NOT MY MATE

Kieran’s Point Of View 

“I heard you passed out in white fur square.”

Mirian was the first to approach me as I filed out of the narrow entrance of the white fur square. I had stayed back to let everyone leave with a smug look on their face before I came out, weak and ashamed.

I had no idea who to blame the mess on. I didn’t know if I should blame it on what Rasputin said about the Moon Goddess picking a wretch like me as Alpha Colten’s mate. Or if I should blame it on the fact that I ate nothing before checking into the white fur square with others.

Both reasons were ridiculous, but I thought I should see a doctor to be able to determine why it happened. If the doctor places it on hunger, then I will blame Madam Nadia for the misfortune.

She was the one who shunned me for wanting food while others were setting out to witness what could have been the pack’s greatest event. Plus, she made mention of noble ladies wishing the goddess would pick them as mates to the alpha of our dear Blue Rain pack.

“I didn’t see you there, where were you?” I asked in response, ignoring the prying eyes staring at both of us and the mocking smugness on the unhappy faces around. 

I ruined their day, I know, but I never planned for such. It was a total coincidence.

“Leave my absence aside,” she ran a finger on my cheek and placed her dorsum on my neck to feel my temperature. “You don’t look sick.”

“I am not,” I shrugged her dorsum off my neck.

“Why then did you faint in the big hall, huh?” she asked like she was enraged with something she might have heard from one of the pale faces around.

I hate to be judged based on what people say to a friend, but I trust she won’t act stupid for long. She would come back to her senses soon. I was certain.

She leaned in on me and whispered. “Did you eat before going there?”

I hugged her and whispered back. “No, Madam Nadia didn’t let me.”

She nearly burst into laughter, but somehow, she managed to hold it, though I felt a piece of it. she broke the hug and crossed her hands around my shoulders. 

“They said the alpha rejected you because you're wretched and the other alphas nearly fought over you.” She didn’t mind raising her voice this time because she probably wanted to annoy a few people standing around. “Such a wonderful sight I missed today.”

I knew she would be proud of me, especially if they told him Alpha Alfred removed his grove to challenge Alpha Colten, and Alpha Rogan was the first to say he wanted me.

The whole thing was beginning to become quite magnificent with her at my side, speaking in a loud voice and joy to annoy those who brought the news to her in an odd light.

“But Alpha Colten made a mistake.” She shouted. “You are the best in the whole wide world. None in this pack; I said none in this pack, and other packs are better than you are!”

“Indeed,” a cold voice interrupted.

We paused and looked forward. 

It was Madam Nadia. She was sitting in her coach, looking down at us with a huge smirk on her face. She’s not that bad, though, but she’s usually too serious, and she has many times warned us to keep off from each other because we did nothing but gossip and imagined a life better than what we have now whenever we have free time.

“Good morning,” I said hurriedly, “Madam Nadia.”

She nodded gently as Mirian took her hand off my shoulder. Believe me, Mirian never gave a fuck about Madam Nadia, because her uncle’s influence always shielded her, plus her supervisor was Madam Nadia’s strong rival who would never buy an idea of punishing her on behalf of Madam Nadia.

“Kieran, join me here.”

I joined her in the coach, and she nodded at her coachman, who was standing by the door of the coach, staring into my face like he was startled from the onset to hear the mess I caused in the white fur square.

He snapped the door of the coach shut and made it to his place. He mounted and pulled the horse reins, and the horses took off, drawing the coach. The ride was a slow and peaceful one because Madam Nadia chose silence over nagging and shunning.

We rode out of town and down to the long quiet road leading to the countryside. The ride continued till we got to the bridge that linked the other half of our territory to the big town.

I heard the coachman’s boots grace the ground, and crushed gravel and grass as he made to the door of the coach. He pulled it open, and I stepped out, along with Madam Nadia.

She led the way in silence, while I followed her, to the other end of the river where we usually did the laundry when clothes were piled and brought down to the lower chamber of the pack house every morning.

She stopped and faced the river. I did the same, and she never said a thing till the bird on a tree nearby took off. 

She bent slowly, picked a stone, pouted, and tossed it into the river. The calm river swallowed the stone like it was nothing. Even the fish were not bothered. They were pack-protected treasure, so they knew no one would come fishing unless with permission from the alpha.

“You ruined the greatest moment of our pack last night.” She turned to face me. “Even if you weren’t feeling alright, you should have done something not to bother the occasion. You should have left the arena. Why are you so stupid?”

I couldn’t utter a word. I had no idea what to say.

“I blame myself at the end of the day. I should have let you have some food.” She added. “But you know what, you can’t keep causing chaos. I already arranged a place for you. You will join a friend of mine in the convent of the moon goddess.”

My eyes narrowed at the mention of the convent. For heaven’s sake, I have no plan to end up as a nun or a priestess. That position is left for those who could not find their mate at twenty-five.

I am nineteen for crying out loud. And I have the dream of finding my mate someday, getting marked, married, and mated. Not a damn lonely life in the convent with unhappy nuns sending me to the convent’s grape yard to pluck grapes and make wine.

“I…”

“You have no say,” she spat. “You have no say, Kieran. You just prolonged the alpha’s grief. Do you know how long it will take till we see another full moon in the sky, you…”

She raised her hand but stopped mid-air, then she gently lowered it to her side. 

“Everyone is making a mockery of me. They said I allowed you to ruin the pack’s greatest moment. That’s enough to put me off my place even at the lower chamber,” she breathed with slight difficulty. “I feel like stabbing your ass and watching you bleed out for real!”

I remained silent. I had felt heavenly when Mirian praised me just to make some people feel bad. But now, I feel horrible with Madam Nadia swearing at my face.

“From now onwards, you will do your very best to stay away from any public gathering. Away from anyone who will point fingers at you. Away from the visitors of the palace. And away from the alpha.”

That was the last straw. But I had no choice. I nodded gently. I had to. At least, he didn’t ask me to stay away from my friend, Mirian.

“And, I don’t want to see you strolling with that good-for-nothing!”

What? She just said it. that’s worse than the sanctions she just placed on me. I would rather opt for the convent than accept the last sanction. I love Mirian. I can’t do without her.

I didn’t nod this time.