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CONSUMED MY THOUGHTS
Tanggal publikasi:
2026-04-16 00:12:54
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According to his secretary CRAWFORD'S SICKNESS
I’m full of self loathing and guilt as the address comes in. It’s the main house, where I grew up. Where all my demons are. I can’t help but notice the irony, it’ll end where it started, at least for me.Fiona suggests we tie her up, or cuff her to make it believable, but she takes one look at my expression and quickly changes her mind, I wonder what she sees, guilt, shame? The fact that I can’t call myself human after this is over?Tim drives us there, the whole time my neck is stiff, and spine is arrow straight.My friends already made celebratory plans for when all of it is over, but I know what they’ll find after. I’ve been working on it. They’ll hate me, but they’ll understand that there’s nothing for me here anymore.They’d understand.As the car inched closer to the main house, images of being jerked around by Crawford floods my mind. The time I ended up running down this driveway in nothing but boxers and a busted lip.No one was down here, no one came to save me.At the end,
According to his secretary BIG BROTHER
My lungs refuse to work as Fiona speaks with Crawford. It feels sticky inside, blood frozen in my veins. She must sense my guilt, so as she speaks in a shaky voice, she doesn’t look up at me. Still, it doesn’t ease the boulder that lodges itself in my chest. Crawford asks to speak with me and she finally turns to me, eyes full of regret, she shoots me a small, watery smile before handing me the phone. My hands are stiff. Tim walks to me, standing right next to me so I know he’s here, brows drawn, glare as hot as the sun directed at the phone. I find it’s easier to breathe with the realization that I’m not alone. Crawford doesn’t say anything, but his too steady breathing over the phone lets me know exactly what is going on, he’s angry in ways that he’s just inventing himself. Plus, the silence is to rattle me. I square my shoulders.This is war. We’ve been going at it since I was born, he’s always had the upper hand, this time though, I managed to one up him, and with that hand and
According to his secretary THE PLAN
CARSON BITTERS POV I threw up thrice before Robin said we should call the whole thing off, arguing that we’d try again with something less dehumanizing.“Don’t be stupid. This our only chance and you know it. We blow it and I’ll be chasing cold trails for the rest of my life. Those girls will never have a life in the meantime.” I had said, glaring at him from the floor of the toilet.I’d never seen him so rattled, for the first time in a long time, I saw that look in his eyes again. Like he pitied me. And I fucking hated it.“It’s us.”“What?”“We’ll be chasing cold trails for the rest of our lives. There hasn’t been a time we weren’t in this together. And there never will be.”My acidic mouth was left hanging for a while, his words sinking in slowly. It’s not the first time any of them mentioned it, but it hits a lot different when you’re literally at rock bottom where it seems going up is a distant dream. Scrubbing the back of my hand across my mouth
According to his secretary THE BEATEN
We go out to celebrate Lynn’s acceptance. The two of them say it’s not a big deal, and we have to wait for Carson anyway. They aren’t wrong, but I’m not putting anything before them again. I resented Natalia a lot, I don’t want Carson and I to suffer the same thing. This is something I want to protect and nurture in the best way possible. Plus, this is a small celebration.I invite the rest of our siblings for a bigger one. But that’ll happen when Carson gets back. He’s part of us now.Lynn will be out of Coldwater and leaving home for the first time. Her achievements deserve to be celebrated. At dinner, I get sucked into her excitement, and I wonder how she managed to keep it ‘lowkey’ as they called it. Glenn also looked happy for her, but I don’t miss the way he looked at her like he was memorizing her face, or the way he blinked back tears. It was heart achingly sweet and torture at once.They’ve never been separated before. It’ll be hard on him. The dinner is like old times, I
According to his secretary FOR HIM
Carson is nowhere to be found.Lynn made me talk about him while I ate, she was trying to make me eat, and it worked. I could talk about him for hours unend and still have things to say. I told them about our snowball fight– their faces fell when they heard I’d never done that before. With every word I said about him, I missed him greatly, but I was sure about one thing. There’s no life as usual for me after this.Falling in love with Carson was the turning point of my entire life, I never want to go back to the person I was without him. He’s gotten under my skin, made home in my heart, and mind, consumed my soul… I’m not sure I remember what it felt like without his incessant stories at the back of my mind, his smell, the feel of his skin… Goddammit. Where is he?Does he not feel the way I do?Can’t he tell that I miss him? That my lungs burn with longing for him… My phone rings, and I quickly swipe accept, keeping my eyes on the entrance to Robin’s building, in case he walks out
According to his secretary WHERE IS CARSON?
“Carson didn’t do anything wrong, he doesn’t even know Robin likes him like that.” I defend quickly, twisting in my seat to face him so he sees that what happened back there was entirely my fault.Glenn rolls his eyes at me,“You’re so in love with him, it’s gross.”I find myself smiling softly at that. This time it’s not because I think he’s efficient for my life, this time it’s because I was meant to love him.“If I wasn’t so excited for you, I’d gag over it.” Lynn laughs.It’s my turn to roll my eyes. And I start driving, the plan is to take them to their apartment, and then go back to Carson’s.“You haven’t eaten anything, have you?” Lynn asks from her place at the back seat.Food has been the last thing on my mind since last night. I’ve gotten very used to eating and sleeping with Carson that the thought of doing them on my own is not at all enticing. I don’t want to do either of them without him. “Take us with you, we’ll wait for him together.”I find her eyes in the rear view
According to his secretary STORAGE CLOSET SHENANIGHANS
The case is everywhere. Headlines like, BITTERS YOUNG LAWYER VINDICATES FRAMED WOMAN, are the only trending topics for the next few hours. From how they are Bitters law firm focused, I could tell they were all made by one person. Patricia fell to her knees, crying with relief.She was the only pe
According to his secretary I WANT ALL OF YOU
This time he doesn’t have to give me pointers.My jaw nearly unhinges as I take him in, but I’m quick to adjust, tasting his saltiness on my tongue, enjoying the feel of him rolling around on my tongue. “Just like that.” he hisses, fingers in my hair, guiding my head like some form of claw machine
According to his secretary SAY THAT AGAIN
Pulling away from his hug, I meet his mouth for a salty kiss, Asher kisses me back softly, I deepen it, pushing my tongue into his hot mouth, shivering at both the warmth and the intensity. My hands work fast, hurriedly pulling off his shirt, popping a few buttons in the process, he doesn’t seem t
According to his secretary ASHER'S DEBT
Forty eight hours. That’s all we have. Plus, the detective is out there searching for his own evidence against Patricia. I fear the kind of evidence Crawful– hey! I like this name!– would pull out of his ass. Since she didn’t do it, there’s no way they have a footage of her doing this crime. I kn
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