บททั้งหมดของ Not A Perfect Marriage: บทที่ 11 - บทที่ 20

I have to admit, that had hit me right in the gut. I still wasn't sure how I felt about that ... I mean it wasn't Mikey's fault who his parents were, right? Suffer not the children and all that. I guess it was just too hard to let go of nearly four years with the little boy. Somewhere, on some deep level, I still had to admit that I loved the kid. That I missed him, even. Or maybe I just missed the idea that I had my own family. I couldn't be sure.It's what had finally decided things for me, though. It was the pebble too many; the fucking straw that had broken the camel's back. I was ranting and raving before, angry, upset, hating the world. Possibly, though, maybe even probably, I would have eventually calmed down. I would have eventually found it within myself to let go and forget Amber and Dave. Finding out that the little boy, my little son, wasn't my little son ... well, that had focused me. My anger had turned to rage and then beyond, way into something I'm not sure even had a

"I wouldn't be very good company," I explained, backing up a step. "I'm not ... it's been...""I know," she interrupted. "That's exactly WHY you need to do this. You need a family right now, Marc ... and mine is offering. They know you just got a divorce so they won't bring it up; as a matter of fact, if you just want to keep to yourself, that'll be fine for them. You need to see how a true, loving family works, boss.""That's another reason," I said as I jumped on her last words. The truth was that she was saying just the right things to me. I hated being alone. Oh, I was used to it ... but I hated it. Amber and Mikey ... when I'd thought of them as my family ... had been my "crowning jewels". They'd been everything to me; I'd been without a real family for so long that I yearned for it. "I'm your boss. You're my employee. I don't think it's appropriate..."I never got to finish the thought. She turned, grabbed a folded paper from her desk and thrust it at me."What's this?" I asked

I sighed then chuckled wryly. "I almost forgot you were there in the middle of that. Madelaine is Amber's brother's wife. She ... well, I'm not quite sure what she wanted. I guess she thought that she could make it all better. I think she thought that I could take my anger out on her and then stay with Amber. Heck, she even offered to have sex with me to keep the two of us together...""So instead, you kicked her out into my office, naked?" Jeanie replied, her eyebrows knotting."That wasn't my original intention," I apologized. "I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable. She was just ... so smug ... as if she knew just what to do, just how to deal with me. I was so angry ... hell, I'm still angry ... I just didn't think...""You weren't thinking about much back then," she interrupted me. "I guess I can understand that, considering what you were going through. I wondered what you were trying to accomplish with Madelaine but I guess I can see it.""Sorry you invited me now?" I asked. It w

He looked at me with those cloudy, gray-blue eyes and I was startled to see a look of almost surprised contempt on his face. He scowled slightly, looking from me to Rachel, then to Jeanie who was walking with her father into the room and then back to me. Disappointment flitted over his face and then a surly anger settled in. He was definitely NOT happy to see me, though for the life of me I couldn't figure out why."Rachel, Olive, Anderson, this is Jean's friend, Marc," Ellen introduced me. I happened to be looking at Rachel at the time and I saw surprise, fear and then a sullen anger flit over her face in rapid succession before she settled on an obviously artificial smile. It didn't look like she was very happy to see me, either ... and again I couldn't explain why. "Marc, these are Jeanie's sisters Rachel and Olivia and Rachel's ... friend ... Anderson Myers."Rachel's handshake was as cold and distant as the fake smile she had plastered on her face while Anderson did his best to c

CALM! RELAX! QUIET! I let those sounds fill me. I let the meaning of those sounds suffuse me. Not the fucking meaning you can find in a dictionary; their meaning to ME. I let them anchor me in the storm of emotion going through me. I wrapped them around me, letting them calm me. The black rage that was boiling in the pit of my stomach like bile, seeking a way out, trying to own me yet again. That would not do. I needed this, the center of the storm.I opened my eyes on a world suddenly devoid of color; the greens and browns and yellows and reds fading to differing shades of gray. I listened to my breath, measured it. In. Out. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. I closed my eyes and lifted my face to the sun, just rising over the plains; its tongues of reds and yellows arcing across the sky.I felt myself settle. I felt the control return to me. It had been a close thing. With a deep breath I bottled my rage, my anger, my love, my hate ... all my emotions. As I blew it out, I i