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Chapter 19
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Us Chapter 20
BROOKSWhen Crystal left, I sat in my explorer and thought about everything. I feel so damn bad for doing that to her. When I found out she was 17, I should have stopped thinking about sleeping with her. She is still a kid and I am a man. I shouldn't be feeling the way I do about her but I can't help it. There was something about her but I couldn't pinpoint what. When I was on my way home today, I turned the radio off and sat in silence trying to think and it hit me. I actually have real feelings for her. It wasn't the fact I wasn't getting laid that kept me from sleeping, it was not being close to her. I have to be close to her to function. I can't think unless I am with her and when I am not with her, she is all I can think about. I've been gone a week trying to distance myself from her but yet she has been the only thing that is on my mind. That's why I decided to talk to her when I got home. What in the f*ck am I going to do? I can't just walk up to her door and her dad answer an
Us Chapter 21
BROOKS It's been a little over a month since we were together. I have been having dreams about Crystal lately and it's driving me crazy because I don't normally dream and now that I am, I want what I have been dreaming about. I have to get up and go for a checkup at the VA and I don't want to go. I have one every 6 months unless I get sick. I got dressed and called my mom to let her know I was up and going to my appointment. When I got off the phone with her, I got in the car and headed out. As I was passing by Crystal's house, I saw her sitting outside on the back porch. She looked like she was sick. I slowed down and she looked up and gave me a faint smile. I asked if she was ok and she said she was waiting on her dad to take her to the doctor. I told her I was headed to my 6-month checkup and I would be back in a few hours. She said she would call me when she gets home. I blew her a kiss and headed to the VA. When I pulled up at the VA, I took a deep breath as I got out of the ca
Us Chapter 22
CRYSTAL It's been a week and my viral infection is gone, but I haven't seen or heard from Brooks. I chose not to call him because I was still a little hurt at his relief. I know I am not ready for a baby and I know he could get in trouble if anyone found out about us, but now I feel like he doesn't really want to be with me. How could I have been so stupid? I gave in and gave him what I knew deep down he wanted. I think if he tries to contact me, keeping my distance from him for a while might be a good idea. I sat down on the rail on my front porch and opened my journal. I started sketching the bushes in front of my house and as I was looking at them I saw his SUV. I put my head down and tried to avoid any looks if he was looking this way. I peeked to see if he was gone and the coast was clear. I went back to sketching the bushes and when I finished I asked my dad if I could go for a walk. He told me he didn't care and I headed out the door. I decided to walk down the road instead o
Us Chapter 23
BROOKSI don't understand why she got so upset at my relief when she said she wasn't pregnant. I mean she is 17 and I am 21, she knows we can't get caught. I know she is falling in love with me but I can't fall for her. This was all supposed to be a lay, and that was it. I don't want to be in a relationship but I care for her and I shouldn't. What is wrong with me? I have never been a relationship guy, I have always been a f*ck them and leave or become f*ck buddies. I have never cared for any of the girls before. I also have never been with anyone younger than me, maybe that's what it is. I'm like one of those mentors who care for their mentorees. No that can't be it because I can't stop thinking about her. This girl haunts my mind every minute of the day. My mom walked into the front door and I said I have a question. She asked me what it was and I said can you tell me what it means when a guy or girl is on someone's mind every waking minute of the day? My mom laughed and told me it
Us Chapter 24
CRYSTALAfter my run with Brooks 2 days ago, I started to feel a little better inside. I wasn't down like I normally am. He makes everything better. I got on the bus to head home from school and I fell asleep I woke up to Jonah sitting next to me and he didn't say anything. I asked what was up and he just looked at me. It was as if he was searching for an answer without even asking a question. Finally, he said, “Why did you sleep with Brooks?" I sat up from the position I was in and said why would you even ask me that Jonah? He said, “Brooks is acting weird and I can't figure out what is going on." I said well maybe you don't need to try to figure out what is going on with him. I said give your brother some space and let him get through whatever weirdness he is dealing with. He said, “The thing is, he wasn't acting this weird until I told him I poked a hole in his cond*ms." I looked at him and asked why he did that and if he knew what could happen if Brooks slept with someone.
Us Chapter 25
CRYSTALWhen I woke up, I kept telling myself it was just a nightmare and that Brooks didn't really come here last night and tell me all that. Deep down I knew it wasn't. I got up out of bed and jumped in the shower. I needed to wash my face really good and try to relieve some of the puffiness from my eyes so I could go to school and not look like I was having an allergic reaction to something. Once my puffiness had gone down, I put some makeup on to try and hide the rest of it. It worked for the majority of it, but you could tell I had been crying. I knew what to tell my dad if he noticed. I'd say I was thinking about my mom. I fixed myself some toast with butter and got my books in my bookbag and headed out the door. When I got to the bus stop force of habit kicked in and I looked that way. I saw his explorer was gone and I turned around and waited for the bus. Jonah walked up behind me and said hey. I turned and was about to say good morning when I saw he had been crying. I asked i
Us Chapter 26
**Trigger Warning** This chapter hints at self-harm. BROOKSI heard my phone ring and when I looked down I saw it was the house. So I ignored it. After the second time, a voicemail popped up and I figured it was mom or Jonah begging me to come home. I just ignored it. I got up off the ground and went and grabbed another bottle of Liquor I bought when I got up. I actually bought 5 bottles. I opened it and tilted my head back. It burned going down but at this point, I didn't care. I wanted to get so f*cked up, I forgot everything. I was halfway through the bottle when my phone rang again but it only rang once and stopped. I looked at the number and it said restricted. I went back to drinking. I finished the bottle and started walking well stumbling around and the anger towards myself flared up and I began hitting a tree. Over and over and over again my fist connected with the trunk until I heard a crack and felt the pain instantly. I knew I had either fracture it or broken it but I d
Us Chapter 27
*** Trigger Warning*** This chapter talks about a suic*de attempt and self-harming. CRYSTALWhen Jonah left from my window, I sat back against the wall with tears rolling down my face and grabbed my bottle of anti-depressant medication, and took 4 of them at once. I closed my eyes and tried to picture my mom holding me when I was a kid but I couldn't. I kept seeing his face and hearing him in my head admit everything, hurt so much more than the night he told me. I took another pill and picked up my pocket knife and cut another line into my wrist then another. I was done with all the pain I have had to go through in my life. I didn't want to live anymore. I cut a couple more lines on my wrist and then everything went black. All of a sudden I could hear people talking but couldn't open my eyes and I couldn't speak. I felt like I was choking on something. I was choking on my own vomit. I heard someone telling me it was ok and to relax but I was freaking out. I finally opened my eyes
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