All Chapters of Affair with the Rockstar : Chapter 121 - Chapter 130
140 Chapters
we left under a dark
We left under a dark cloud. My mom and brothers were great; it was my dad that was the problem. He was cold and distant the entire time.On the other hand, my mom was a total sweetheart. “Come see us again soon as you can,” she said as she gave Ryan a hug.Tim and Rob tried to be cool, but that only lasted for about 30 seconds. Then they were begging for one last selfie with Ryan before we hit the road.While the boys were busy, Mom came over and got me alone. “I love you, honey.”“I love you, too.”“Is everything okay?”“It’ll be fine.”“If it’s your father, don’t mind him – ”“It’s fine, Mom. Seriously, it will be okay.”She gave me a long, searching look, then finished with a hug. “Don’t be a stranger.”“I won’t,” I said – and meant it.Before we left, I hugged my father, and Ryan shook his hand. It was awkward – more like keeping up appearances than anything else. But then it was over, and we were off.Tim drove us to the nearest rental car place, and he and Rob helped us get our
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the doorbell rang
The doorbell rang while Riley was still around. She was acting sulky and sullen and tossing gravel in the goldfish pond, trying to hit the fish.“Leave the fish alone,” Ryan called out as he went in the house to answer the door.“They’re fuckin’ fish, they need some excitement,” she yelled back.I followed Ryan into the house.“What’s up?” Ryan asked.“Nothing. I just don’t want to be called ‘Yoko’ anymore.”“She quit doing that.”“Yeah, except when she mouths it silently when your back is turned.”He grimaced. “Ah, Riley.”As we got closer to the door, my heart sped up. I knew it couldn’t be Derek – the flight from LA to Atlanta was probably five hours, and then there was all the time at the airport beforehand, not to mention the hour-plus drive to Athens. And he’d only been released from rehab about four hours ago, according to the text from Miles.But I was nervous just the same until Ryan opened the door.There stood a certain short, long-haired guitarist dressed all in black – an
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We eventually wound up on the back
We eventually wound up on the back patio, with Ryan grilling up burgers for all of us.Derek stood around drinking a bottle of sparkling water. He seemed calm, collected, almost zen. He cracked jokes, smiled, told stories about rehab – like how he had tried to escape five times in the first three days.“I didn’t adjust so well at first,” he grinned.However, Miles had posted rotating shifts of roadies surrounding the walls of the property. Every time Derek got out, a big, burly dude had chased him down, tackled him to the ground, sat on him, and then called his fellow guards to help carry Derek back inside, kicking and screaming.“The first time it was Otto – remember Otto, with the beard?” Derek asked Ryan. “He sat on me and I was screaming, and the whole time he was shouting, ‘I’m sorry, man! I’m sorry! Miles is making me, dude! Don’t hate me, bro!’”He went on to talk about long hours of therapy, and even longer hours of solitary soul-searching. About how he realized that he was al
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we drove downtown
We drove downtown and parked in front of the gyro shop.“We’re going in there?” I asked, surprised.“I was planning on it. Why?”“I don’t know – aren’t you afraid you’re going to get to mobbed by people?”“Naah, I hang out downtown all the time. I get asked for pictures and stuff, but people in Athens are used to seeing me, so it’s no big deal.”“If you say so,” I muttered dubiously.We walked into the gyro shop. The restaurant was just the way I remembered it: grease-smudged wallpaper, rickety tables, the smell of roasting meat in the air. It felt like not a moment had passed in over four years – especially when the shaggy-haired alterna-dudes behind the counter immediately shouted out welcomes.“Derek! What’s up!”“Hey man, how’s it goin’!”“D – good to see you, dude!”The guys were different from four years ago – at least I think they were – but otherwise it was complete déjà vu.Derek walked over to the counter and shook hands all around. “How’s it goin’, Bennie? Dwight, my man! Z
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it took me a long while
It took me a long while to compose myself, but when I finally did, I drove back to Ryan’s. The guard waved me through the gate, and after five minutes of winding through his neighborhood I parked in the garage.I thought about what I was going to say as I sat there in the darkness.I could tell him the truth… but then he would quit the band, I was sure of it. He would sever all ties with Derek, and it would all be my fault.I didn’t want that. But that would be what happened if I told him.…or……I could lie.I could tell him about the rest of the evening. Nothing had happened at the dorm or the gyro place. I could leave out the part in the parking lot. I wouldn’t even have to leave out all of it – just the part at the end.It wouldn’t be a full-on lie; more like bending the truth.No… if you’re going to lie, at least don’t lie to yourself.I felt sick.I hadn’t wanted any of this to happen. I hadn’t wanted Derek to come back, I hadn’t wanted to feel these feelings, I hadn’t wanted thi
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After that
After that, we were joined by the producer and the sound engineer. Avi was from New York and Bob was local. They all knew each other from doing the last record together, so there were a lot of hugs with the hello’s, not to mention numerous comments about how good Derek looked after rehab. They were both polite to me, though I couldn’t shake the feeling that they knew all about the romantic drama and were walking on eggshells.Then the band went into the recording studio. Like their casual rehearsals on the road, Ryan was a stickler for recording everything, just in case a nugget of brilliance emerged.I stayed in the control room with Avi, Miles, and Bob, and tried to keep out of everyone’s way.“Well, we could do ‘When It Was Through.’ Or ‘Gold and Diamonds,’” Ryan suggested, referencing two of the songs I had heard them practice on the road. His words piped in through the speakers in the booth, making him sound like the voice of God.Avi clicked a button on the console and spoke. “W
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As I made my
As I made my mental lists, I drank half a bottle of wine, then made myself stop. I didn’t want to be a sodden mess when Ryan got back.But he didn’t come back.9, 10, 11PM… no sign of him.I tried calling and texting him, but there was no answer. Which I sort of expected.I thought about phoning somebody else to check up on him, then nixed that idea. Who was I going to call? I didn’t know Killian’s number, so… Riley? Ha. Miles? Noooo.Derek?Don’t make me laugh.I ate some leftovers from the fridge and drank the rest of the bottle of wine.Tired, emotionally weary, and drunk, I stumbled off to bed… just to lie down and rest, fully clothed. Just until Ryan got home.Within minutes I was out like a light.I awoke to the sound of slow, sad music… the tinkling of piano keys. A beautiful, haunting melody. Like Für Elise or the Moonlight Sonata, but more halting, as though the player couldn’t remember the notes.I lifted my head. I was still tipsy, but no hangover, so it couldn’t have b
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Everybody was assembled
Everybody was assembled in the studio when Ryan spoke up.“I have something to say.”I stood in the control room with Miles, Avi, and the sound engineer. Everybody looked up with a kind of bored expression.Everybody but me and Derek.Derek was watchful and wary, like a man expecting a fight, but not about to throw the first punch.I was biting my nails down to the quick.Ryan stood up and looked right at Derek.“I’m in love with Kaitlyn. She’s in love with me. You had your chance; you blew it. Now leave her alone.”Avi glanced over at me. Miles scowled like he was going to murder me. In the booth, Killian looked between his two bandmates in shock, and even stopped playing his guitar.Riley went white as a ghost.My heart was slamming triple-time in my chest.Derek was the only one who seemed utterly calm. He narrowed his eyes, and his mouth curled into a bitter smile. “Tough words coming from the guy who stabbed me in the back.”“I didn’t stab you in the back; you cheated on her. You
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First it was little
First it was little run-ins at the studio. Me getting a drink and him cornering me.“You should be with me.”“Stop.”“You know he can’t make you feel the way I do.”“What, cheated on and miserable?”“Never again, Kaitlyn, I swear it.”“You do a lot of swearing, I’ll give you that.”“I know how to make you say things that’d make your little boy scout blush. Do you talk dirty to him in bed, like you used to do to me?”“Get away from me,” I seethed, trying to push past him – because, unfortunately, it was turning me on to remember the things he used to say to me, the things he used to do to me.“Kiss me,” he whispered in my ear. “You know you want to.”I had to dump water, soda, even coffee on him to get him to leave me alone.But he just came back for more.His presence… his intensity… his sexual mojo, whatever you want to call it… his smell, the pheromones he was putting out, matched with a hint of his cologne – unhh – It was beginning to wear me down.So I stopped going out of the co
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The weekend before
The weekend before the Austin City Limits concert, Ryan threw a small party on Friday night. Derek was conspicuously disinvited.“Do not show up,” Ryan warned him at the recording studio.“I’m not.”“No singing on the front lawn, none of that crap.”“Consider that my solo project.”“I’m serious. I’m hiring security to make sure you don’t gate-crash.”“Well, now, that sounds like a challenge.”“Derek – ”“Fine, I know when I’m not wanted,” Derek said mildly.“That’s the trouble, I don’t think you do.”“The trouble is, you don’t know that I am the one she wants.”Then he looked at me and winked.Ryan gritted his teeth and walked out with me on his arm.That night, lots of local musicians showed up, as well as some famous ones from out of town. It wasn’t the star power that accumulated after one of the arena shows, but that wasn’t what Ryan was going for. It was a casual, laidback evening – friends listening to music and sharing a few drinks.Except everybody kept asking where Derek was
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