FAZER LOGINPOV: Vivian AshfordI spend Saturday morning watching him.Not in person. On my laptop, in the Silver Lake apartment, with my coffee going cold beside me, pulling up every piece of footage I can find from the past ten months. Press interviews, red carpet moments, the Forbes interview, the clip from the board meeting hallway, the #SterlingBrothersWar footage from the office.I watch them in order.I watch them the way I watch footage of my own performances, which is analytically, the specific skill of someone who has been trained to read bodies and faces and the gap between what a person says and what a person means, and what I see when I apply that skill to Chase Sterling across ten months of public footage is something I have been too close to see before.He hurts after.Every single time.The Forbes interview, the pull quote moment, he is smooth and pleasant and the interviewer is charmed, and then there is a cut to him standing outside the building afterward and his face in the two
POV: Vivian AshfordI watch the hospital footage three times.Not the public footage, there is no public footage from inside the room, but the footage that exists in my memory, which I have been replaying since I got home last night with the specific quality of something you know you are going to be replaying for a long time.He said: I have loved you since the second semester of sophomore year.He said: I have not stopped for a single day since.He said: I don't know how to be this without hurting you.He said all of it with the flinch following each true thing, the physical cost of the spell making every honest sentence visible in his body, and I sat beside his bed and I held his hand and I watched it happen and I cried when he was asleep and I left before he woke up.And now I am on my couch in Silver Lake with my coffee and the ring on my finger and the footage playing in my head, and I am trying to figure out what to do with what I know.The problem is the following: he won't rem
POV: Vivian AshfordHelena calls me back within twenty minutes of Chase going quiet on the phone, which means she was monitoring, which means she knew this was going to happen and had contingencies in place, which is very Helena."He's all right," she says, before I can ask. "The spell's physical toll compounded with the curse's resistance. He needs medical attention and rest.""Hospital," I say."I've called an ambulance," she says. "Cedars has his records from the last visit.""I'm coming," I say.A pause. "Vivian. He won't remember what he said. When the spell ends, everything he said under it will feel like something that happened in a dream. He won't know he told you."I sit with that."I'm still coming," I say.He is in a room on the fourth floor when I arrive, pale and hooked to an IV with the monitors doing their work, and it is the second time I have sat beside a hospital bed of his making and both times feel nothing alike.The first time he was beside mine.This time the nur
POV: Vivian AshfordHelena calls me back within twenty minutes of Chase going quiet on the phone, which means she was monitoring, which means she knew this was going to happen and had contingencies in place, which is very Helena."He's all right," she says, before I can ask. "The spell's physical toll compounded with the curse's resistance. He needs medical attention and rest.""Hospital," I say."I've called an ambulance," she says. "Cedars has his records from the last visit.""I'm coming," I say.A pause. "Vivian. He won't remember what he said. When the spell ends, everything he said under it will feel like something that happened in a dream. He won't know he told you."I sit with that."I'm still coming," I say.He is in a room on the fourth floor when I arrive, pale and hooked to an IV with the monitors doing their work, and it is the second time I have sat beside a hospital bed of his making and both times feel nothing alike.The first time he was beside mine.This time the nur
POV: Chase SterlingHelena is furious.Not the quiet disappointed version of furious that she usually manages. The actual version, which I have seen exactly twice in my life, once when I was eight and broke something in her New Orleans kitchen that belonged to her grandmother, and once now, standing in my penthouse at nine in the morning with the Vegas photographs on every screen and her hands flat on my kitchen counter."The party," she says."I know," I say."You went to her bachelorette party," she says."I was at the hotel," I say."Chase.""I know," I say.She looks at me with the dark eyes and the silver-streaked hair and the twenty-three years of this specific exhaustion on her face, and then she does something I was not expecting, which is she reaches into the bag she carries and she takes out a small vial and she sets it on the kitchen counter between us.I look at it.Clear liquid. No label. The kind of container that could contain anything."What is that," I say."Something
POV: Vivian AshfordMarcus books the penthouse suite at the Aria for the whole weekend, which is the kind of gesture that sounds generous and functions as control, because a weekend in a suite Marcus paid for in a city Marcus chose for a party Marcus organized means that the entire event exists within Marcus's architecture, and I understood that when he offered and I said yes anyway because I did not have the energy to plan my own bachelorette party and someone offering to do it felt like relief.That was a month ago.Now I am standing on the balcony of the suite at eleven on a Friday night with a champagne glass and the Las Vegas skyline doing its excessive, beautiful thing below me, and inside there are twelve women I like to varying degrees and a DJ Marcus also hired, and the whole thing is very loud and very expensive and feels nothing like me.Sienna finds me on the balcony.She leans on the railing beside me and looks at the city and doesn't say anything, which is one of her bet
POV: Chase SterlingI don't read the coverage.This is new. For nine months I have read everything, the tabloids and the gossip accounts and the entertainment blogs, because reading it was a form of control, knowing what was out there, knowing what narrative was running. I stopped doing that someti
POV: Vivian AshfordI go to him two days later.Not because I planned to. I wake up on a Saturday morning and I lie in bed for an hour thinking about the rain and the blood on his face and the way he said please like it cost him something, and then I get up and I get dressed and I get in the car.H
POV: Vivian AshfordThe film gets a standing ovation and I cry in the bathroom afterward, which I will deny if anyone asks.It is the good kind of crying, the kind that happens when something you worked for actually lands the way you hoped it would, and I give myself three minutes with my back agai
POV: Vivian AshfordI find the photograph at seven in the morning with my first coffee, which is earlier than I usually check his name but which has been my habit since my mother told him about it and which I have not broken because breaking it would require admitting it exists in the first place.







