Chapter 6

In early July, the vow renewal dinner was only a week away.

Before the beach trip, Evan had a meeting to hand over his operational duties at the hotel. The changes involved how the space would be used and how the business would run, so he had to discuss them with the partners in person. He checked with me ahead of time about pushing our departure back two hours.

I said that was fine. On Saturday afternoon, he came home right when he said he would, took the bags from me, and told me the rest of the work was in someone else's hands now.

Once we were on the coastal highway, he pointed at a little shop by the road and asked if I remembered when we'd ducked in there to get out of the rain.

I remembered. We weren't married yet. We'd split a huge order of fried fish, and when we finished, the rain still hadn't let up. He ran to get the car and came back soaked to the skin, laughing and telling me to hurry up and get in so I wouldn't get wet too.

I looked out the window as tears welled up out of nowhere, and I quickly turned my face away.

I really couldn't bear to lose him.

If things could get better this weekend, I'd give up the room. I'd put all that paperwork in a drawer and never take it out again.

When we got to the rental, Evan took out the old vow book and set it on the little table on the deck.

The words from five years ago were still there, with a blank page left after them. He said this time we could each write a few new lines about the five years we'd shared.

On my phone, Ruth was asking whether I'd be moving in on Monday.

I didn't open the message. I sat down next to him.

Evan said the responsibilities at the hotel had been reassigned. From now on, Daniel would handle all the work with Chloe.

"And the private talks?" I asked.

Evan paused. Then he said he'd run into her after the handoff today. She hadn't been doing well, so they'd talked a little.

"But it didn't hold us up. From now on, I'll try to keep it at the hotel. I won't bring any of it home."

I looked at him. The little hope I'd just begun to feel slowly faded.

Evan really believed that was enough.

As long as the phone didn't ring at home, as long as I didn't have to wait, he could keep listening to everything she had to say.

"Why does it have to be you?"

"What?"

"You've handed off all the work. When she's upset, why does she still come to you?"

Evan frowned. "She trusts me. After she's opened up to me like that, wouldn't it be cold to suddenly tell her to go find somebody else?"

I looked at him and thought about movie night. I thought about that last photo at the exhibit.

I used to be the one he put first. But now he was drifting away from me, and it hurt.

"When she comes to you, you can't bring yourself to send her away," I said softly. "What about you? If she stopped coming to you, would you miss it?"

"Nora!"

Evan sounded hurt as he said my name, but he couldn't hide his impatience.

"I'm already trying. I handed off the work. I cleared the weekend. I did what I promised you. Why do you still have to think of me like that?"

I didn't answer. He shut his eyes for a second, like he regretted his tone, and took my hand again.

"My feelings for you have never changed."

I looked up and saw 61.

For a moment, I couldn't even breathe.

I knew one argument couldn't make that number drop. In eight years, we'd fought before. We'd said worse things to each other. It had never changed like this.

Now I was careful even about telling him when I was hurt, and I still couldn't hold on to his heart.

"Look at me, Nora." Evan squeezed my hand tight. "We're going to be okay. I love you. I really love you. Trust me, okay, babe? I love you. You're the only one I love."

I couldn't stop the tears.

I even believed that right then, he honestly wanted me to feel better. He had no idea that the connection he couldn't bring himself to end was already pulling him further and further away from me.

But I knew. And I couldn't pretend I didn't see it anymore.

"Let's cancel the vow renewal."

Evan's head jerked up.

"I don't want to do it anymore. I want to move out."

Evan stood up, his chair scraping harshly behind him.

"We just got here. Let's at least get through tonight. Don't decide something like this right now, okay?"

I shook my head. He crouched down in front of me, his hands on my knees, and asked me to think it over.

"It's been eight years, Nora. Can you really let it go?"

I was crying too hard to speak.

Of course I couldn't. Those eight years were mine too. I remembered every day, good and bad.

But at 96, I told myself it was only a small change. At 82, I still hoped he'd be in that photo with me. And now, he didn't even understand how scared I was. I didn't know how else I was supposed to beg him.

"I don't want to live like this anymore."

Evan wiped my tears and said he'd change whatever was hurting me. The vow book was still open on the table. He picked up the pen and asked me to write down whatever I wanted to say, promising to read it carefully.

I looked at that blank page and didn't take the pen.

That night, I sat up late in the living room. The bedroom light stayed on, and Evan left the door open.

I opened Ruth's message and confirmed I'd move in on Monday. Then I sent my clients my new shipping address.

Just as I was finishing, Evan's voice came from the bedroom. "Nora?"

I answered him and looked back down to check the address.

He was still calling for me, and I still answered.

But this time, I didn't take back the messages I'd already sent.

If I couldn't accept that his feelings had changed, I'd have to accept losing him for good.

This was where it ended.