chapter 4

                                             

                                             

Immediately Declan regretted his actions towards the beautiful woman that had sat in front of him for exactly six minutes and thirty seconds, before muttering "F*ck this sh*t" and walking out.

                               

He was well aware that he'd treated her deplorably but his legs just wouldn't work, nor his brain or mouth, as he found himself continuing to sit there, downing his scotch.

                               

He automatically sent Nigella a text message and all it said was I f*cked up.  He knew at the very least, she would hold a grudge and he'd get an a$$ chewing, which he deserved.

                               

She replied right away with What did you do?!  He scoffed at the fact of her knowing him so well.  He told her honestly what he did and then she went silent.

                               

Sighing, he ordered another drink and once it was gone, he texted Nate and asked him to come and get him.

                               

I'll text you when I'm outside sir was Nates's response, so Declan sat there and nursed another drink while his thoughts beat him up over Amethyst Langston.

                               

That's all he ever did was think.  His mind went like a perpetual machine, twenty-four/seven, never relaxing and never shutting down.

                               

Once he arrived home, he went straight for his laptop and composed an email.

                               

To: Amethyst Langston ([e-mail]

From: Declan St. James ([e-mail])

Subject: Douchebag

                               

Ms. Langston,

Words cannot express how horribly I feel at my treatment of you this evening.

There is no way that you deserved that in any shape or form.

Again, I apologize.

                               

Sincerely Yours,

Declan St. James

CEO and President, DSJ Technologies

                               

His finger hovered above the SEND button and before he could talk himself out of it, he pressed it.

                               

Not knowing if he sent the email to make himself feel better or if he truly was sorry, he hadn't figured that part out yet, but nonetheless it needed to be done.

                               

All he knew was her face, the look of sheer hurt in her eyes, that was enough to make him feel awful and silently curse himself for the hundredth time.

                               

Taking a quick shower to rid himself of the remains of the day, he pulled on his sleep pants and fixed one more drink before going to bed.

                               

Stepping out onto his more than adequate balcony, he took a deep breath, held it for a moment and then released it, the cool air tickling his lungs.

                               

He gazed out over the massive landscaping and structures from his penthouse view, the enormity of space and at the same time that space was a precious commodity with all of the buildings, he watched the twinkling lights as they almost seemed to blink out an SOS.

                               

Throwing back the last sip, he walked back in, brushed his teeth and crawled into an empty bed.

                               

Not tired at all, he lay there in the dark, his arms resting behind his head, just thinking how differently his year had turned out.

                               

Instead of facing an empty bed and home alone, he was supposed to have been with her, his wife.

                               

But cancer had other ideas. In the end, he was thankful that it took her quickly, but still even after a year's time, it hurt fresh like it was yesterday.

                               

Once they'd found it, it was already Stage 4, in her breasts and lymph nodes. She was twenty-eight for Christ's sake and way too young to have faced this devastating illness.

                               

Even at the end, she maintained her dignity and poise and it didn't matter how bad she felt, she never snapped at him or treated him harshly.

                               

It came for her silently, in sleep. He awoke to find her, on her side, her hands folded under the side of her face, like she had just dozed off, facing him.

                               

No look of pain, only peace, her face smooth and young looking once more.

                               

Her mortal body was gone but he could still feel her everywhere and that's what scared him the most.

                               

What if he could never let anyone in like that again? Was he destined to be alone for the rest of his life?

                               

Seriously, if it weren't for Nigella, Murray and his company, he would be backpacking through Europe right now with a full on beard and no contact with civilization.

                               

He'd made up for the physical need at record speed but he never brought a woman back here, they always went to their homes.

                               

Finally he felt like he might could sleep and mentally prepared himself for Hurricane Nigella because she was going to come at him with everything she had and rightly so.

                               

Before sleep finally took him, his thoughts flashed back to Amethyst.

                               

She was an absolutely gorgeous woman. From her hair, to her legs, God those legs! And her eyes, they almost mirrored his in color and intensity.

                               

They also mimicked something else...pain.  How did he know this?  Because he had the same look in his eyes as well and it made him wonder what this beautiful woman had gone through to carry such a burden and weight.

                               

"I'm so sorry" he murmured through his sleepy haze.  His last thought was, if he made it through what Nig was going to give him, he would work very hard at not only righting the wrong but he wanted to know her.

*****

His throbbing and pounding head woke him around four-thirty in the morning, so he stumbled to his bathroom medicine cabinet and grabbed a bottle of pain relievers.

                               

Picking up the glass by the sink, he filled it half way and threw back the little orange pills and washed them down with the cool tap water.

                               

Deciding to go ahead and start his day, he turned on the shower and while it was heating up, he went and grabbed his suit, tie and shoes from the closet and laid them across his bed.

                               

The shower was definitely what he needed as he washed his firm and toned body with expensive body wash.

                               

He tried to use it sparingly as Elise had given it to him, on his birthday, right before she was diagnosed.  It reminded him of her and their trip to Paris, where she had purchased it.

                               

Once he was out and dressed, he asked Nate to swing into the local Starbuck's, knowing this day would call for the largest coffee they had and an extra shot of espresso.

                               

Murray was waiting for him when he arrived.  Good ol' Murray.  Declan wondered if the man ever really slept or if he just plugged himself into a docking station every night and recharged himself that way.

                               

Chuckling at his analogy of his head of security and best friend, they got down to business and before too long it was eight o'clock and Jan was furiously ringing his office phone.

                               

"Ms. Ambrose is on her way and well sir, she's mad" the concern in Jan's voice was not lost on him, but he had been expecting it.

                               

"It's okay Jan.  Just let her come in" Declan told his assistant.

                               

Murray was standing at the small conference table, smirking.

                               

"Damn Declan.  What in God's name could you have done to make Nig mad at you?"

                               

Before he could answer, tornado Nigella blew into his office, the door swinging and shuddering against the wall as it bounced to a close.

                               

"F*ck Declan!  I asked you not to hurt her!"