CHAPTER 13 — ALL IN MY HEAD.

🦋 BENITA 🦋 

Some things are better left as an imagination. Deep down, things were unbearable for me because I couldn't dare to do what played in my head.

I stood there motionlessly and pleaded like a fool, and it was the most painful thing ever.

Mr William's laugh echoed through the office, I couldn't even stand up straight; the embarrassment was choking.

The people in the office didn't take their eyes off me, neither did they try to help me, I felt worthless while an old man pumped my butts with his hands, right in the middle of a crowded office.

“This is an office, whatever nonsense you want to do… Please take it out of my company. You can do anything you want with my employee out there, but not in here… please leave,” Felix’s words echoed out.

Those were not the words I wanted to hear. What happened to “Get your hands off my woman”, or “She's mine, so if you as much as lay your fingers on her again… I'll cut them off.”

Those were the actual words I wanted Felix to say so badly, I wanted him to claim and protect me, I don't care how or why, just do it.

He owes me nothing, actually, he saved me by taking me away from that house, if anything… I should be thanking him for making my life better than it was, but I selfishly wanted more — like love.

I watched Felix walk out of the office, Mr Williams sheepishly walked out after him, and one after the other, the office emptied. But I stood right there in the centre of my calamities, too ashamed to take a step.

After around, few minutes before midnight, I finally pulled myself together and took that step, reminding myself of my plans and telling myself it's alright and it was just for a while.

I stepped out of the company to find my driver waiting for me. I got into the car and we drove straight home.

When I got home, I found Felix on the ground, with countless empty bottles around him.

I walked closer to him, and he grinned at me… completely wasted.

“I almost killed that old man right there,” his voice echoed out as he laughed sadly. “I watched everything, but I couldn't do anything. If I fight back, I'll need a reason. I can't call you my wife because you are a substitute, and I can't let the world know either – Do you know how that made me feel? Miserable. I wanted to chop his hands off, but I had to hold it back in. I can't make a mistake, not while my grandmother is watching like a hawk.”

I stood there mute; he probably didn't mean what he was saying since he's drunk.

But suddenly out of nowhere, his next line of words hit me like a storm, “Do you want to date me?”

I froze, “Go out with me, Benita, I promise you won't regret it.”

I couldn't help but giggle with relief and excitement as the words finally slipped out – the words I'd longed to hear. But beneath the laughter, a thread of uncertainty crept in, whispering doubts. Was it genuine, or was the liquor loosening his tongue? Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as I grappled with the fragility of the moment. I wanted to believe every syllable, to hold onto the promise, but the fear lingered – what if the morning light brought a different story? The conflict swirled inside me, a mix of joy and apprehension, as I searched for reassurance in his eyes.

“Say something…” he whispered, “No, say yes.”

I chuckled between my tears, oh, how I wish he wasn't saying this drunk.

I bent closer to him, my face was a few inches away from his, I could feel his breath on my face and his eyes staring deeply into mine in a way that said “Oh I mean every damn thing I'm saying.”

“Say this to me again when you aren't drunk, I'll believe you then,” I whispered. “I'll forget everything you say and do today, because I don't think you mean any of it, and you'll probably not remember anything by morning.”

A sad smile appeared at the corner of his lips. “Can I do this then?” He asked.

We gawked at each other as his hands held my face gently, and his lips brushed against mine, sending shivers down my spine. The touch was gentle, yet electrifying, as if the world around us melted away. He deepened the kiss, his mouth moving in perfect harmony with mine. Time stood still as our lips danced, the connection sparking a fire that spread through every fibre of my being. The world narrowed to the sensation of his lips on mine, the taste of him, and the thrum of our hearts beating as one. In that moment, nothing else mattered – just the kiss, and the promise of what it could mean.

He broke the kiss, and just when I thought it was over, he pulled me in, and this time, even hungrier. At that moment, everything felt right, as if I were exactly where I was meant to be. His touch ignited a flame within me, warming my soul and soothing my heart. As we finally pulled away, I smiled, feeling seen, loved, and cherished. Tears pricked at the edges of my eyes as my heart swelled with emotion, overwhelmed by the depth of connection that flowed between us, a connection I knew would soon come to an end.

We slept wrapped in each other’s arms that night, and I couldn't wish for anything more at that moment.

When I woke up the next morning, Felix was gone… but he left me a note, “Whatever happened last night, or whatever I said… just know that I didn't mean any of it. I was drunk, and you could have prevented it.”

Although I expected it, my heart sank, weighed down by shattered hopes. Disappointment filled my soul, but I did hope it would happen again, even if it's just an act of being drunk, then let him get drunk every night, I'll hold on to the memories for both of us.