Chapter Six- Sticks and Stones

Jackson's POV

She was silent from the second we left the courthouse. What I wouldn't give to know the thoughts in her mind. 

Did she resent me for forcing her into a similar situation her father threatened against her the entirety of her life? Did she find it secretly thrilling at the idea of being together as I did? Did she hate me? Did she want me? Dammit, I didn't think this through when it came to how obsessive I would become to the “what-ifs”. Everything else, though, was thought through to plan a to z. 

“I'll make sure you have a phone and computer tomorrow, but for right now, we both have to stay under the radar.”

“Alone?” She was quick to ask, a twinge of fear in her question contorted my heart. 

“Your father is going to have everyone and their right-hand men looking for you. It will only be a matter of time until he learns what we did-”

“What you did.” She interrupted as I sighed. The reality of it was catching up with her and I was the bastard who still forced her into a marriage, even if my intentions were noble, my selfishness to have her to myself was not. 

Realizing any explanations would be met with spite and venom, I forfeited any further attempts and fixated on the gate ahead. Once the car was situated, her hand came to the door and was met with the lock from my side. 

“Why do you think I did this?” I didn't look at her, knowing if I did I'd be met with her glare. 

“I don't know…Because you aren't the same I remember.” I hesitated before my head slowly began to bob into a nod. 

“You're right…That thirteen year old boy who was tragically in love with you died.” Her lips parted and were interrupted by my continuation. “He spent the last moments of his adolescence hearing about how every stab made into his chest was going to prove Dean's worth to your dad.” I glared at her, tightened jaw. “Think whatever you will about my motives and my methods, hell, even hate me for them. But never question that every aspect of this has been to keep you safe.” I took the keys from the console and slid them across the dash. 

“Make yourself at home because whether or not you hate me or understand, this is where you will be until you can have the life you have always deserved.” I couldn't face her with the truth now in the light. 

I confessed my heart to her, even if it seemed those feelings had simmered, they were more present today then when I woke up in the hospital with her as my first thought. I explained why Dean and his brothers were targeting me. But I couldn't look at the pity or misunderstanding across her face when I wanted her to see me as a safe space. Right now, however, I didn't trust myself to look at her let alone be alone with her. 

I began to walk the five acre grounds that were surrounded by random trees and a brick pathway lined by wildflowers from beginning to end. A bench sat about halfway and it was there that I took time to reflect. 

This was a mistake. And now the love of my life hated me for it. Just as I promised myself the day I was discharged from the hospital that no harm would come to her, I made a new vow to her in the seclusion of my mind and the new distance between us. 

I vowed to keep my feelings isolated as I perfected in my adolescence. She would be my wife on paper and in public only. The eight stab wounds, knicked heart, and concussion may not have killed me fifteen years ago but the idea of holding her too tightly that she resented me the same way she did her father very well might. So I'd keep her at arm's length because she was right about one thing. 

I was not the boy she remembered.