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He moved closer and held my chin. Indulging each moment, he lifted my chin and snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me close.I let out a gasp as I looked at his eyes; clouded by crepuscular feelings. Time passes slowly as if it has stopped. He moved closer and our lips brushed against each other. My dried lips made contact with his delicate lips as he kissed me. My first kiss to a guy who is almost a decade older than me. My first kiss to a person who doesn't love me...The kiss started with delicacy but held no emotions. He moved his experienced lips tenderly and dazzlingly. But when he kissed me and I stood still; frozen as a tear threatened to fall but I didn’t let it. His hand cupped my cheek to deepen the kiss- or I thought so. He wiped the tear that was present on the corner of my eye and pulled away. ‘What the- Does it even matter when I have sold myself?’For a second I thought it was love but I know it better than anyone else that love is impossible in this toxic
“And you will satisfy my desires from now on.”He continued that soothing action but to me it was torture. His touch has only one thing in my heart; repugnance.The feelings he has induced within me in just a few moments made me petrified because if I can't spend a few moments with him, how can I spend the rest of my life?What is killing me the most is that his touch is not rough at all. It was tender. He was gently moving his hands. “I know…”Touching me softly, treasuring me but not loving me. The touch was affectionate but not loving. I can't understand his intentions.“Exactly. All authority to your
My eyes slowly opened when the sunlight penetrated through the curtains. I adjusted my vision and the realization hit me like a truck.I realized that my soul is corrupt now. I have lost my innocence, my purity.‘I successfully bargained for my virginity.’I have just survived the most horrendous night of my life. Depression took over me in just one day, I'll turn insane but I have no choice but to keep these feelings in my heart and bear this undesirable feeling of being used over and over again.I shifted my gaze and saw Christian standing in front of me. My eyes widened in horror as I quickly sat up and pulled the duvet over me to hide my exposed form.
My throat dried and my body became numb. Not wanting to face him again, I went to the library again. I began to pace around it in stress.As I was pacing, Samuel came,"Ma'am, Sir is waiting for you in the dining hall." My heart skipped a beat as my body began to shake in fear.I don't want to face him, It's scaring me.I bit my cheeks and went to the dining hall. He was sitting on the head of the house chair. He has changed into a casual shirt and trousers. I muster some courage and walked closer,"Welcome Home." I said in a low voice. He looked at me with a mystifying yet surprised gaze.“What?” He asked, blinking in confusion.
My eyes flutter open along with an aching pain in my body. I tried to shift but I felt a hand restricting my movements. I bit my lips to bear this repugnant and seething feeling.'What do you truly want?' I turned and saw Christian face so close to mine. My heart skipped a beat as I shifted myself away from him as far as I could but his grip didn't let me go very far.Feeling disgusted, I looked at him with loathe. But his eyes were closed as he was sleeping peacefully.'By destroying my sleep you are enjoying a lull?'I noticed his flawless features that are so appealing that one can bend itself before it. The looks, mastered in capturing anyone just by looking at them beguilingly. As if
‘I felt good when he touched me.’"I didn't!""I didn't!""I didn't like it!""I hate it! I hate you!"I continued to cry as I felt extreme dislike and revulsion for myself to find this disgusting intimacy pleasurable."I didn't like it.." I said as I leaned on the door, letting the tears fall down.I looked down and after a few seconds, I began to scratch where he touched me. I let out loud sobs of dejection."I didn't like it.""I didn't like it.""I didn't like it."
My petite form continued to convulse as he rested his forehead against mine and closed his eyes for a second.“Why..? Am I too harsh? Too rough? I believe I told you to let me know if I am.” He said, tone softening.Everything calmed down in that moment, the tiny spark of affection was shown in him as we remained like that in the dark room. “Was I?” He asked again and swallowing hard, I shook my head in denial.“Then why do you act if I forced you? Didn’t I stop yesterday or before it as well?” He asked with our silence that somewhat, for the first time, serene me as I stopped quivering for a second, looking away.“Do you truly want me to show you how it feels to be forced? I have your written consent and
Christian POV:-I don't want her to be hurt, I know I hurt her the most but if she hurt herself, I won't be able to face her.I don't want to love her, she can never remove those apprehensions of my heart and I will never let her too. I will do whatever I can, just to make sure that she doesn't love me, even if it involves hurting her.But she hates me even if I have done nothing.That's why I felt relieved when she hated my touch. I was happy that there are no chances that she can love me.She felt disgust and hate for me. That intense detest can never be removed and it worked in my favor as I don't have to go through that feeling of betray