I walked back into the hospital room, and the air felt different somehow. The smell of antiseptic no longer made me feel small, no longer made me think of all the times I’d sat here waiting for answers I didn’t get. I had cried, screamed, begged, and explained myself so many times that I thought my voice had worn out. But today… today, I didn’t have to explain anything to anyone.Alice slept in her bassinet, tiny fists curled against her chest. Her breath was steady, rhythmic. Every so often, her eyelids fluttered, and I imagined she was dreaming. I had never imagined that I would see her like this—not alive, not safe, not mine. And yet here she was, this little miracle with my eyes, my nose, my tiny crooked smile she would someday inherit. And for the first time in three years, I felt the fire of something stronger than grief.I stopped myself from rushing to her side. I didn’t even touch her right away. Instead, I let myself feel it: the calm, the cold clarity. I was done reacting.
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