It was difficult for Penny to imagine Jeremy as he would be when he came into the flat this evening. She had only her memories of what he used to be and his voice, his calls, his texts... Those long, descriptive but heartbreakingly impersonal texts of his from which to draw her picture. With soul searing honesty, she forced herself to realize that Jeremy's life in Cairo was by no means a parallelism of her own. Having a baby was perhaps one of the biggest and most wonderful experience in a woman's life. Having an illegitimate baby particularly taught one a lesson. But she could not make herself believe that the gay, social round of parties Jeremy had described would have taught him anything. Worse, it had no doubt increased his passion for youth, his desire for fun, his irresponsibility. Perhaps he had met someone else? Perhaps she, Penny, had ceased to mean more to him than a memory... A pleasant but out of date memory like the girl he had once told her about.

Penny woke to hear the steady fall of rain on the roof and the spatter of heavy drops against the window pane. The room was filled with sombre grey light but she could not be sure whether the dawn was breaking or if the storm were responsible for the darkness. But it did not matter. Nothing mattered except Jeremy.  She turned her head and looked at his face, crumpled like Howard's in sleep. Hitherto she had seen only a likeness in the color of their eyes and in their hair curly hair. But now she saw that there was a strong resemblance in the shape of their heads the determined line of their lips in sleep.  Howard and Jeremy. Father and son.... And both hers. She and Jeremy were going to be married. Jeremy had said so. Today, when he woke, she would tell him about his son. Or should she wait and take him to Cornwell for their honeymoon, then show him Howard in person? He could not fail to love his son. Howard was so plump... So warm

"Look Penny, I'm bloody sorry. I have behaved so damn badly. I know it. I feel all kinds of a louse. I can only ask you to forgive me. It hasn't been too easy for me... Being away all the time, and then you did keep it from me, didn't you?" he ended stuttering. Her dark velvety eyes looked at him stonily. She said : "I did and I expect I was wrong. But quite honestly, if I had told you that I was pregnant at the beginning, wouldn't you have suggested I had an abortion?" The direct question threw him off balance. He scowled and shifted from one foot to the other. "Possibly.. But...." "No. Quite certainly" she broke in. "Well, it's so damn awkward..." She interrupted again. "Most awkward... For both of us. I knew you wouldn't want a child and I don't happen to believe in abortions. I take my share of the blame for our c

"I'm just worried about you" Audrey said, knowing that her friend wasn't fine as she said. She gazed at table as she spoke. "Joey and I are worried about you. You spend most of your time in here, except when you go for a walk with Howard. And you don't even paint anymore. I know you have been very hurt, I understand that, but it's been a month now. You should find a way to move on." When Audrey stopped speaking and looked up at Penny. She saw that she was sobbing quietly. No longer trying to fold the clothes, but she tossed them carelessly into the drawer. Audrey could almost feel her pain as she watched her, and she had to fight back the tears that clouded her eyes. Penny needed her to be a source of strength for her, and she had to be strong for Penny. She rose up and went to her friend, pulled her into her arms and they sat together on the bed.  "You will be fine. I promise" Audrey murmured as Penny sobbed on her shoulder. "We are he

"Of course you are. Don't ever think you're not. I'm just scared, Joey" Penny replied, she dropped the brush she was holding and began to wipe her hands on a towel, suddenly needing to do something... To keep busy, but his intense eyes remained on her, watched her like a hawk.  She felt terrible. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him, but she had to tell him so he wouldn't keep hoping. "I don't think I'm ready for another relationship just yet. I don't know if I will ever be. What happened with Jeremy.... It was a lot to take. And asking you to wait for me or leading you on would be the wrong thing to do. Friends don't do that to each other, and that what we should be... Friends. We have something amazing going on. We might ruin it if we try to make it something more. And I can't stand the thought of losing you... Or Audrey. I really hope you understand" "It's fine" Joey said softly, but in his head he wondered if that was all sh