Sometimes we lie to ourselves... I'd like to think we do it often. It's a comforting feeling. At some point, we all want to feel as if we're in control of our lives. Sometimes you're and the rest of the time rarely. If I had known nearly four months ago that my life would turn upside down... maybe just maybe, I would have preferred to stay at the plantations sleeping with swollen feet after each hard day's work. Maybe just maybe, I would not have been ripped off my innocence. I would not have personally known the evil within men... white men... specifically William. He had this look in his eyes that scared me. He also had this look in his eyes that left me wanting. If I said, I entirely hated him then that would render me a compulsive liar. I wanted to hate him, I wanted to be able to walk past him without feeling a pang of guilt.Afraid... somewhat excited with a good amount of anger. Afraid of what people would say.. how everyone would perceive me after they find out. Elliot hating

"Nase... can I tell you a secret?" Liam brought me out of my thoughts. He looked at me expectedly. I couldn't help but be in awe because I would have a child... with William and I love him. I sound gullible but the fact that I would be having a child with this man, somewhat made me happy. A child that I share with William. The child we made together, it was hard to accept at first because I only thought about the consequences but after I thought... about how beautiful it would be to bring someone into this world. I wanted to think on the bright side and the bright side was. Yes, my mother was right... I will never have William but this child is good enough for me. A reminder that he made me feel things I didn't understand and didn't want to feel... a reminder that he hurt me.We could never be."Yes?""But it's a big secret between dad, Rosy and I, so you can't tell anyone else..""I won't..." I was curious."Promise promise?""Yes." I replied."No, when I say promise promise, you say

The minute he said. "I will be off now."I thanked the father, the son and the Holy Spirit. The thought of them sleeping over did not sit well with them. I could see them, waiting for the lights to be off so they could come for me in the basement. They scared me, Master Milton wouldn't stop with his disgusting gestures, he licked his nonexistent thin lips too often when I passed by. Master Gerald was no exception. William told me to stay in the Kitchen until they left."Better make the most of this weekend. We board for Australia soon. I made sure Peters gave us the finest Cabins.." Master Joshua said excitedly. I noticed how William slumped his shoulders as his father took his cane while his brothers grabbed their coats."Father... I have a profession, I can not just up and leave..." William let out. Both his brothers burst out laughing with Master Joshua."There there my little William..." Master Joshua gave William a pat on the shoulder. "You can always play doctor when it suits yo

If I said terminating this pregnancy had never crossed my mind—I'd be lying.I thought about it often. I thought about it when Hector said what he said. I thought about it when I saw how dysfunctionally William's family actually is. I thought about it when Lady Tracy gave me these minor gestures that came off as warnings whenever she was with her husband. I thought about it when my mother, pressured that it was for the best. I knew she had experience and I did not."I know you're awake.." William said pulling me close enough to lay back into the warmth of his chest.Yes, I was awake... I just did not want to open my eyes.This was the first morning, I had ever spent with William. I felt very weary but I pushed those thoughts aside. William would be gone for months and I was selfish enough to keep him here with me. Lady Tracy had told William to come to the Durham mansion today where they were throwing him a farewell party. That is why she had went there to plan it. It made me a bit s

Have you ever cried so hard that your body shook, your throat hurt and your teeth made a cluttering sound when you attempted to talk? Attempted to explain why you were crying but you just cried even more because the words refuse to come out? Have you ever cried so hard that your body physically hurt?All out of the frustration of knowing very well that no matter what you attempt to do, absolutely nothing can change the situation. In this very moment, I was crying so hard that I could feel my lungs failing to cooperate, my tears had overtaken my power to breath. I never knew it was possible to be able to feel this way only because one person.Not knowing how I had ended up in my mother's comfort... was it not always that way? She would always always be my safe haven. Every single time, I attempted to speak, I just could not.I was failing dismally... but my mother assured me that it was fine. My mom rubbed circles on my back as I continued to bawl my eyes. I suppose, when I woke up thi