I like Mending Hearts last album. I like it a lot, more than I’ll ever admit to any living soul. Maybe that’s why I’m seated on the floor with Jason, trying to duet with him.
One, it will make Amelia happy because it means I’m getting along with her man. Two, it’s an excuse to sing one of their songs without anyone growing suspicious. Three, I’m out of practice. Four, I miss singing.
“Fine,” I mutter. Keeping up the façade of disgust is easy. Amelia almost choked on her cake when Jason suggested we joined the #mendingheart challenge on TicToc. They released only the chorus to their new song and the internet has gone mad. “I’ll do it if Amelia sings. Otherwise, it’s a big no.”
I’m barely done talking when Amelia grabs the remote from the table. The candles on Mace’s birthday cake flickers. They turned his birthday to a mini concert and I love it.
Am
“Have you checked your video?” Jason asks.“What video?”Jason pats his guitar one last time, then hands it over for me to repeat the strokes he played earlier. My mind is foggy as my fingers touch a string. He slides down to the floor in front of the couch I’m seated, legs pushing up and arms folded on his knees.“The TicToc video,” he replies. They were able to convince me to upload it. Now my face is out there on the internet for anyone to see. “Are you sure you don’t need to create an Instaagram account? You can repost your TicToc videos to the app.”“No, thanks. I’m fine.” I send a look of help to Amelia. She curls in the single sofa, her smile spreading as she nods for me to start.I don’t want to fill my head with negatives, but Amelia doesn’t seem okay. Not to me. My fingertips brushes the chord and a soft sound travels through the air. She
CALUMScott treads the same line he did minutes ago. At this rate, he will wear a hole into the carpet. He stops by the window and shoves a hand into his pocket. Head bent over his phone, he groans for what should be the thousandth time. I don’t need to be with him to know he’s on TicToc again. He has been raving about this new kid he needs in the label. I don’t give a fuck. Well, I do.But it’s not as important as finding Cathy.Whenever I think of her, a mental block rises. This time is no different. I press two fingers to my temple, and the throbbing in my head fades to a dull pounding. I’m stuck in a limbo between finding her and letting her go. The doctor is convinced a physical meeting might do the trick. But how will that happen when she doesn’t exist except in fragments of my memories?She moved from Wells. Her dad quit his job. I can’t find her on any social media. She couldn’t have change
CALUMMama Mace blocked me. Either that or she no longer exists on TicToc. It’s my fault. I knew I shouldn’t have liked that video with my main account. I search for the name and username but nothing shows up.I refresh the page.Same result. People that are not her. More usernames with digits. I close the app and open BC. GC is strictly for girls and I’m not about to pretend to be some girl seeking for help. I need her to know it’s me when she sees the post. What are the odds she will? I guess I’ll have to keep making those posts to find out.I massage my neck, turn my head to the left, then the right, until I hear a crack. Much better. I’m home alone. Sam invited me to his flat since Lucas was coming over to play games, but I refused. I need answers.Mum can help.I banish that thought as fast as it comes. I’m not talking to her. She knew and she didn’t say anythin
Today will be good. I know that because it doesn’t take much to put Mace to sleep. I tilt my head back on the top of the couch and place a hand on Mace’s rocking chair.Footsteps pound against the floor, growing louder as the person approaches me. I keep my eyes closed as Amelia plops down on the couch. She nudges me with a knee but I squeeze my eyes tighter. Maybe she will take the hint and leave me be for today.“There’s a new post from the same guy,” she says. I ignore her. “You should reply, Cathy.”A few days ago, someone by the name of Calum Dissick created an account on BC, that itself is unusual because what are the odds? The same name? His profile picture is a landscape picture but his username is a mix of his first and last name. Nothing to worry or think about. It can’t be him.What caught the staff’s attention was his first post. It was long. The longest post from any of t
Dear Calum Dissick,I’m writing this email to prove to Amelia that you are an asshole. A bloody wanker. I hated you yesterday, I hate you today and I will hate you tomorrow. I’ll hate you everyday. For the love of God, stop writing those letters. I don’t want to talk to you.Please find attached to this email pictures of your son. Unfortunately, we have a kid together. His name is Mace. Amelia named him. I would prefer if you didn’t show up but for the sake of everyone asking that I let you know about your son, I’m doing this. They don’t know you like I do and I know you won’t reply this. It’s over for us, isn’t it? You moved on, sold out stadiums, got popular, got a girlfriend. You’re living your best life and you’re doing that without me. Why should I let you into my life now?We made so many plans and promises. Cal. How could you do that to me, your baby?Tears drop to the keyb
CALUMCathy hasn’t called me. Do I put down my full number? But it might attract the wrong people. I already got a few prank calls.I shove more clothes into my box. A few times, my gaze drifts to the phone on the wrinkled bedsheet. Why won’t it ring? Did she see the post? I dump a shirt in my box without folding it and pick up the phone.The post from that day has garnered tons of insults, comments, and some gifts. What if she saw it and couldn’t be bothered? I type in a shorter version of the message I left. If there was an option to privatise my post, I would, but that lessens the chances of her seeing it. But Lord knows I’m tired of half the comments in the thread telling me to suck it up. I don’t want to suck anything up except she’s the one sucking me up. I miss everything about that girl. She’s my all.Done folding the clothes, I drag my box to the living room. The driver will be here to take us a
Amelia leaves for Wells today, this morning. We talk, but our relationship isn’t the same. I pick up Mace on my way to her room. She can’t resist the little man.I knock once and open without waiting for an invitation. Amelia’s back is to me, her body slouched over the box she shoves clothes into. The material of her tank clings to her skin, highlighting how bony she has become. I clear my throat, and she jerks up. Before turning, she throws on a jacket first.“Hey, Cathy.”“Hey, Amelia Greene.”Her walls are adorned with portraits of us. Mace. Mace and her. Mace and me. Mace, me and her. Ashley and Amelia. I breathe through my lips and cover the gap. Mace squiggles in my arms and I drop him to the floor. He rolls onto his back. I think he will start crawling soon. He has been showing signs. I help him onto his knees and hands.“Come on, Macey. Crawl,” Amelia coos.
CALUMLondon is the same as I remember. Loud, bubbly, with its citizens rushing off like they all have an emergency. We arrived a few hours ago. The boys crashed once they were shown their room, but me, I haven’t been able to sleep a wink. Not even on the flight here.I fluff some pillows, plant my head between two of them and force myself to sleep. My brain is a mess, my mind is a sea of images and memories. Scott hasn’t found the PI yet but he’s working on it. I make an X sign on my chest with my arms. If Cathy was here, what would she say? You need to rest, Cal.Her sweet, soft, seductive voice is a lamp in the darkness inside my head. My eyes shut. The next time they open, grey clouds hover outside my window. I stagger to the window and pull the curtains close. My brain is muddled, and my body feels like jelly. I stub my toe against the box I left on the floor and hop on one foot to the bed. Pain skyrockets through my feet as I settle d