After She Blocked Me Ninety-Nine Times, My Wolf Is Dying

An engine revs and my pulse spikes instantly , he's here. He hasn’t always made himself known. But now he was growing bolder , he was making sure I knew he was back. I slowly place my pen down from where I was hunched over my desk working on my assignment. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and a shiver runs through my body. I lick my suddenly dry lips and exhale a shaky breath.

I could have moved my desk weeks ago , months ago even when I first started seeing him. At first a shadow that made me think I was seeing things then the shadow would stand longer to make sure I saw him. He would come closer to make sure his movement caught my eye. I started to thank him in my own mind for finally showing himself , at least I knew now I wasn’t crazy. No I wasn’t but I did have a stalker and I had yet to report that I had , maybe I was crazy.

One day I hadn’t heard his bike but when I had looked up from my work I had seen him sitting on his bike with his helmet still on as he watched me through the window. Before he just used to stand in the shadow , bike helmet on but no bike could be seen. Like I said he was getting bolder. Maybe because I had yet to report him. The reason why I hadn’t bewildered me , because I had no reason. His presence scared me , sure. My heart always pounds and I start to sweat , my breathing changes and my brain shouts at me to run , yet I still haven’t. Why ?

Maybe it was because he had yet to make a move to come towards me. He never stepped any closer , never made a move to enter my home. He just stood across the street or now he sat on his bike across the street. I did often wonder what I would do if he did though ?

Recently it was like he signalled he was here out of impatience , he wanted me to look up from my desk. I could get lost for hours in my work. Sometimes my work had me trapped for days without a thought of the outside world creeping in. I could start in the daylight and not look around again until the moon was high in the sky. He wanted to see my face though , that I had now worked out. For what purpose I was still unsure. Besides him watching me he does nothing else. He occasionally tilts his helmeted head to one side as if studying me , once he has a look at my face for a few minutes he usually leaves. It makes me wonder about the times he didn’t come on his bike how long he had waited for before I lifted my face to the window.

Lifting my head , my blurry eyes from focusing on the words and numbers in front of me slowly start to clear and he comes into focus. He’s not sitting straddling his bike tonight he's climbed off , but he is leaning back on it. His arms crossed over his chest , he dosen't have his leather jacket on tonight. Instead his arms are on show , his hands covered in black gloves and a skin tight black t-shirt clings to his frame. His legs are crossed at the ankles, his legs are clad in what look like black jeans and then his signature thick black bike boots on his feet.

I look back up to his covered face and his head tilts slightly to the left. My heart pounds as sweat breaks out on my skin. But again I don’t pick up my phone or run away. Instead I slowly stand and when I do his head goes back up straight. This was new for me , I would usually stay seated while he watched me.

But I had promised I would find out what he wanted , I wouldn't go out there but after the last time he left I had grabbed some plain paper and a thick black marker pen and quickly scribbled out some signs. This had been happening now for nearly four months and it was now I had only just found the confidence to make some sort of contact.

I move around my desk and reach for the paper signs that had been sitting there for the past two nights , he didn't come every night. His pattern of coming wasn't one I could follow either. Some weeks he showed up every night, others maybe only once or twice.

I looked down at my shaky fingers and at the top sign. It asked the most obvious question.

“ What do you want ? “

I lifted it to the glass , my breathing coming out fast at what I was doing. Survival 101 would not be to interact with a man that watches you from outside of your window. But here I was , doing just that, instead of what most logical people would do.

I watched to see his reaction , but he didn’t move, didn't react, he just stood there. I don’t know what I expected from doing this. For him to suddenly rip his element off and start talking to me ? Or maybe to see if that's all it took for him to break the cycle and actually come after me ?

When he made no movement , I took the first sign off and pressed the second one to the glass.

“ Who are you ? “

I held my breath and waited , but again nothing. No movement.

So I tried my last sign , the one that made my hands shake as I wrote it out. The one that I nearly ripped up did I want to know the answer to this one ?

“ Are you going to hurt me ? “

I looked away when I first put the sign to the window , I looked down at my feet chickening out. But I scolded myself , I couldn’t ask then not see his answer. So , I took a few calming breaths and slowly I looked up. He was back on his bike straddling it , but he was still looking up at me. Or at the sign maybe I had slapped on the glass.

I watched in horror as he nodded , just two subtle bobs of his head. I took a step back, gasping.

The sign floated away from the window and hitting the floor. His engine started and he revved it. Then he left. He sped off down the street like he always does , like someone was chasing him.