Chapter 4: Mixed Signals

Jordy sat on the couch, staring at his phone, the container of strawberries abandoned on the coffee table. He had just sent the message to Matt, making it clear that last night had been a one-time thing, and he couldn’t stop thinking about it. His mind was still buzzing with last night’s memory, the club, the music, the way Matt had looked at him. It shouldn’t feel like this. It wasn’t supposed to happen again.

A notification pinged. Jordy froze, his heart skipping a beat. He opened his phone and saw a new message from Matt.

Matt: I understand. I don’t want to make things awkward. I just… I’d like to see you again, if that’s okay.

Jordy stared at the screen, blinking several times. He had expected some kind of angry or pushy response. Not this. Not polite and calm, not respectful of boundaries. It should have made things easier, but instead, it made his chest tighten.

He put the phone down and ran a hand through his hair, leaning back against the couch. Why am I thinking about this again?

He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to picture last night clearly without adding extra feelings. But it was impossible. Matt’s smile, the way he had leaned close, the way his hand brushed Jordy’s… it all came rushing back.

Then he remembered something else—Ella.

The night at the club, she had introduced herself to him. Matt’s girlfriend. Jordy had frozen in that moment, a knot forming in his stomach, but he had pushed it aside. Why would he even have a girlfriend if he was into guys? he thought. That should have been a red flag, something that kept him from getting involved.

Jordy shook his head. “This is wrong,” he muttered. “It’s risky.”

But part of him also couldn’t deny the way he felt, the pull he had towards Matt. It wasn’t just physical—it was something else, something he didn’t fully understand yet. And yet, the thought of being involved with someone who already had a girlfriend made him feel guilty and anxious.

He picked up the phone again, staring at Matt’s message. Would it really be okay to meet him? Jordy thought. He has a girlfriend. Maybe it’s complicated. Maybe I shouldn’t even consider it.

He put the phone down again, letting out a long sigh. His fingers drummed on the couch. The truth was, he didn’t know how to feel. He wanted to see Matt again, wanted to talk, but he also didn’t want to make a mistake. Last night had been fun, yes, but it hadn’t been planned. He wasn’t someone who kissed a guy he barely knew. That had never been him.

And yet, there it was. The pull he couldn’t ignore.

After a few minutes, he picked the phone back up and typed a short reply.

Jordy: I don’t know if meeting again is a good idea. You have a girlfriend. It feels… risky.

He stared at the message for a moment, then hit send.

Seconds later, another notification appeared.

Matt: I understand. I didn’t want to push. I just… I like you. I wanted to see if there’s more than just last night.

Jordy swallowed. His chest felt tight, and he leaned back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. That one sentence made him feel both nervous and excited. He didn’t know what to do. Was it possible to like someone and still be cautious? Could he keep his distance and not get hurt?

His thoughts went back to Ella again. She had been polite when introducing herself, smiling warmly, and saying she hoped they would all have fun. Jordy hadn’t really processed it at the time. But now, thinking about it, it didn’t sit right with him. Why is he with her if he likes guys? Why would he introduce her like that?

Jordy got up and paced around the small living room. He chewed on his bottom lip, thinking through every scenario. Meeting Matt again could go either way—it could be fun, easy, dangerous, or messy. He couldn’t know.

He sat back down and opened the phone again. Another message from Matt.

Matt: I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I just… I like you, Jordy. That’s it. If you want, we can just talk. Even that would be fine.

Jordy’s mind raced. Talking didn’t sound dangerous, did it? Talking was harmless. Just conversation. Maybe if he met Matt to just talk, he could keep his feelings in check and avoid making the same mistake as last night.

He typed back quickly.

Jordy: Okay. Talking is fine. But nothing else.

Matt: Perfect. That’s all I want anyway. I’ll make it easy.

Jordy put the phone down and leaned back. His chest was still tight, but he felt a little relief. At least Matt wasn’t pressuring him. At least Matt understood boundaries.

But still, the thought of seeing him again made his stomach twist. What if he couldn’t control himself? What if it got messy again?

Jordy ran a hand through his hair. I have to be careful. I can’t mess this up. I won’t.

He picked up one of the strawberries from the container on the coffee table and took a bite, trying to calm his nerves. Sweet and juicy, it helped a little, but his mind was still racing.

After a few minutes, Jordy decided he needed a plan. He had to figure out where he would meet Matt, when, and how to keep things strictly casual. He didn’t want any misunderstandings, and he definitely didn’t want anyone else to get involved—especially not Ella.

What if she finds out? Jordy thought. That was another worry. She had been friendly, smiling, polite, but what if she realized something was happening between him and Matt? The thought made his stomach twist again.

He pushed it aside and focused on the messages again. Matt seemed sincere. He wasn’t joking or being flippant. He genuinely wanted to know Jordy better.

Jordy sighed and typed a quick response.

Jordy: We can talk. Just somewhere public. I don’t want anything to get complicated.

Matt: Absolutely. Public is good. I’ll figure something out.

Jordy set the phone down again. He couldn’t tell if he was excited or nervous. Maybe both.

For the rest of the evening, he tried to focus on something else. He put on some music and tried to distract himself, but every few minutes, his mind wandered back to Matt. What would he look like? How would he act? Would it feel the same as last night?

The thought made him both anxious and strangely thrilled.

By the time Jordy’s mom came home later that night, he was still thinking about the messages. She came in, smiling and humming again, holding her bag from her date.

“You’re back late,” she said. “Did you eat?”

Jordy nodded. “Yeah. Some fruit.”

She smiled and set her bag down. “Good. How was work?”

“Busy,” he said, not looking up. “Really busy.”

She didn’t press further. Jordy was glad. He wasn’t ready to talk about anything else tonight. Not about work, not about Matt, not about the club.

He went to his room after a quick dinner and sat on his bed. His phone buzzed once more, and he picked it up cautiously.

Matt: Thanks for talking with me. I’ll make sure it’s easy and comfortable. I just… really want to see you again.

Jordy sighed. He typed one final message for the night.

Jordy: Okay. But don’t get any ideas. Just talking.

He set the phone down and stared at it for a long moment, his chest tight, his thoughts tangled. He didn’t know what the future held, but one thing was clear: Matt had a hold on him, whether he wanted to admit it or not.