To Be A Screamer.

Jada.

His words reechoed in my ears as I stood still for half a minute before slowly reaching for the zipper at the back of my dress.

He swiftly moved forward and gently brushed my hand away. “Here, let me help you.”

My blood pumped faster as his finger ghosted over the zipper and pulled. He was careful not to catch my hair and that alone told me how often he had undressed a woman that even in moments like this, he hadn’t forgotten how to. The act was possibly engrained in his brain.

I was about to be another notch on his bed post. A notch he would never even know he had fucked.

As the zipper drew down, he brushed off the straps of the dress from my shoulder leaving me in just a bra upwards.

He walked away from my back and around me before gesturing for me to continue with the striping process.

How very gracious that my purity would be striped away by him.

I reached for my dress to completely pull it off and realize that my fingers were trembling. My body hadn’t caught up to the fact that we were pretending to be sexy and confident Ivy and still acted nervous.

I kicked the gown away and reached for my bra. My eyes sought his in the moment, the worst decision I could have possibly made because his eyes were fixated on me filled with an emotion I couldn’t decipher and that alone rocked me at my core and made my heartbeat speed up.

I took my bra off, took my panties off and stood before him bare as the day I was born. His eyes raked over me in appreciation.

“I swear to god I cannot believe you're a virgin, Ivy. It still goes over my head. I guess tonight would erase me of all my doubts.” He said. A shiver ran through me at the words.

The thought scared me. Stories ran through my mind of multiple hurtful first times. Friends that had done it once and sworn never to do it again.

Relationships that ended because the first time was too hurtful, too scary, too unforseen. Girls who couldn't live with themselves after. Tears wasted on boys who had gotten the quick release they wanted.

I went stiff. Ice cold. This would hurt. A lot. And the wasn't a single thing I could do about it, as much as I tried. My parents had chosen me as the scapegoat, and what they said was law.

He instructed and I obeyed, unwilling to get on his bad side, and turn him off. But despite the obedience, despite the lack of choice, my heart raced. My body hummed with anticipation beyond my control.

I didn't want to do it.

But I couldn't help that my head felt cloudy with his touch and my blood hummed. My hands reached for my mouth to trap the sounds that wanted to spill out back inside but they fell out anyways.

“Oh Rowan... please stop... please.” A cool inside me wound tight for a second and snapped giving way to a flush of my fluids out of me.

My first orgasm that wasn’t from my own hands.

By the end of the night, it was done. Confirmed, used and taken. I was a virgin no more.

Hot tears rolled down my face at the realization and I reached an arm over my head to hide them.

I had lost my virginity, to not just anyone, but my brother in law. I had felt things I had never felt before in a manner I didn't even consent to.

I felt used. Stupid.

And worst of all, like a mere object used to please Mr Rowan.

*

I was slowly lulled into consciousness by the rhythmic buzz of the air conditioning of the room. My room had never been that cold during summers like that growing up. Something was wrong.

My eyes peeled open slowly as the room before me is blurry but soon cleared up. I was in a hotel room by myself. My hands ran down my body. I was naked.

I moved and the movement made a dull pain ring throughout my body. The main source was between my legs. It was then that everything from the day before came back to me.

Instead of simply getting my virginity confirmed by a servant of Rowan’s. He had been the one and he wanted to check my bluff there and then, with his own dick.

He hadn’t spoken to me so much during the act. Perhaps he wasn’t the type who liked communicating during the act. I had learned that and I had also learned I was a screamer. I was certain the people next door had ample knowledge of what had happened the night before.

I scrambled out of bed in search of Rowan, I check the bathroom, balcony and everywhere he could possibly be before I saw the note he had left.

‘Took the sheets while you were still asleep. Go home and get proper rest. I’ll have you know my response tonight.’

With a sigh, I balled up the paper and trashed it before going to freshen up and return home. My parents were definitely going to grill me. I knew that for sure.

I had made it home quite early, they were yet to have breakfast and no one seemed to have come out of their rooms. I snuck back to mine and tried to busy myself with reading while I awaited their calls. That didn’t take so long.

A maid had been sent to send for me of us to have brunch together as a family, Ivy included.

“So how did it go?” Ivy was the first to ask just as I sat down at the table.

I uncovered my plate of bacon and eggs. “It went well,” I said in my most nonchalant tone. I didn’t want her to know that I felt betrayed loosing myself to a man who didn’t want me, let alone love me.

“Did he do well? In bed, I mean.” She asked as I slide a spoon filled with backed beans into my mouth. I choked on my food.

“Ivy,” mother scolded harshly while I tried to recover.

“I hope for your sake he wore a condom.”

At her words, I froze, unable to remember if he did.