LOGINELIANA
Standing by the window in my room, I’m watching while Jackson is training. He’s standing on a white, large shooting pad laid out on the driveway under the bright security lights. He has a heavy-duty regulation metal goal net, a bucket full of pucks, and his stick tightly clutched in his hands. He’s shooting pucks over and over again. Slapshots, wristers, backhands and he looks so focused and determined to get it right, each hit harder than the previous. And each time the puck hits the metal goal, his lips move to spit a curse and he repeats. He's wearing black shorts, his strong masculine legs a proof of not missing leg days. The white polo shirt is hugging his muscles and I’m damn sure that he's doing it intentionally to show everyone that he doesn't miss the arm day either. His upper body is moving in sync each time he twists his hips and hits the puck, his core doing the heavy work. Jackson is taking turns shooting the puck at the goalie from different angles, both the right and left side. Even though I don't want to admit it out loud, he's quite good and skillful. However, as I continue to watch a minute longer, I notice a tiny weakness which I almost missed. He has a weakness on his left side while the right side is strong. The corner of my lips curved into a smile, making a mental note of it. As if he senses someone's staring from the shadows, he stops mid action, the stick hanging in the air and turns to look at my room’s big window which faces direct to the driveway but I’m quick to hide behind the curtains, my breath in my throat and my heart pumping wildly against my ribcage. Jax stares at the window for a while then turns his attention to the puck on the shooting pad and slap shoots it to the goalie. From the window, I can see the big smile on his face and I can tell that he was enjoying it a little too much. I can't help but smile too… “It reminds me of how you used to watch your uncle train when you were little.” I almost jump out of the window when my mom's voice comes from behind me. “Mom? Don't you know how to knock?” I complain, releasing a deep breath and she smiles. “I knocked thrice but there was no response so, I invited myself in. I thought maybe you were already asleep or something. But now I understand why you didn't hear me knock.” I swallow when I hear her words, feeling embarrassed because she caught me watching my Stepbrother training. It's true I used to watch my uncle train and I used to love it so much. Sometimes he would teach me a few things, show me how to hold the hockey stick and hit the puck into the goalie. He’s the reason why I love hockey and know a lot of things about the sport. “I just came to check up on you and say goodnight.” She says, her face soft and eyes gentle. I smile, “Actually, I was about to go to bed. I-I was fixing the curtains. I don't like too much lights, you know.” I try to come up with a believable explanation so that I don't sound like a creepy step-sister who is stalking her Stepbrother. I pull the curtains together, blocking all the security lights from penetrating through the curtains into my room. The smile on my mother's face broadens, falling for my lie because she knows for a fact that I don't like too much light while sleeping. “I’m happy that you're getting along with your stepbrother well. I knew that the two of you would be fine once you get to know each other.” I take a sharp breath upon hearing my mother's words. However, I manage a smile. I pull my hair into a messy ponytail then sit on the edge of the bed and my mother joins me. I turn to look at her, “You don't need to worry that much about me, mother. I’m fine. Jackson…” I hesitate, the words stuck in my throat. My mom looks eager to hear what I have to say, a smile on her face. ‘Annoying, troublemaker, playboy,” I scream in my head. “He's good.” The smile on my mom's face broadens when she hears my words, “That's true. He's a sweet boy. He might look a little tough on the outside but he has a good heart.” I can feel the admiration my mother has for Jackson in her voice. I’m not surprised because the two get along well. I have seen them talking and laughing freely a few times for the past three days. I’m tempted to tell my mother the damn truth but I bite my tongue, recalling the promise that I made to her. Instead, I nod in support of her words and maintain the smile. “You remember how you used to tell me you would like to have a little brother to play with? Feeling jealous whenever you see girls in the neighborhood playing with their brothers?” My mother reminds me and I can't help but laugh. “Of course I would never forget about it.” The memories of my childhood flashes in my head. “I have found you one! Don't you see mommy is good?” She jokes and I roll my eyes. It's true I always wanted to have a brother and when my mom told me that I was going to have a stepbrother, I was so excited to meet him. However, I never imagined that Jackson Harrison would turn out to be my Stepbrother. Not even in my wildest dreams. I swallow when I give it a thought, hiding the disappointment behind the smile and pretend that I’m happy to have him as my Stepbrother. “All I have ever wanted is for you to be happy, mother.” A big smile takes over her features. “Thank you for supporting my marriage with Robert, Eli. You have no idea how much your support meant to me.” Her voice is full of emotions. I recalled the day she informed me and she looked so nervous. Not that she needed my approval. She thought that including me was a good idea. She always includes me in important decisions which involve me. “If he makes you happy.” I respond with a shrug, proving to her that I didn't care about anything else. Her happiness was the only thing that I cared about. I’m not surprised how my mother and Robert knew each other because I know it's from those boring parents gathering at school. If I have to tolerate my annoying Stepbrother. I will do it. For her! ______ “How was your first day of senior year?” My mother asks in concern. I heaved a deep sigh, “A little exhausting, but good. Though I can't say that much because it's too early.” I joke. My mother is quiet for a while, then releases a deep breath as though she's carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. She reaches for my hands holding them gently. “I’m so proud of you, Eli.” She says, giving my hands a small squeeze and a subtle smile takes over her features. I squeeze back her hand. “My wish is for you to get good grades so that you can join your dream university like you said this morning. Something that…I failed to do. I don't want you to be a failure like me.” Her voice trails off when she says the last statement, looking away in shame. I can feel the broken dreams in her voice and regrets, my heart aching inside my chest. I guess her parents' cruel words have been stuck in her head and have been weighing her down for years. She got pregnant with me in her senior year and her parents kicked her out. Even though she had good grades, she couldn't further her education because she had to take care of me. My chest tightens when I think about the hardship that my mother went through to care for me. I swallow the lump down my throat, “You're not a failure, mother.” My voice is a little shaky because it hurts me so much to see my mother heartbroken. “You have proven it a thousand times. You always make sure that I get the best. I have never slept hungry and I always had a roof over my head.You’ll always be the best mother in the world to me.” I give her hand a tight squeeze. “I have never regretted having you because you're the best thing that ever happened to me.” She says with a big smile, tears glistening in her eyes and I can feel the affection. She opens her arms wide for me and we hug tightly. “I promise you that I will try my best in my studies. I want to make you and uncle James proud.” I assure my mother as we pull off from the tight embrace. “I believe in you.” She says in confidence, wiping away a teardrop using the back of her hand. “However, I don't believe in that young man. I know he's a good boy and all but you need to be careful Eli. I know that I can't control your life because you're an adult now.” She's silent for a while then heaves a deep sigh. “However, I told you that whenever the two of you get intimate, don't ever forget to use protection.” “Mom….” I stress her name, my cheeks burning from embarrassment. “What? Just reminding you because I don't want you to end up like me. I’m your mother, Eli. It's my responsibility to guide you.” God, I want to hide my face. My mother has always been open to me about sex. I know she's doing it to protect me so that I don't end up like her but each time she brings up the subject, I always feel embarrassed. “Ethan and I haven't…you know. We just kiss and hug. We agreed that we’ll do it when we're done with high school.” My mother gives me one of those doubtful looks when she hears my words. “I didn't say the two of you did anything. Just reminding you so that you can be cautious.” She defends herself and I can't help but shake my head in disbelief. “Okay…I will be careful.” I grumble and she smiles in satisfaction. I guess I will never run away from my mother's teaching about sex life. My mother and I talked a little more. I inquired about how her flower shop is doing because it has been a few days since I visited, and I’m happy that everything is well… I release a deep breath, staring at the ceiling as I lay on the bed, the conversation that I shared with my mother not long ago still fresh in my mind. My phone on the side bed table dings, pulling my mind back to the present. I reach for the phone, my lips twitching into a smile. I light up the screen to check the text notification. However, I crease my eyebrows when I realise the text message isn't from the person that I’m expecting. It's a new number. “Goodnight,dear sis.” I take a sharp breath when I read the message. Only one person can send me that kind of message...ELIANA Zoe blows a deep breath and it feels like forever because I have been waiting desperately to get a reaction from her.“You're right.” She says with a small nod but then goes quiet for a second, the corner of her lips tipping up into a smile and there's this look in her eyes which is scaring the shit out of me.“I should be mad at you for keeping everything away from me. I should be mad at you for making me look like a fool because I have been talking to you about staying away from Jackson when you're secretly sleeping with him. I should tell you how terrible of a friend you are. I want to yell at you. I want to scold you. Heavens,I want to kill you but…” She trails off and silence falls over us once again. I can hear my heart pounding wildly against my ribcage, fear clawing at my heart because I have never seen Zoe this way before. I want to run away but my legs feel so heavy that I can't take a step.“I-I can't.” She breathes out, her voice breaking at the end and she looks
ELIANA “Please tell me it's not what I think…” I take a sharp breath, Zoe's words are like a punch in my guts. Slowly, I turn to look at her and it only makes me feel worse.I open my mouth to say something, my lips quivering. Perhaps come up with a lie like I have always done or a cover up story. However, I can't bring myself to utter even a single word.Without a word, I close my lips. I can't lie to her. I know she knows the damn truth. I recall the look in those green eyes in the hallway as she gazed at my messy hair, the hickey on my neck and my wrinkled dress. How she looked at me dead in the eyes like I’m made of glass and she could see through me.How am I supposed to lie to her with a straight face? She knows exactly what happened. It's just that-she doesn't want to believe it. She wants me to convince her that what she saw wasn't true. I really do want to do that. I want to forget about everything. I want to pretend like it never happened but…I simply can't.The silence bet
ELIANA It feels like time has stopped and everything is moving in slow motion. My heart is pounding wildly against my ribcage as if it's about to fly out of my chest the next second. Zoe looks at me, my hair which was neat when I left the kitchen now messy and my wrinkled dress. Her eyes trail slowly to my neck and all the colour on my face drains. She stares at the exact spot where Jax’s mouth was locked a few minutes ago.“Please excuse me. Hello there Zoe,” Jackson says in a calm voice, excusing himself as he fixes his pants. I can't help but wonder how someone can act so casually. Of course I should have expected it…Zoe doesn't respond to him as her eyes are focused on me like she's expecting me to say something. Anything.It's quiet in the hallway as Jackson's footsteps fade away. I can hear my own breathing, my own heartbeat and…I swear to the heavens,I can hear my blood flowing through my veins.My lips are quivering as I open them in a desperate attempt to say something, p
ELIANA “Is everything okay over there?” My mother looks over her shoulders as she shuts the oven when she hears us whispering. “Yes aunt Vicky, everything is fine over here.” Zoe responds, looking in my direction and I flash her a smile… Minutes pass by, my mother is in charge on the stove while Zoe and I help in doing other chores like chopping the onions, tomatoes and anything that she needs help with. We talk about anything and everything, the conversation effortless and full of laughter. Heavens, I have been too busy with senior year, university application that I didn't realise I had missed this moments like this where I forget about the rest of the world, surrounded with loved ones and have a meaningful conversation. Uncle James arrives a few hours later with a bottle of pinot noir and I’m so happy to see him. However, I don't have that much time to talk to him because I’m busy helping mom in the kitchen. _____ My breath catches in my throat when someone pulls me by
ELIANA TWO WEEKS LATER “Come on Eli, you need to wake up,have you forgotten which day it is?” My mom’s soft voice cuts through the quiet air as she walks into the room. A groan escapes my lips, “Give me five.” I complain, opening one eye to peek at her. She walks to the bedside and plants a kiss on my forehead, “You know I love you so much but no, not today.” I make a throaty noise of disapproval. “Okay…Let me freshen up first.” I drag the first word and she laughs wholeheartedly, “That's my sweet girl.” She compliments teasingly, giving me another kiss on the forehead then rises on her feet and walks out of the room. Of course it's thanksgivings and there's no way I would forget about it because it's the first long holiday since schools resumed. Even if I suddenly develop dementia and forget what day it is, my mother would remind me about it because it's her favourite holiday after Christmas. She loves Thanksgiving so much because it brings families together. It's our
ELIANA “The words!” Jax growls, his deep voice cutting through the quiet air on the rooftop and for a split second, I’m afraid that the world would hear us. However, the worry is replaced with a wave of a sharp sting and pleasure when he bites on the sensitive spot on my neck then sucks on it to soothe the sting.Heavens, I never knew that this kind of thing would turn me on this much. A mixture of a sting of pain and pleasure. I know it's crazy. I know damn well that someone in their right mind shouldn't be this turned on. They shouldn't be breathing this heavily and craving for more. They shouldn't be aching for more than they're given. Well…perhaps I’m not that rational the way I thought I was. The way they raised me to be. The way they expected me to be. The way I’m supposed to be because…I like the adrenaline rush that comes with the pain and pleasure. Maybe-a little too much than I’m supposed to.It's…thrilling, exciting and it drives me insane. It makes me want more. It makes
ELIANA The day and time that we have all been anticipating for all kinds of reasons is finally here.I take a deep breath to try and calm my racing heart as I watch the players warm up on the rink. Zoe senses my nervousness and she reaches for my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. I turn my head to
ELIANA THREE DAYS LATER It's quiet inside the kitchen as everyone is focused on his/her plate. I scoop a spoonful of the scrambled egg and sip on my coffee. From across the island table, I can feel his eyes lingering on me. Slowly, I raise my head from the plate to look in his direction and w
ELIANA My phone on the dressing table dings, pulling my mind back to the present and I turn to look at it, a message notification flashing across the dark screen. “Ready?” I gulp when I read the message, not expecting him to text so fast. Slowly, I raise my head to gaze at my reflection in the f
ELIANA I blow a breath when my car finally pulls into the school's lot, parking at my usual spot, then turns off the engine, grabs my backpack from the front passenger seat and alights. I take a moment when I step out of the car, darting my eyes around to take in the surroundings. There's nothing







