Chapter Fourty Seven

Jake 

I sit in the car for longer than I should, my fingers locked around the steering wheel like it’s the only thing anchoring me to this earth. The drive back feels mechanical, like my body’s on autopilot, but my head is everywhere else. Kyla’s face when I told her I needed to leave God, it’s still there, burned into me. Those eyes, full of questions, but she didn’t beg. That almost hurt more. She just accepted it, swallowed the ache, probably because she’s used to people walking away.

Her kids. Chanel and Elias. The way they laughed at breakfast, the way Elias’s entire face lights up when he looks at her when he looks at me. I still can’t shake the resemblance. It’s like staring at a photograph of myself at seven. That tiny dimple in his left cheek when he smiles. The stubborn set of his jaw. My blood hums every time I think about it, like my body knows what my mind is trying not to admit.

By the time I pull into the driveway of the house I share with Amina, I feel raw. Like my insides have been torn open, and I’m trying to keep them from spilling out in front of everyone. The moment I step inside, the sound of my phone vibrating in my pocket cuts through my haze. Amina. Of course.

I answer on the second ring. “Hello?”

“Where the hell were you last night?” Her voice is sharp, biting. No greeting, no pause. Just fury.

I close my eyes. “Amina”

“No, don’t ‘Amina’ me. You didn’t come home. You didn’t answer my calls. Do you realize how humiliating that is? What am I supposed to tell people? That my husband disappears into thin air?”

Ofcourse that's all she cared about, the people, the public perception. 

“I had” I stop myself. The words don’t come easy. What do I even say? That I was with Kyla? That I spent the night watching her kids chatter at the breakfast table? That I saw ghosts of myself staring back at me through Elias’s eyes?

“You had what, Jake? Some crisis? Again? Do you ever think about me? About this family?” Her words land like strikes, one after another. “Because while you were out doing God knows what, your son, your only son, Jake was crying for you all night.”

That lands in my chest like a sledge hammer. I have done bed time with Ethan for as long as I can remember and when I am away we always video call before he goes to sleep. Last night I was too preoccupied and confused that I forgot to call my own son. 

So much for being a good dad. 

“He had a nightmare,” she continues, her voice breaking now, anger tangled with hurt. “And he kept calling for you, asking for his daddy. Over and over. I couldn’t calm him down, Jake. He just wanted you. But you weren’t here. You were nowhere to be found.”

I press my hand against my forehead, the pressure threatening to split my skull. Ethan. My boy. His little voice echoes in my mind, calling for me, not finding me. Guilt grips me so hard I can barely breathe.

“I’m coming home tonight,” I say, my voice low, hoarse.

There’s silence on the other end, then a scoff. “You better. Because this family can’t survive you running off every time you feel like it.”

I don’t answer right away. My chest is too heavy, my throat too dry. The silence stretches, and then the words slip out before I can stop them. “Kyla has two kids Amina twins, a boy and a girl about ethan's age.”

It’s quiet for a beat, then Amina laughs. A sharp, humorless sound. “What?”

“You heard me. She has two children. Chanel and Elias.”

“I” she starts, but her voice falters. Then she snaps, venom dripping through the line. “And why are you telling me this, Jake? Why do I care if your little runaway ex decided to pop out a couple of kids? What, do you want me to congratulate her? Send her a gift basket?”

I bite down on my tongue, because what I want to say is too dangerous.

“They are staying at the country house,” I say instead, firm, deliberate.

The silence this time is deafening, heavier than anything that came before it. Then Amina explodes. “Are you out of your mind? You’re letting her stay there? With her children? Our house, Jake? Do you think I’m going to sit here while you play family with her under my nose and disrespect me?”

“They need somewhere safe while she recovers. She can’t walk yet, she needs someone to take care of her and since I was married to her.”

“Oh, how noble of you,” she spits cutting kr off. “So now you are her knight in shining armor, is that it? Don’t forget where your real family is, Jake. Don’t forget who has been here, raising your son while you run off chasing ghosts.”

Her words cut deep, but I force myself to stay steady. “This isn’t about you, Amina. Or me. It’s about Kyla needing help. And I won’t throw her to the wolves when she is barely standing.”

There’s a long pause, then Amina’s voice drops low, cold. “You will regret this.”

She hangs up before I can answer.