02— Forcing me against my will.

02—Forcing me against my will.

“Forcing someone to love you can only make them detest you more.”

—Saumya Tripathi 

“Ssh…slowly.” There was something on my cheek that kept on touching it. 

My psyche invaded without halting with hazy thoughts in my mind before I could even open my eyes. The thoughts were merely hazy and twirled groggily inside— in my head which I tried to get hold of with my crumbled memories. But I could not succeed. 

“Shhh…you are safe, little one.”

When my mind came back to its senses, I felt something rough strolling gently in a circular motion on my left cheek which was rather sore. The touch was gentle and smooth. However, my cheek seemed to be itching. I so wanted to itch and get relief, nonetheless, I stayed, unmoved and confused about almost everything.

“Keep still. Otherwise, you are going to hurt yourself.”

Albeit, I tried to open up my eyes but it was of no use, my upper eyelids felt too heavy for me to open them. I tried getting up as well but, it felt like I couldn't even recognise my own body, it just seemed too heavy for me at that certain movement. I did not budge even an inch despite my efforts to get up from the position. 

Why was it so harder to move? 

Why was I not able to move any of my muscles? I strived again. 

I struggled indignantly to ease away the numbness from me but nothing worked. What was happening to me? Why was I not able to budge even an inch? What was wrong with me? My breath came out harsher with every passing second due to my mental efforts of being awake but not in motion, physically. It was draining me psychologically. It was like my whole body was compelled to be at rest. I sprawled there, unnervingly. My mind was so messed up with questions laid unanswered, that I was going into hysteria. 

Why were my reflexes not working at all? I wondered.

Still trying to move, I invaded my mind with the unstopping queries, perturbed as I was I didn’t stop trying to make sense of all of those. 

What was happening? I questioned myself again. It was turning into a recurring question now. This particular question captivated me like a recorder which I was playing now and then. My eyeballs kept on ambling in the confinements of the eyelids, restlessly. 

"Don't conflict with yourself, little one. You will hurt yourself in the process. Stop trying to achieve the things which are not in your hand," someone murmured near my ear, softly. The question undoubtedly had a double meaning to it. Astounded and stunned for a few seconds, comprehending who it was that spoke, I tried to reminisce about the memories and the person of the voice from whom it belonged. When nothing made my mind remember the things that led me into this state. I started panicking and struggled hard. Unfortunately, with the state I was in, I tried to do something, anything, anyhow, but my whole body did not cope with me. It remained as it was: motionless. 

I signed gloomily. I was disoriented. My head was pounding painfully. I restlessly tried again and again and again, fighting with myself to awaken my sleeping muscles and this time I indeed succeeded, after a very long movement of struggling with deliberation.

Hastily, opening my eyes, I met with the same black piercing orbs, my eyes widened in fear, and I looked around fearfully to see— where I was and whom I was with. 

My heart pounded like an arctic, oceanic— severe waves. When I looked away, what I saw was even more terrifying.

I saw L- shaped leather black very long seat in front of me, then, when I turned slightly to see, up and saw the roof— of the car, which also was black.

I was in a moving car! I mulled, angst. 

I tried to wriggle with my own treacherous body to sit up but nothing happened. I stayed in my handicapped state. Still, there was confusion in me. Maybe because I wasn't conscious, entirely. Again, I turned to look at the man— to decipher where he was taking me, only to watch him watching me, my every move which I tried to make out of desperation. He was just not staring intently at me but there was something in his eyes that I couldn't get a hold of. Something primal; an urge to protect something, something that is hidden entirely. But what? Meanwhile, he patted my head gently.

Patting my head? Why could I not feel anything? Was something wrong with me? Why was he patting my head?

My breath faltered as my heart started to race when I saw the position I was in— a lap, my head was in someone's lap. And that someone was the man who was continuously caressing my hair. I had no other choice but to look at what was before my eyes. We stared in silence, though. Inside me, there were storms of questions and fears, whatsoever. My body remained frozen and in a handicapped state. 

He didn't say anything. Staring and caressing, he peered at me like he was in another terrain, and wasn't looking at me.  

After a very fleeting movement of staring into his dark— large charcoal eyes, my eyes themselves began to close down without my permission. I tried to stay awake to get away from this stranger who had been gazing at me intently since I opened my eyes, I shuddered at the very thought.

Where was he taking me? The question itself rebounded me in its arms.

I tried to speak, yet my mouth would not cooperate with my mind. Nonplussed, I tried to open my mouth again, but it was just another futile attempt in which I failed.

I blinked my eyes rapidly to get rid of the heaviness from the vague eyes, even though it didn't go away, entirely. I tried, tried, and tried without giving up.

"Ssshh, your endeavour won't work, little one and, neither will your fights, stop trying so hard, my dove," he said while continuing his assault on my face and hair.

Why was he touching my hair? 

Scalding tears spill out from the corner of my eyes, hiding in the sides of my hair, I was scared— no. I was terrified and just wanted this stranger to stop touching me. Who was he? Who had permitted him to assault my hair?

Fighting the urges of keeping my eyes shut, I fought— hard. And with certain luck, my vagueness subsided.

On an impulse, my eyes widened in fright when the realisation hit me hard. Without mulling any further, I looked frantically around me to search for Shaurya, my baby, but no one was there in the entire large car, except for the two of us.

My eyes watered.

"He is fine and sleeping soundly,” catching my eyes, he told me. “Do not worry. No one is going to hurt him or you. So go back to sleep, little one," he said, nonchalantly, his voice as cool as a cucumber.  

Again, I felt like something was being administered somewhere at the side of my neck and eventually my eyes started to drop down, steadily. And I reluctantly let the sleep overpower me before embracing the sluggishness.

“From now on, you both are my responsibility,” his thumb seemed to be gently roaming around my face and I fell into my barely awake state. “You're my responsibility that I am going to abide by with the passion I have.”

••

"Why the fuck is she not waking up?" Someone with a deep, severe accent said loudly, accompanied by a loud cry of a baby—

Baby. 

My baby. With certain difficulties, I instantly opened my eyes only to have them close tightly because of the blinding lights. The lights were flashing and blistering embers into my eyes.

"Shut the damn kid, will you?" The earlier voice snapped again, impatiently.

This time impulsively, I slowly and carefully opened my eyes when my pupils got adjusted to the brightness. I saw the ceiling, plain— but with complex designs above. My heart palpitated inside my chest. 

"It could be the side effects of—" another, but professional voice deduced but stopped abruptly.

"Look, she's awake!" The earlier voice exclaimed, after a pause with relief barely contained. 

In a fleeting moment, everything went silent, except for my brother's loud wail.

On impulse, I quickly but tentatively sat up to glance for my brother. My eyes gingerly searched for him, awash with anxiety. Alarmed, when I immediately found him, struggling to get out from the clutches of a very scrawny- young girl who was trying to console him by rubbing his back: back and forth.

Nonplussed, right away, I raised both hands motioning for the young girl to hand over my brother to me. I tried to talk too, but nothing came out of my parched mouth. I parted them to intake some fresh air, staring at her.

She didn't move an inch. 

Again, I passed a pleading look, to the girl, looking straight at her and only her. My entire brooding was on the girl who was holding my brother with vexation. Utterly astounded and somewhat relieved, my whole concentration was on them; on the most important person in my life: my brother, without regarding my surroundings.

Dully, she turned her face to the right side, staring behind me. Jumbled, I too turned my face to see what had made her look behind, besides me, but stiffened on the spot when I saw two other people in the room apart from me, my brother and the scrawny girl, then did I only notice I wasn't alone. Veering, I saw them staring at me.

One with a poker face. 

And the other with exasperation. 

Wide-eyed, I instantly looked over to the girl who gave a nod to one of the people before coming in my direction. With certain relief, I quickly took Shaurya from her arms. Cradling him to my chest, securely. I rubbed his back while kissing his tear-stained face. And after a faltering movement of time, he stopped crying. Finally, I had him in my arms. Unseeing, someone sat on the bed beside me. I abruptly looked to see— the very man from the past night peering at me, impassively. Roaming my eyes in the vicinity, I tried to see but found— no one but him. 

Where did the other two people go?

I looked back at him again. We both started without uttering a word. And after innumerable minutes, he started,

"Look, everything is alright. You don't have to panic and your brother is with you too. No harm will come to you an—"

Unintelligibly, I cut him in half. "Who are you—" I tried to say but ended up in a fit of coughs. 

I coughed while trying again. Cupping my mouth, I stifled my coughs.

He passed me a glass of water from beside the bed which was kept on the bedside table. But I did not take it. I continued to stare at him. Asking questions through my speaking eyes without saying anything verbally. However, I tried to open my mouth to inquire more about the question that kept on occurring inside my head but again, ended up in fits of cough. 

"Don't be adamant, drink this. It will be quite a respite on your sore throat if you do drink it,” he said, nodding at the glass of water. Bringing the glass near my lips. He held it, and without mulling more of it, I gulped it greedily due to my thirst. 

He was still watching me. When I retreated unhurriedly, he detached the glass from my lips. Looking up at him with my questionable gaze, I tried again. "Who are you? Why are we here and where are we? Where is Awdhesh? What did you do to him? Where is he? Why did you bring us here?" I asked him all the questions that were slowly crawling up to my head at the fastest pace, all in one breath before breathing hard.

"Ssh! Calm down little one, breath," he chuckled.

There was not any hilarity in my questions. Was there?

No there wasn't. I answered myself.

"It is amusing to see your scarlet— rosy red cheeks from close up, you know. And for your questions— you can call me Uzair," he emphasised and then paused for a movement to study me. Watching me, intently. 

Why was he looking at me like that— like he wanted to remind me of something? But, what?

"You both will be living here from now on under my supervision," he said softly, still watching— studying me.

I frowned. Still wide-eyed. What? No. I didn't hear him. Did I?

After hearing my thoughts, he reasoned, "No, you heard right."

"But you are a total stranger to us and mommy has always instructed me not to talk to strangers and you are one of them. Why would I be staying here when we already have our own house!" I proclaimed, confusingly.

"Really? Then how about we go somewhere— where you could tell me all the other things your mommy had told you. Hm? Sounds great. Isn't it? And, About that stranger part: we aren't total strangers as you say it. I know you pretty well."

My frown deepened.

"No! We are going home," I said while getting up on my wobbling legs from the bed with Shaurya tucked safely in my arms.

He chuckled without any humour. “That easily, eh?” I stared at him, confusingly. “It's hilarious that you think you can leave that easily.”

“Why not?”

“Because I said so,” the glow on his face brightened as he said that. 

“You think I would listen to you? I reckoned. “To someone, I don't even know?”

“Little one, you don't have a choice in that. If you know what is best for your little brother you'll do as you are told.”

Ignoring him completely, I took steps closer to the door I thought was the way out. 

"Don't you even dare to take a step more or I will personally come and tie you to this very bed." I stopped dead in my tracks.

What?

No, he won't do that because he probably couldn't do that. He held no right. Yes, I could go and he wouldn't be able to do anything or I would call the police. Yes. I mused, determined. 

"Don't even think about it. They can't even do anything if I don't want that to be done," as if reading my mind, he said unconcerned. Jumped, I swirled around to come face to face with a very broad chest of his. Lifting my head, I kept on looking up and up, and then I was only able to see his face. He was so close. I took a few steps back. 

He was so tall! I gasped, inwardly.

"You are too tiny," he said suddenly grinning, looking down at me. "Still too tiny after all these years," he said something under his breath that I couldn't come to understand. 

When that sentence was made, nostalgia hit me. I was not that small but in front of him, I did look tiny. At school, some of my classmates made fun of my height as well. I looked down to hide the dampness from my eyes. 

Why did everyone have to be so tall except for me? I thought dejectedly.

Hastily, he added, "But do you know? It's kind of cute and in your case: you are way too cute for your own good," he said, taking a step towards me. I could only stare at his audacity. His voice as cold as icebergs started again, "Don't be obstinate. Willing or not you are going to live here with me in this very house."

My eyes welled up with tears.

How could he suppose that we would be willing to remain in his house despite having our own and, despite all, he was still a stranger to me. Wasn't he? Mommy too said. No— even restricted me from speaking to strangers, let alone living with them. Yes, certainly I will not be living with him. I was determined. Ignoring him, I was about to turn around to proceed in the direction of the facing door, but his tone held me captive.

"Perhaps you can go but, you'll have to leave this boy instead," he said, nudging his chin in the direction of my brother. I stopped dead in my tracks, eyes widened in fright. Taking several steps back more, I turned around again, fully to face him.

"No, you cannot do that. I won't let you," I said with my trembling voice.

"Yes, little one— I can and I will if you don't do what has been told," he further added, "but," he said coming my way, again. I held Shaurya tighter. So, he would not be able to take him away from me. Striding, he stood in front of me, gazing with his cold, penetrating black eyes.

"I will not take him away from you only if you agree to stay with me, here," he bargained.

"Why can't you let us go? We don't live here and you can't make me stay without my will. This is illegal." I said, tears pouring out of my eyes. I felt vulnerable. Neglecting my questions nonchalantly, he went ahead in his drawl.

"I know. But this is for your own good and his," sighing, he added, "I will send maids to acquaint you right away and whatever you want or need just ask them they will provide it for you," saying, he strode towards the door and just like that left the room, shutting the door behind him quietly.

Did he just leave?

I could only stare at the space where he stood barely a few seconds ago, tongue-tied and distraught with my hazy thoughts surrounding me with hurried questions.

Which had left me with no- answers...

No answers. Not at all.

What was I to do now?

“What is wrong with this stranger?”