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11

Author: Alyssa J
I returned to my room, locked the door behind me, then took out my journal from the drawer and turned to the newest page.

The final page. When I began to write, I suddenly found it difficult.

All thoughts in my mind scattered again, like a jumbled code impossible to decipher.

My abdomen, head, and heart all felt as though they were being carved open with a knife.

Suddenly I felt so cold, a chill emanating from my very bones.

My hand trembled as I held the pen, but I still wrote each stroke carefully.

August 25, 20XX

Today is our wedding anniversary.

Derek cooked for me and decorated our home.

He was planning to take me to the island resort.

Before the celebration could begin, Sarah called.

Derek went to find Sarah.

He abandoned me.

I will never make it to the island now.

Goodbye, Derek.

Tears fell, blurring the ink on the paper.

Yet I felt no sadness at all—the falling tears were brought on by physical pain.

I lived on love.

The love of others and my own love. Because no one loved me, I survived solely on my love for Derek.

I once loved Derek so, so much.

After that sincere passion was completely consumed, only my empty shell remained.

Like a candle burned to its end.

Unable to last much longer.

My last bit of love for Derek completely dissipated today.

After writing the final word, I sat at the desk laughing heartily, laughing with abandon.

My role in this play ends today.

Why did I hide it from Derek? Why did I pretend not to see their affair? Why did I give Sarah a chance?

What I gave Sarah wasn't a vine climbing to a higher branch, but a sharp, cutting blade.

The living can never compete with the dead.

It doesn't matter if Derek doesn't love me.

But he will never forget me.

He owes me.

I want him to feel guilty, to feel remorse.

I want him to read this journal, to experience my feelings over and over, to spend his lifetime remembering how, while his mate was dying step by step after saving him, he gradually pushed her into an even more desperate abyss.

This absurd stage play reaches its climax with my death. Now it's Derek and Sarah's turn.

The hard sleeping pills stuck in my throat, causing discomfort. Only through the motion of swallowing did I manage to send them all down into my stomach.

Laid out on the table was not only my journal but also a carefully composed recipe book.

His stomach was sensitive, and his tastes particular.

Over these five years, I had gradually worked out recipes that were nourishing and suited his palate.

This was also my gift to him. A grand farewell gift.

I lay quietly on the bed, hands folded, waiting for death's arrival.

The room was silent.

Until a cat's cry came from outside the door.

Something heavy repeatedly threw itself against the door, creating dull thuds.

But I stared at the ceiling, ignoring it all.

Echo continued to cry.

Sleep began to take over my brain, consciousness gradually slipping away.
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  • Alpha Went Crazy After I Died   23

    The doctor doing rounds walked in: "What cancer? She clearly sacrificed herself by using a healer's secret ritual that depleted her life force to save you! Otherwise, how do you think your severe injuries could have healed without any after-effects? You..."Ryan suddenly stood up.Putting his arm around the doctor's shoulders, he walked out without looking back. The door slammed shut behind them.Only Derek remained in the room.Alone and distraught, he stared at the stark white wall.Eventually, he broke down in tears.After being discharged from the hospital, Derek requested to step down as Alpha. The pack council selected another capable wolf to succeed him.Every day, he accompanied Echo along the routes they had walked together.Day after day, year after year.He learned to cook following the recipes Willow had written for him.From clumsy to skilled, but compared to Willow's cooking, something always seemed missing.Later, he also began suffering from insomnia.When he couldn't s

  • Alpha Went Crazy After I Died   22

    Ryan finally knocked on his friend's door after three days.Sarah had sent Derek messages and called him without any response, so she reluctantly asked Ryan for help.Ryan stood at Derek's door, knocking for a full three hours.When Derek opened the door, he wore only a white shirt stained with various types of alcohol, startling Ryan.The overwhelming smell of liquor made Ryan want to vomit, but at least Derek only looked a bit disheveled and smelled strongly of alcohol while appearing emotionally stable.With his usual cold expression, he seemed capable of communication.His friend entered the house wordlessly. Ryan followed behind, and the moment he saw the interior, he nearly cursed out loud.Stable my ass.The living room was filled with empty alcohol bottles.They were arranged neatly on the floor, not a single one out of place.Everything in the house was in perfect order.Derek sat on the sofa, picked up a half-empty bottle from the coffee table, and tilted it to his mouth.He'

  • Alpha Went Crazy After I Died   21

    The pack members said Derek had changed.Not becoming colder, but actually becoming gentler.Derek used to be a man of few words, always wearing a frigid expression.Lately, though, he'd developed an inexplicable fondness for smiling. Even for small matters, he would offer kind words of praise.People at the office gossiped about it."If Derek weren't married, that smile would completely steal my soul.""What's happened to Derek? Has he been possessed? He's like a completely different person.""Is it possible," a girl said, smiling as she held her coffee, "that Derek has been transformed by his mate?"Derek's mate was a beautiful woman who always greeted them with a smile—gentle, yet capable.Sometimes when she visited, she would greet them warmly, never putting on airs."Come to think of it, Sister Willow hasn't been around for a long time."As Derek passed by the break room, this was the sentence he caught.Time seemed to suddenly pause in that moment.Derek stood in the doorway, una

  • Alpha Went Crazy After I Died   20

    Willow never complained about pain.But Lily could see the veins at her temple and the cold sweat.When Willow died, Lily didn't cry.When her ashes were scattered into the sea, Lily didn't cry.When she sent Echo away and heard that the cat wouldn't eat or drink at its new home, just curling into a tiny ball, Lily didn't cry.But accompanying someone, watching their life ravaged by illness, watching them wither away bit by bit, watching them in agony yet remaining gentle and peaceful, watching a living person turn into ashes held in your hands.How could she not feel devastated?In what should have been the prime of her life, everything became irreversible.Lily's tears fell in large drops.She cried uncontrollably, then lifted her hand to wipe away the tears.With reddened eyes, her voice turned cold:"So, Mr. Blackwood,""Where were you when she was sick and suffering?"Where was he?Derek wondered.He was with Sarah.Derek stayed on the island for half a month.He found Echo's curr

  • Alpha Went Crazy After I Died   19

    When Lily opened the door, a tall, thin figure was already standing outside the yard.It was Willow's mate.She wasn't sure when he had arrived, but a layer of frost had settled on him. When he saw her, he forced a stiff smile, like a wind-up doll."Miss Carter.""Would you please take me to the places she used to visit?"Lily didn't respond.She didn't like this man.Sister Willow had always been secretive about her marriage. Lily could only piece together bits about her relationship through indirect questions.Of course she was curious.One day, while cleaning Willow's room, she accidentally knocked a book off the table.A notebook fell down, lying open.She admitted to herself that her curiosity got the better of her, and while bending down to pick it up, she glanced at the contents.The diary she had knocked over.It was Willow's journal of unrequited love.Derek's name covered most of the pages.In her early twenties, with a vivid imagination, she combined what Sister Willow had t

  • Alpha Went Crazy After I Died   18

    "Just one more day," I whispered to myself, wondering if it would be my last.The painkillers lost their effectiveness. My body developed tolerance, requiring higher doses for diminishing relief."I'll speak to the doctor about adjusting your medication," Lily said when she found me curled into a ball, teeth clenched against the waves of agony."It won't help," I replied, knowing we were approaching the end of what medicine could do.The pain had become unbearable. I couldn't eat anything. Even water hurt going down, my throat raw from vomiting and medication."Just try a few sips," Lily would plead, holding a straw to my cracked lips.I kept a knife hidden in my room. I'd taken it from the kitchen one night when Lily was asleep, wrapping it in a washcloth and tucking it beneath my mattress.Sometimes I'd already placed it against my wrist, the cool metal a promise of relief. I'd press until a bead of blood appeared, bright red against my pale skin.But then I'd look at Echo sleeping i

  • Alpha Went Crazy After I Died   17

    I stopped going to the hospital for treatment. The doctors called several times, leaving voicemails filled with medical terms and concern."Ms. Dawson, we strongly advise you to reconsider. There are experimental treatments that could—"I deleted them all. Treatment would only prolong my suffering, stretching out the painful days even longer. What was the point? To gain a few more weeks of agony?"No more hospitals," I told Lily firmly when she suggested a checkup. "No more needles, no more pitying looks."She didn't argue. She just nodded and helped me take my pills.I survived on painkillers and sleeping pills. The orange prescription bottles lined my nightstand like tiny soldiers, my only defense against the constant pain. Some days, I took more than the recommended dose, just to make it through another hour.Growing thinner day by day. My clothes hung from my frame like they belonged to someone else. My wrist bones jutted out, sharp and alien."You should try to eat something," Lil

  • Alpha Went Crazy After I Died   16

    And maybe that was enough for now.I packed quickly, taking only what we needed. Clothes, medications, Echo's toys and food. I left my wedding ring on the nightstand, a glittering symbol of promises broken.I left for an island that night and checked into a recovery center. The night receptionist asked no questions about my sunken eyes or the cat carrier clutched in my arms.Life on the island was as beautiful as I had hoped. The recovery center sat on a cliff overlooking the ocean, its white buildings stark against the blue water.During the day, I played with Echo on the beach, her cream fur standing out against the golden sand as she chased seagulls. I chatted with the townspeople, who knew nothing of werewolves or pack dynamics or mate bonds.And in the evenings, I walked along the shore, watching the sunset paint the water in shades of orange and pink.I loved the sea.The endless waves and the salty sea breeze.Just looking at the ocean somehow calmed my heart, even as that heart

  • Alpha Went Crazy After I Died   15

    August 25, 2025.I was supposed to die on this day, but Echo wouldn't let me.The sleeping pills were already dissolving in my stomach, their numbing effect beginning to spread through my limbs. My eyelids grew heavy, the edges of my vision darkening. Soon, I thought, soon it would all be over.But Echo wouldn't have it.She kept meowing, kept crying, so loud. Her desperate cries pierced through the fog settling over my mind.Too noisy for me to sleep."Shhh," I whispered, my tongue already feeling thick. "It's okay, Echo."But she wouldn't stop. She clawed at the bedroom door frantically, her paws creating scratch marks on the polished wood. Her cries grew more frantic, more desperate.Making me irritated."Echo, please," I begged, my voice sounding distant even to my own ears. "Just let me go."Her howls only intensified, the sound reverberating through my skull. Each cry felt like a hook pulling me back from the edge of oblivion.Making me... unable to bear it anymore.With my last

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