Still on my prison bunk, facing the prison wall, and I’m having the old bittersweet memory came out of my brain, chuckling to myself and remembering how fairytale my life was when I’m with Lena. I feel like I’m not myself anymore since five years ago I spend my time without her, I feel like I pretend to be someone else and buried the real I am deep down inside myself. I have never been happy anymore when I'm not been able to be by her side.
Now I understand why Lena is mad at me, why she hated me and I deserved this. It hurts me but it doesn’t compare as I hurt Lena at that time. Her mom is the most important person for her besides me, and Lena loves her mom so much. It hurts me now when I realized how asshole I was and left Lena to stand alone on her feet when her mom dies. I don’t know how to apologize to her and I don’t know how to act, I reali
