Chapter 3

Rachel had said, "If there's nothing seriously wrong with Diana, then just take her home. You should know better than to waste medical resources."

So it turned out that Todd would always be the exception.

I must already be dead inside because I didn't even have the energy to argue anymore.

I lowered my eyes and was about to take a sip of the soup when Rachel, having finished packing her things, suddenly said, "You made chicken noodle soup? Don't eat that. Todd is weak, and that is exactly what he needs to build his strength right now."

My hands tightened around the bowl. I just stared at her as I said, "Marla made this for me."

Acting like she hadn't heard me, Rachel went straight to the cupboard to grab a container. "I know perfectly well how healthy you are. It won't make a difference to you whether you eat that or not. Let Todd have that soup, and I'll take you to a restaurant next time."

Those familiar words dragged me back into the past once again.

"Joel, I'm giving my cloth ration ticket to Todd. When I get my next paycheck, we'll use that to make clothes for Diana."

"Joel, don't go to the performance tonight. Give your seat to Todd. I'll take you next time the dance troupe comes to perform."

"Joel, Todd wants to meet my friends, so sit this gathering out. I'll bring you next time."

"Joel…"

There had been so many "next times" that I'd long since lost count.

While I was lost in thought, Rachel poured the chicken noodle soup into the container.

"I'm going to go now," she said halfheartedly. "Take care of yourself."

As she turned to leave, the hem of her coat caught the edge of the bowl, knocking it to the floor. It shattered into countless pieces, just like my heart.

"Rachel." I stopped her. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the glass jar filled with the 99 beans. "There are 99 beans now. Count them."

Rachel froze, then turned around in shock. "Is there already 99 of them?"

"Yeah."

She set the container down, looking conflicted. I didn't say a word. I just wanted an answer.

And just as I expected, Rachel only hesitated for a moment before saying, "Joel, Todd really can't be left alone right now…"

There was a flicker of guilt in her eyes, but she still said, "Let's call off that agreement we had…"

I lowered my gaze, a soft sigh escaping my lips. "Fine."

Rachel froze, clearly in disbelief that I had given in so easily. She then threw her arms around me and said, "Joel, you're the best. Don't worry. Once Todd gets better, I'll make it up to you."

I hummed in response and only made one request. "Diana's first birthday is coming up. I hope you can get a charm bracelet for her."

At the mention of Diana, Rachel's expression softened. "Okay. When I get back, I'll buy our little girl the best, most beautiful charm bracelet."

My pupils shook as the grief of losing Diana crashed over me all over again. "Okay."

But my little Diana would never get to see it.

After Rachel left, I got up and opened a drawer to pull out a neat stack of medical documents. It consisted of the first positive pregnancy test, the first prenatal checkup, and Diana's birth certificate…

Whenever Rachel wasn't home at night, I would take them out and go through them again and again. They held all my anticipation and thrill of becoming a first-time dad, as well as all my hopes as a husband for our family. But now…

I pulled the death certificate from my pocket and, with trembling hands, placed it on top of the pile.

Tears spilled, soaking into the paper. It felt like I was saying a final goodbye.

I took a deep breath and was just about to shut the drawer when Rachel's voice suddenly sounded right behind me.

"What are you doing?"

I hurriedly shut the drawer, wiping the tears from my eyes.

Rachel walked over, her gaze fixed on the drawer.

While pressing my back flat against the chest, I tried changing the subject. "Why did you come back?"