Chapter 9. Believe Again

Pepper POV

Moving on was easier said than done. 

After the divorce became final, I went out of the country to join my parents. 

As expected, they were happy to see me. 

When I was with them, everything felt fine, but the evenings were another matter. 

In the silence of the night, I poured out my pain.

I cried in bed, letting my tears wet my pillow, but come morning,  I would face my parents with a smiling face, pretending everything was alright. 

The routine went on for a week until Mom confronted me one day. 

When I thought that I had succeeded with my pretense, my mom knew the truth. 

"Where is Dad?" 

I asked, taking a seat on the four-seater dining table. 

My parents did not wallow in opulence like before, but they weren't poor either. 

The furnishings in our home border on practicality and serviceability but are still tasteful. 

"He's out playing tennis with his friends."

I smiled at that, knowing my parents are enjoying the quiet and peaceful life in their new home. 

"You should do that, too," I commented while forking a piece of pie on the table and playing with it on my plate. 

"Pepper, you need to go out, too." My mother said,

"I am fine, Mom." 

Mom turned around to stare deep into my eyes. 

It was disconcerting. I felt like a child again under her piercing gaze every time she found out I was lying.

Mother shook her head.

"Right now, you are not, but in time you are going to be." She offered, eyes welling with wisdom and unshed tears. 

I know how much it pained her to see me like this. It pains me, too. 

I sighed, and for the first time since coming here, I let my guard down to allow my mother to see through my uncertainty.

"What if I don't?" 

Tears glistened in my eyes when I allowed the pain I was feeling to spread all over my face.

My mother abandoned her cooking. She turned the stove off and pulled the chair next to me to sit on. 

She held my hand. 

There was so much warmth in her hold that my lids swooped down to cover my eyes. 

"You are my daughter. You were young when we hit rock bottom, but we pulled through as a family. You will overcome this pain in time.”

Mother assured me.

But I highly doubt it. 

I don't think I will be able to recover from this pain. 

It also did not help that I would often flip through New York's business news to check on Victor and his company.

As expected, the company is thriving. There was not much news about his personal life until something caught my attention. 

It was a blind item. 

“Will there be wedding bells soon for the CEO of an airline and maritime consortium and the mother of his love child? They were seen all over New York, looking like one happy family. Now that the man was divorced, there would be nothing to hold him back from the marriage to push through.” 

I bit my lips, and my heart began to pound in my chest. 

Then, I began to cry so hard, and started throwing things.

Mom hurriedly went to my room and saw the mess I had made. 

“Pepper!” 

“I knew it would happen, but why does it hurt so much?” I asked Mom as tears streamed down my face. 

Mom gathered me to her chest, comforting me like a child.

“My dear, we cannot force things, especially love. Love should be reciprocal for it to create positive changes in your life. If not, then it was not love.”

“Are you saying I don’t love him? But why does it hurt so much?” I cried. 

Mom shook her head. 

“No, but a one-sided love will always end in heartbreak.” 

After two weeks, I decided I needed to leave. 

“I have to do something with myself.” 

My dad protested. 

“You have so much money in your bank account. You can rest. In fact, you never have to work through your life with the money from all your investments.” 

I shook my head. 

“I need to keep moving to make this pain go away. Besides, you never brought me up to be a lazy person.” 

He chuckled. 

When our eyes met, I saw understanding in them.  A wealth of wisdom wrought by years from a man who dreamt big and had his dreams shattered into pieces. 

I thought of Victor. He has always been my dream, but now that dream is shattered. He does not love me, and he would never love me. 

“You are still thinking about Victor.” My father said sagely. 

“He is happy with his new family. I should be happy for him.” Such magnanimous words, but they cost me my heart to say that. 

How can someone smile through her pain?

I realized six years later that you only have to see the pain in others to know that you are blessed. 

“You are more than enough,” I said in my speech as I began to talk to countless women who suffered trauma in their past relationships. 

“You may not be battered and blue physically, but the mental and emotional torture is worse,” I added. 

When I finished, the organizer came forward to greet me.

“You did it so well. How can you talk to people with so much confidence, Pepper?” She asked, handing me a bottle of water so I could relieve my parched throat. 

“You need to reach rock bottom to be able to do that.” 

She nodded as if she knew what I went through. 

“Congratulations!”  Samuel Burke greeted me when I got off the stage. He was smiling, eyes crinkling at the corners. 

As usual, he looked dapper in his suit and titanium-framed eyeglasses. 

When we reached his car, he opened the front passenger seat to reveal an elaborate flower arrangement of iris, sunflower, and tulips.

My eyes widened in delight. “My favorite flowers!” I cried, and stole a quick side glance in his direction. 

He seemed to stand tall, proud at the sound of appreciation and happiness I emitted.

When we got inside the car, the flower arrangement sat on my lap. I kept looking at it before stealing glances at his profile. 

The flowers symbolize hope, just like the man I was with. He made me believe again in myself and life.