Chapter 35: The Stains that stay

Ryan barely slept that night.

Even with the apartment cleared, even with Adrien behind bars, even with Chris sleeping on the couch and Daniel sitting awake by his door his mind wouldn’t let go.

Every creak sounded like a threat. Every shadow looked like Adrien’s silhouette. He didn’t trust the silence anymore.

He stared at the ceiling until light filtered through the curtains.

By morning, he hadn’t closed his eyes once.

Chris handed him tea with honey. Daniel made eggs, though Ryan barely touched them. It wasn’t hunger gnawing at him it was fear, burrowed deep into his chest like a parasite that refused to be cut out.

“He can’t hurt you anymore,” Chris said, but even his voice sounded tired. Hollow.

“I know,” Ryan said. “But it doesn’t feel over.”

Chris sat beside him, one hand on Ryan’s knee. “It will. You just need time.”

Daniel leaned on the wall, arms crossed. His gaze hadn’t left Ryan all morning.

“There’s something you need to see,” he said finally. “But only if you’re ready.”

Ryan hesitated. “What is it?”

Daniel pulled out a slim manila folder something the officers gave him after Adrien’s arrest. Inside were pages of notes, copies of entries from Adrien’s journal, fragments of his obsession in ink.

Ryan swallowed hard.

The top page read:

Subject: Ryan L.

Phase One: Approach and Capture

Phase Two: Isolation

Phase Three: Integration

Below, Adrien had written:

“He belongs to no one else. They’ve failed him. His light needs the right container, or it will burn everything. I am the container.”

Ryan closed the folder immediately, his hands trembling.

“I don’t want to know more,” he said. “I’ve seen enough.”

Daniel nodded. “You don’t have to.”

But the damage was done. The words etched themselves into his mind anyway. I am the container.

Ryan looked up. “Did they say how long he’ll be held?”

“For now?” Daniel answered. “Until the hearing. He’s facing multiple charges breaking and entering, harassment, possession of illegal surveillance content, and psychological endangerment. But…”

“But?” Ryan pressed.

“He’s pleading mental instability. His lawyers are already pushing for treatment instead of prison.”

Of course they were.

Chris cursed under his breath. “If they let him walk out of this with a psych evaluation and a fucking therapy order”

“He won’t be walking anywhere,” Daniel interrupted. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”

Ryan gave him a faint look. “You’re not a judge.”

“No,” Daniel said, voice quiet. “But I can make sure the people who are know exactly what Adrien did. And what he’s capable of.”

A silence settled between them.

Then Ryan stood.

“I want to go somewhere.”

Chris blinked. “Where?”

“Campus chapel,” Ryan said. “It’s quiet there.”

Daniel looked skeptical. “You sure you want to go back to school grounds so soon?”

Ryan nodded. “I need to feel like I’m not hiding.”

The chapel was empty, sunlight spilling through stained-glass windows in fractured color.

Ryan sat in the middle pew, alone.

It wasn’t about praying. It wasn’t about religion. It was about space about stillness. About having somewhere to put the weight he carried so it didn’t crush him completely.

He sat there for a long time, eyes closed, breathing in and out like he was still learning how.

After a while, someone approached.

Daniel.

He sat beside him without speaking.

Ryan broke the silence. “I was so stupid.”

“No,” Daniel said. “You were kind. There’s a difference.”

“I didn’t see it. Any of it. I thought he was just awkward. Just lonely. I thought I was helping him feel seen.”

Daniel looked at him. “He used that. That’s not on you.”

“But it keeps happening,” Ryan whispered. “First Jake. Then Adrien. People who want me, but not in the right way. They don’t know me. They create me into something and fall in love with that version. And then they break when I don’t match it.”

Daniel reached for his hand but didn’t take it just rested his own nearby.

“I don’t want anyone to love me like that again,” Ryan said. “Not with obsession. Not with control. Not with… hunger.”

“What kind of love do you want?” Daniel asked softly.

Ryan stared ahead. “The kind that sees me scared. The kind that stays without trying to fix me. Someone who doesn’t need me to be a symbol or a savior or a fantasy. Just me.”

Daniel didn’t speak for a moment.

Then quietly, “I see you.”

Ryan turned to him.

“I always have,” Daniel continued. “Even when I didn’t act like it. Even when I got it wrong. I saw you then, and I see you now.”

The air between them stilled.

It wasn’t a confession.

It wasn’t a plea.

It was just… real.

Ryan didn’t move. But his eyes filled.

And for the first time in weeks maybe months he let someone hold that silence with him. Without demanding more from it.

Not every wound heals in light.

Some heal in shadow.

But they do heal.

Eventually.