Chapter 18 “CAN WE talk?” I gulped hard, heart still raging like there’s a hurricane going on inside it. It’s beating faster than normal, and it’s always like this every time I stare at him. My senses are screaming, debating whether to threw myself at him or not because, I admit, I really miss him so goddamn much. One week of not seeing and interacting with each other feels like hell. But I choose to follow my mind instead—and that is to not do what I want. I chose to chanel my superego rather than my ID. I mentally gasped. Oh, that was some psychological shit. We just stared at each other like we’re the only people in this goddamn world. Damn, if only that would turn true, I wonder if there’s a chance he would reciprocate my love. I averted my gaze. To be honest, I don’t know what to say. There’s nothing in my mind right now aside from the fact that my chaotic emotions are making me confused. I can’t pinpoint what I really feel, but the feeling of missing him
Chapter 19 “HOW CAN I move on from you if you still want us to be friends, Jem?” Jeremy’s lips parted like he didn’t expect me to say that. My heart clenched and I quickly averted my gaze so he won’t see the pain in my eyes. I let out a sad smile and sighed. “Being friends with you, while I am still on the process of healing and loving myself, will surely hurt me,” I went on and swallowed the lump in my throat. Jeremy was just staring at me. There was a flash of guilt that passed through his eyes. As I’ve said, I want to choose myself first and heal. And after I heal, maybe we can be friends again. Jeremy looked down, clearly don’t know what to say. I get it that he wants us to be friends again, but what about me? I don’t want to be hurt again. My heart was already bruised enough. “Then, I’ll help you move on.” He looked at me with determination. My eyebrow arched. Woah, is he serious? I crossed my arms and put them on the table, never taking my eyes off him
Chapter 20 “WHAT HAPPENED to you face?” My mother asked the moment I put the plates on the table. Jeremy emerged from the kitchen, bringing the utensils and we looked at each other accidentally. I quickly averted my gaze as I distributed the plates. Fuck. Trying to calm my raging heart, I smiled at my parents. “Nah. It was so hot in the kitchen that’s why.” That’s the only alibi I can manage, silently hoping they will buy it. My parents nodded and turned their attention on the food, making me breathe out a sigh of relief. Thank goodness. “Hella cute.” I shut my eyes tightly when I heard Jeremy’s voice inside my head and just like that, my heart did backflips again and butterflies swarmed in my stomach. Shit. How can two simple words from Jeremy affect me like this? “You look so bothered,” my father told me. My parents are sitting across from me, making me see their expressions. My father’s eyebrows are furrowed and confusion passed through his eyes. My mothe
Chapter 21 TWO DAYS since that shit happened and interacting with Jeremy makes me feel awkward even more. “I love you.” I almost cringed upon hearing those lines from the TV. I am currently watching a romance movie and it’s all about enemies to lovers. Well, those kinds of typical plots. And my attention is not on the movie, but on Jeremy. As always. I don’t know why my mind ain’t tired of thinking about Jeremy and our situation. I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling frustrated upon these things that happened between us, especially the one that happened on Saturday. Goddamn it! I don’t know what to do anymore! And the thing that’s making me confused as hell is that Jeremy doesn’t seem to mind that that happened. He still greets me whenever we see each other, but I think he can sense the awkwardness that I feel. Good. That’s just a proof he has a sense of empathy. I turned the TV off when I fully realized that I am no longer watching the film. My mind is pre
Chapter 22 WHEN I woke up, I was surprised to see myself lying on the mattress. I tried to remember what happened last night. Jeremy went here to eat. I slept on the sofa and. . . My eyes went wide as my eyes shifted to the mattress. I didn’t sleep walk, did I? My fingers trailed along my forehead and cheeks. Heck! That wasn’t a dream? Jeremy kissed me on my forehead and cheeks? And why would he do that? He never kissed me there, unless he’s drunk, of course. I sighed upon remembering what he had said last night. He said he was sorry. Well, as he should. He was giving me a lot of mixed signals and won’t even respect my personal space. The sound of the rain made me look at the window, wet from raindrops. The rain is pouring hard and no sunlight shines through. It’s a little bit dark outside. No wonder why the air is cold. Sitting on the bed, I rubbed my eyes and fixed my hair, combing it with my fingers. He untied my hair last night, huh. He didn’t d
Chapter 23 I RUBBED my eyes when I felt so goddamn sleepy. I want to sleep so bad but I have to work. Today, I checked twenty pets and eight were admitted. Imagine how tired I feel right now. Fuck."You okay, ma'am?" Ashley tapped my shoulder. I just gave her a nod and closed my eyes. Even though I had enough sleep, the things that we're doing today makes me feel so goddamn tired. I just want to bury myself in my comforter and sleep to my heart's content."What time is it, Ash?" I asked her while my eyes are still closed. My head is throbbing and I'm silently hoping for the time to run fast."1:37, ma'am."I almost grunt because of what I heard. Fuck. It's still too early and I want to have a freaking rest already. The feeling of frustration and the urge to sleep suddenly made my chest tighten. Damn, I wanna cry.I closed my eyes tightly and let out an internal scream. Fuck. Why do people have to work to earn money? Can't we just earn money by not doing anything?Letting out a harsh
Chapter 24 WHITE LIGHTS made me close my eyes again. My fingers went to my forehead, gently massaging it as I tried to remember what happened a while ago. I let out a sigh. Yeah, I remember. I lost my consciousness after eating. I opened my eyes and the white ceiling of the hospital greeted me. I am in the hospital where Jeremy works. I'm sure of that. "Hey, how are you?" My heart almost jumped out from my ribcage when someone spoke beside me and I don't need to turn my head to see who it was. I recognize that deep and baritone voice all too well. I looked at Jeremy and my forehead knotted. There was gentleness in his eyes as he stared at me. His face looked calm and peaceful. "Jem?" I tried to sit on the hospital bed. Jeremy handed me an opened bottle of water which I quickly accepted. I drank it and afterwards, gave it back to him. The air feels cold and the hospital is kind of noisy. Not that kind of noise that would hurt your ears, but the kind of noise that people usually
Chapter 25 I STARED at him, dumbfounded. He. . . he won't let me move on from him because maybe. . . maybe he will fall with me, too?I laughed bitterly and stared at him in disbelief. My chest felt like it was being torn apart and it tightened, making my tears well up in the corners of my eyes. I gasped in pain and worry flashed in Jeremy's eyes upon seeing my reaction. I tried so hard to prevent my tears from falling but they fucking did. Fuck this. "Jann, did I say something wrong?" He tried to wipe my tears but I pushed his hands away. I shook my head and wiped my tears before looking at him. I didn't bother hiding my pain and my teary eyes. Heck. I let out a deep breath, hoping that doing that would make my chest feel lighter, but it didn't. I let out a sigh again before opening my mouth to speak,"I'm," I gulped, "I'm not just another 'maybe', Jem." I looked at him. "Please, don't. . . don't say those words to me. I want something. . . certain." I sniffed and wiped my tear