You were the one who went after him. You made something that should have been impossible happen. That was the second time.

“And later, after everything that happened...” Jane hesitated, and her voice softened. “That was your third.

“Have you ever noticed that two of the three times you rebelled were because of the same man?”

Nikki fell silent.

She had never looked at herself that way before.

But now that Jane had laid it all out, Nikki realized that most of the times she had stepped outside the life planned for her had something to do with Sean.

“So when you say you wouldn’t feel anything if he stood in front of you, that’s just something you tell yourself,” Jane said. “Because if that day ever came...”

“It already did.”

Nikki sat up straighter, suddenly determined to prove her point.

“A few days ago, his wife came into the ER. I treated her. He was standing right in front of me, and I treated him like a stranger.”

“Sean’s wife?” Jane’s voice shot up. “But Sean isn’t married.”