Chapter 03

DEA

I wondered how many people found themselves awake at night, simply glaring up at the ceiling while they contemplated their life. My thoughts made it impossible to sleep, or maybe that was the cup of coffee I drank before bed. No, it was probably both as well as Jason's snoring.

He sounded like a hippocampus giving birth. How was anybody meant to get sleep with that sound incessantly booming in their ears?

I shuffled beneath the sheets until I was on my side, facing him. Jason Yates was good-looking, I suppose. He had the average male height and build going for him with soft features. His reddish-brown hair had streaks of silver through it and crow's feet lined his eyes. He was starting to wear his age even at the young age of thirty. There was a fresh coat of stubble on his jaw and cheeks—which weren't that well defined since he had a tiny double chin and his lips were two thin, pale lines on his face.

It never mattered to me how he looked, though. It was always the way he thought and how smart he was that attracted me to him. Five years ago, he was a completely different man. Sure, he was focused on his career back then but he was also focused on me. On us. He was sweet and charming, even a little nerdy which increased his appeal to me. When we first began seeing each other we made time for one another. He would whisk me out on random dates to do fun activities together and spend quality time getting to know one another. After we reached the one-year mark of our relationship, I decided that we were compatible with one another. That he would be the one I would be marrying to settle down with. But, as time went on he never made the effort to progress the relationship.

After we had moved in together, he seemed happy to just live like this forever. It should have been enough for me because we were both happy, but it wasn't. So, when I began asking questions about when he planned to settle down, things took a drastic turn for the worst.

I groaned as I twisted in bed again, this time tossing the sheets off me and throwing my legs off the edge. Maybe this was my fault. I shouldn't have asked all those questions. We would have still been blissfully happy if I hadn't. I left the bedroom, pulling on a gown and slipping my feet into my trainers before exiting the apartment altogether—not forgetting to bring my glasses along with me this time.

There was no point in me staying here if I couldn't get any sleep. Fresh air would do me some good anyway.

I took the elevator down to the lobby of our apartment building. It was nothing grand, perfect for someone making a minimum wage. Most of this building housed either college students or people who worked in the science institute. There was also a handful of elderly residents but they were the sweetest of the lot—at least, to me they were.

I stepped out into the chilly, black night and plopped down on the steps leading up to the building. Dark clouds loomed ominously above, promising a storm tomorrow but that was nothing unusual. After a while, one grew used to the dreary weather. It was better than the heat wave we had suffered this past summer.

And that was when I smelt it.

It was a scent I had only smelt once before almost a week ago—cinnamon and spice like my pumpkin spice latte but better. My head whipped to the side, gaze honing in on the shadowed figure making its way up the street.

I was moving before my brain could comprehend my actions, leaping off the two steps until I hit the sidewalk. When he neared me, I made out his familiar chiseled features and my breath caught.

He was more beautiful than I remembered.

Victor, his name had etched itself into my brain, making it impossible to forget, paused in front of me. His eyes illuminated under the glow of the street light, captivating me. He raised his hands and began signing, reminding me that he couldn't speak.

"Hi."

"Hey..." There was a note of relief that rang in my voice and I wasn't even sure why.

It was as if the thoughts keeping me up at night had stilled and ebbed away the moment I was in his presence. How weird.

"What are you doing out here?" He signed, gaze roaming the empty streets, "and you're by yourself. It's not safe."

I waved him off, "It's fine," the crime rate in this neighborhood wasn't high and it wasn't the first time I found myself alone on this stoop at night, "there's nothing to worry about."

"You never know what can happen and who lurks in the darkness," he ominously signed and, even though he hadn't said those words aloud, they had their intended effect, sending a shiver racing down my spine.

"What are you doing out here at night?" I challenged the silent, almost brooding stranger.

All sense of preservation had flown out the window. Or, more accurately, was left back in my apartment. I should have been heading back to my hippocampus snoring boyfriend but here I was.

Victor's full lips twitched upward as he signed, "Couldn't sleep so I'm out for a walk."

Somehow, I felt that was a half-truth but I wasn't sure why.

"Do you live nearby?" I questioned. It wasn't as if I knew everyone who lived on this block but I would have at least seen him before this, or before our encounter the other day.

He offered me a stiff nod before gesturing with the tip of his chin down the street he had just walked up from.

How convenient.

"Just moved in," he signed as if sensing my confusion about why I hadn't seen him before.

"That's nice," I pointed to my apartment building with my thumb, "this is where I live. What are the odds? I never thought I'd see you again."

My statement seemed to have made him uncomfortable as he shuffled on his feet, "I'm sorry, I should probably get going."

"No," the word rolled off my tongue before I could stop it. My cheeks flared with heat but I was grateful they couldn't show my blush, "no, stay. I could use the company."

His shoulders arched forward in relief and he moved to sit on the steps I had just leaped off, tapping the spot beside him in an urge for me to sit next to him.

I complied but some part of me was vaguely aware that I was too trusting of him—I stuffed that part of me away, ignoring the warning bells that were going off in my head, "Why did you move here?"

"Business," he signed the single word and then tipped his head as if telling me it was my turn to answer my own question.

"I grew up on the reservation and moved here for college. Then stayed when I got a job," I confessed, it had been a long time since I had gone back home. After mom died, I never found a reason to.

"The reservation?" Surprise graced his features.

I hummed in response, "My mom was Native American and my dad was a skinny white boy. I'm not sure what she saw in him but...here I am," a huff of amusement left me, "they're both no more."

"I'm sorry..." Sadness flooded his gaze and, I realized, this man's eyes spoke volumes even if his mouth did not.

"It's no biggie," came my honest response, "I didn't really know my dad. He died in an accident just before I was born. My mom moved back to the reservation to take care of my brother and me. She passed when I was eighteen with a heart condition. My brother was nineteen at the time. It's been years now."

Sometimes, it hit me how much I missed her. She was a pillar of strength in my life, always supporting me. Maybe that was the reason I couldn't find it in me to go back home. There were too many memories of her. We shared such a close-knit relationship that, when she passed even though it was expected, it still shattered a piece of me that I never was able to glue back together.

"What do you do?" He asked the question this time.

"I'm a scientist," I shrugged, "theoretical scientist. I'm kind of into figuring out the universe and the interactions between matter and energy, you know, rationalizing it to make it easier to understand."

His lips thinned as he tucked them between his perfect rows of teeth before signing, "Not everything needs to be understood. Some things don't make sense and that's okay."

"But wouldn't it be nice if we could understand it? What if we could know and understand what happens in the deep reaches of outer space or down at the bottom of the deepest oceans," my excitement about the topic was bubbling over, reminding me why I had chosen this field. The workings of the universe were complex and fascinating, "sorry, the nerd in me is showing. What do you do?"

Victor, once again, shifted uncomfortably. In the process, he had created a wider space between us as if he didn't want to touch me. I wasn't sure if I should have felt offended or taken it as a good sign, knowing that I was safe with him.

I felt a mixture of both.

"You could say I do social work," he finally signed after a long while.

"That's interesting, you don't seem like the type," I imagined his job must have been difficult for him with his brooding exterior.

Then again, I had warmed up to him so easily.

"What are you doing out here?" He signed, changing the topic and rounding back to his initial question.

I recalled not answering the first time, more focused on reassuring Victor that I was in no danger. Now that I thought about it, I didn't understand why I needed to reassure him of that. Maybe it was the type of work he did that made him so worried, that was why he cared. Only God knew—if I believed in divinity—what atrocities he had witnessed.

I craned my neck, my gaze latching onto the bedroom window of my apartment. A warm yellow glow emitted from the drawn curtains, meaning Jason had woken up and noticed I was missing. I shot up, bobbing my gaze between Victor and my apartment building, "I need to go but, to answer your question, I couldn't sleep so I decided to get some fresh air."

Victor followed my line of sight, "What's wrong?"

"My uh..."

Why did I feel guilt coil around me like the constricting muscles of an anaconda?

I inhaled a shaky breath before continuing, "My boyfriend is awake so I should probably head up so he knows that I'm okay and doesn't start worrying about me."

"Boyfriend?" He signed the word dejectedly.

"Yeah," my smile wavered, "maybe I'll see you around," I didn't wait for him to sign his response because I was scared the undue guilt I felt would end up suffocating me.

So, I left him sitting on the steps as I entered the building and rushed to the elevator, taking it up to my floor. I hadn't done anything wrong. We had run into each other and started talking. I barely even knew the guy and it wasn't as if we were passing flirtatious remarks with one another.

Then, why did I feel this way? Why did I not want to go back to my apartment, to the man I loved?

The chrome doors parted and I made a beeline to the first door on my left-hand side. When I entered, I found Jason seated at the edge of one of our lazy boys in the living room.

His hazel eyes were hooded with exhaustion and something else as they pinned me in place, "Where were you?" He asked the question as if he already knew the answer.

As if it were a test.

"Outside. I needed to clear my head, sorry if I woke you."

"Who was that man you were with?" His voice dropped an octave, sounding threatening—I had never seen or heard him like this before so this was new to me.

"Just some guy who moved in a few doors down from us recently," I played it cool but inside I was panicking like Melman—the giraffe from Madagascar.

"You left me alone in bed to go entertain some random guy on the street?" A vein on Jason's head throbbed angrily.

"It's not like that and you know it," I challenged with a calm voice, "you know I always step out to get some air when I can't sleep. He just so happened to be walking by and we started talking. You're overthinking it."

His eyelids fluttered shut and he drew in what seemed to be a long, calming breath before opening them again, "You're right. I just..." Jason shook his head trying to shake away the thought as well, "we've been arguing so much, I guess I was worried you weren't happy so you found someone else."

"And you thought I'd meet that someone else outside our apartment building?" I tried not to feel offended but it was hard not to, "Forget that, you thought I'd disrespect you like that, cheat on you just because of a few arguments. Fights are normal, Jason. You know I'm not that type of person. I've never given you a reason to doubt me in the five years we've been together so why are you doubting me now?"

He shook his head again, "I don't know. I'm sorry, you're right. I guess seeing you with him made me realize how much I hate seeing you with another guy. It made me realize how much you mean to me."

"All it took was a little bout of jealousy for you to realize that," I grumbled more to myself.

"Let's get to bed, we both have an early morning tomorrow," he dismissed my words as he I hadn't even said them, stalking off into the bedroom.

Loosening an exasperated breath, I followed him but my mind was still on the man I had left on the stoop of my apartment building, hoping that I would somehow run into him again.