02~ I Want to Leave

OLIVIA'S POV

The pain was undeniably excruciating. It was suffocating me, it was pulling me down to nothing, and it was killing me. My heart shredded into pieces as those words came out of his mouth. I had tried too hard to hold myself from crying, but I couldn't help but let the tears flow down my cheeks.

I had locked myself in my room, isolating myself from everyone else. I thought being alone for a while would heal me from the pain I was feeling. I thought shutting my door against them would make me feel better, but it only made things worse.

Just when I thought I had seen it all, he dared to kiss her in front of me. I felt devastated, betrayed and words can't explain how I felt at the moment. I thought he loved me, I thought he did care for me… 

“You can't have him, Olivia. It's impossible to win him back.” The voice echoed in my head.

I covered my ears with the pillows, trying to keep the voice away from me, but it kept ringing louder to my brain. “You are so weak, Olivia, and if you keep begging him for mercy, you are only making a fool.of yourself.”

I wanted to ignore the voice, I wanted every means to wave it off my head. But somehow, I felt it was right. I can't keep begging him to love me, I can't stoop too low for his sudden change of attitude, I'll only be making a fool out of myself if I do so.

It was every wolf's dream to find their destined mate. At least, that was what I grew up to believe. I waited for him, I dreamt of him, I longed to have him. For years. For four good years I waited to finally have a connection with him, only to be rejected like a worthless piece of shit.

I just have to accept my fate. There was nothing I could do about it. I already made up my mind not to worry about them, not to feel affected by what they do. Crying wasn't going to help either.

A knock came on the door but I decided to ignore it. I don't need anyone to console me, I just want to be alone. I just want to cry the pain out. Four years and everything we ever shared has crumbled in just a blink of an eye.

“Olivia, it's me Alice.” Alice said.

Alice has always been the closest thing to me after Raven. We did things together, and we weren't just friends, we were more like sisters. She was always there for me whenever I needed someone by my side.

But this time, I just wanted to be alone. “Alice, please go away.”

“Olivia you can't push me away. You need me more than ever. I understand whatever happened between you and Alpha Raven can't be changed, but at least…”

I opened the door for her, without wasting a second I fell into her arms. “Alice, it hurts. It hurts so badly.” I cried.

“I know. I know. But you have to calm down.” She broke the hug, staring at my wet stained eyes. “Let's discuss this inside.” We entered my room, while she gently slammed the door behind her.

“What have I done to deserve this, Alice?” I turned to look at her. It was as if the pain never left. It was just all there, haunting me, eating me up. “What have I not done for him? Why would he prefer her over to me? Haven't I been there for him all these years? Is it because I am ugly or what?”

“Hey, don't you ever say that, Olivia. You aren't ugly, and you have done just enough for him. Sophia is the one to be blamed, she walked into your relationship to ruin it. She has a purpose, but you shouldn't let her get away with it.”

“I've tried everything possible, but Raven has chosen her over me. And you wouldn't believe he had to reject me because of her.”

Alice was shocked. “He what?”

“He rejected me, Alice. He said it to my face that he can't have me because I am weak and that Sophia is the perfect choice for a Luna.” The tears I had longed been holding back streamed down my face. 

“I'm so sorry, Olivia, I never knew it would get to this level.” She said pitifully. 

“It's not your fault. Even I myself don't know what to do anymore. I feel… I feel so empty right now. I feel like I've lost everything, I feel no hope in me. Alice, you know how much I loved Raven, you know how much I still do.” I sniffled, “But he chose her over to me. Why? Why, Alice? What have I done to deserve this?”

“You didn't do anything, Olivia. You have done nothing wrong.” she said, pulling me in for a hug.

While I was still crying, an idea popped into my head. I hated what I was thinking, but somehow it was the only way I could get over my feelings. Staying here any longer would bring nothing but pain, which was something I wasn't ready to face.

“I'll leave.” The words left my lips as I stared out of the window.

“Olivia, tell me you are joking.”

“I'm not joking, Alice.” I looked at her. “The longer I stay here, the more I get hurt. I can't bear the pain of watching them grow together, after all, he rejected me. I must leave.”

Alice held my hands in hers, squeezing it gently. “I understand how you feel, I really do. And I wish you find happiness out there.”

I was grateful for Alice for being by myself throughout the day. And with her help, I was able to accomplish my desire. I waited for night to come, since that was the only time I could leave without anyone knowing my whereabouts.

Without looking back, I started running.