CHAPTER 14 – DO I REGRET IT?

🦋 FELIX 🦋

I could do everything that morning but focus, although I remembered nothing that happened last night, I imagined it, and I didn't hate it.

When I woke up, I found myself cupped in Benita’s arm. It's only natural that something had happened, but I couldn't tell what. And honestly, I stayed there for a while pretending to still be asleep.

I might have even imagined worse than what actually happened, but I didn't hate whatever was in my head.

I didn't hate the idea of loving her or having her; I unknowingly giggled at the thought of it, whereas in reality… it would never happen.

My father was a part of the evil ones who ruined her life, and my grandmother also did nothing but make her life worse. It's only natural that she doesn't like me or my family.

That day, the time in the office felt weird, as I constantly called Benita into my office for absolutely no reason.

People in the office were taking her for granted and making her do all the work, but I could do nothing about it, and I hated myself for that.

Calling her into my office was me creating a time for her to rest, while giving her a random excuse like “Sit down and wait, I'll speak to you while I'm done.”

Although my intentions weren't clear, I didn't think it was something to be pissed about, but she hated me for it. I don't know if it's because she felt like I was wasting her time when she should be working, hated the idea of seeing me up close, or she just doesn't like the idea of being around me.

*** 🦋 ***

🦋 BENITA 🦋

It's been three years into the substitute marriage, his main bride, Rose, has decided not to return, and we have had to stay glued to each other for three years.

I've finally saved enough to leave, and it was the best thing I've achieved in three years.

Felix and I went from strangers to cold strangers, making the house hell to live in. I kept walking on eggshells, and I just couldn't wait to be gone, to start a life of my own, after everything that had happened to me.

I knocked on the door to Felix’s room, but didn't get a response. After several tries, he finally responded, telling me to come in.

He sat on the bed with his back against the wall, going over a file.

“I want to leave.” I interrupted.

He slowly looked at me, “Since when do you need my permission to go out? Go and come back.”

I shook my head in refusal, “That's not what I meant,” I explained, “I'm leaving you and this contract marriage to start a life of my own.”

“No!” He snapped.

“No?” I repeated. “Why?”

He sat there mute, just staring at me with a disappointed look on his face, “You can't leave. The contract states that you can only leave when the real bride returns.”

“It's been three years, Felix. Three years of walking on eggshells around you.” I retorted. “Either I'm gone or I stay, what difference would it make? No one knows I'm here anyway, or that your real bride is gone. Your life is very private as it is, so why won't you let me leave?”

“I can't…” he voiced. “You can't leave Benita, that's what the contract says.”

“Well, fuck contract!” I fired back. “I want to leave my life! I want a home for myself, I want to be happy, I want to live my life and forget all about my pathetic past… I want to be free!”

“I’m sorry for making you feel like I caged you… But you can't leave until the real bride returns.” Felix declared coldly.

I pulled my hair in frustration, “Then what if she never comes back? It's been three long years, and we still haven't seen a shadow of her. I won't continue like this, so if it's the contract holding me down, then I'd like to terminate it.”

Felix gawked at him and inhaled sharply, “I’m afraid you can't do that.”

“And why's that?” I fired back.

“You'll have to pay a fine to terminate it, it's a lot of money. You don't have it.” He explained.

“It was never in the contract that I would have to pay to terminate it.” I fought back,  “It stated that I could terminate the contract whenever I wanted.”

Felix looked away coldly. “Well, that just changed.”

I fell down to my knees desperately, “Please, Felix, please let me go… I've suffered enough. As long as I'm with you… I'll do nothing but remember my past.”

For a second, I thought he changed his mind, but I turned out to be wrong.

“Can't you… Just enjoy your stay here? Why do you have to walk on eggshells around me? You can do whatever you want, but leaving, I won't stop you from doing any other thing.”

“Just let me leave…” I pleaded, “Please, Felix.”

“And say what to the media and my grandmother?” he snapped.

“The media doesn't have to know, I'm acting as a substitute, they don't even know anything about it. They think you are happily married and your wife is living fine, the Media thinks everything is just perfect, nothing would change if I leave.” I yelled, trying to make him see the point. “Rose is doing just great, the world is following her on social media, she doesn't plan on coming back, and for your grandmother, we can simply pretend to still be together. I mean, I don’t see the big reason why you won’t let me go.”

Silence descended, and for a while, we just stared at each other. “This discussion is over; you can leave my room now.”

I felt trapped, like a bird in a gilded cage, beautiful but confined. The walls closed in around me, suffocating me with their weight. Every breath was a struggle, as if the air itself was thick and heavy, refusing to let me escape. My heart pounded against the bars of my chest, desperate to break free from the suffocating grip of reality. I longed to spread my wings and soar, but the cage door seemed locked, and the key was nowhere to be found. The feeling of being caged was overwhelming, making me restless and desperate for freedom.

I gawked at Felix with a serious face and screamed angrily, “Why won't you let me leave?”