INSOMNIA DIDN'T VISIT

A replica of me.

Hourglass shaped in her mid forties, still looking beautiful in her fair skin and nice smile.

My mom.... or Theresa to us a few times. She dressed in a brown laced gown and black heels, it looked flashy and rich, stinking of wealth.

How shameless of her to smile, hoping for me to smile back which I do not, she takes it as a clue to start stating why she was here.

"Good evening Amber, how are you?" She asks while forcing a smile.

I smirk "I'm certain that's not why your here"

"At least can we sit?

I snapped "No_

"Okay fine, I want you girls to come back to my mansion with me, Tessa and you Amber, I'll take good care of you" she said.

She continued "All your father does is drink and waste himself, he can't even take care of himself talk more of you girls"

I don't know what she kept saying after that, but I just watched her red lipstick move on her heart shaped lips, till she tapped my shoulder.

"Why did you zone out, we're having a conversation”

"A conversation is not one where you're talking trash about Dad, yes he drinks, ever wondered why?

She gave me a questionable look.

" Because of YOU, your endless nagging and how you finally left him for someone richer, hope you're happy, now if you'll excuse me, I have things to do" I said in one breath while fighting the urge to cry.

Maybe cry for her to come back for Dad or maybe for us.

But I knew deep down how impossible that is, almost like asking a chicken to lay stone.

It wasn't worth it.

So I walked away as fast as possible.

I went over to the bar. Dad was always drinking and I didn't see him, none of his friends had seen him either that day. This was really strange. Because I got used to the routine of always picking up there.

I didn't feel excited or sad, just hopeful that everything was alright.

I rushed home fast, Tessa was not anywhere in sight which isn't weird, she's always at our neighbors place. So I rushed in to check up on Dad, I knocked quite a number of times but no response but I could hear sobs from inside.

"Dad is everything okay, I'm coming in now" I waited for 10 seconds then slowly opened the door and walked in.

Dad was sitting on the floor holding a box very tight to his chest while sobbing.

"Dad is everything alright" I asked as I rushed to sir by his side on the wooden floor.

"Yes my darling Amber, your more than all the riches in this world my dear"

Those words really melted my heart, my father has not only been someone to cheer me on but my biggest fan too.

"Thank you daddy but what's with your mood?" I asked.

"I feel embarrassed that you have to see me cry or even see me this way

I cut him off "Dad we're family, we stand by each other in all weather not just some”

"But I'm supposed to be strong? Be there for you girls”

"Yes but remember your also human, not knowing how to process your feelings isn't a thing of shame"

"Look at how wise you've grown, today your mother stopped by”.

My heart trumped, I didn't want to bring it up so that it wouldn't break his heart. These days I watch him, he looks forward to her visiting days more than Tessa and I do.

Love really is messy.

Even more messy when it's one sided.

"Probably you saw her on your way while coming back, I'm certain, I see it in your eyes" he said while moving a few of my hair strands to the back while my head was bowed.

A tear fell. With my Dad I could be vulnerable, he was my safe space.

"Yeah I saw her, she's more beautiful I hate to admit but there's nothing to miss, all she did was nag”

"Amber don't say that.., she's just a girl too also bound to make mistakes.

"What are you saying Dad, make mistakes? Breaking our hearts is no mistake”

"Being a mother doesn't make her less human and more super heroic” he responded.

"Dad she left us, me in particular I went to her house countless times to beg her to come back, I was either shouted at by the gateman or bruised by the weather, did she come back?

"Amber darling if you want to blame anybody, blame me for not giving her the basics she need, blame me for not catering for you and your sister”

"Stop Dad, you really need to stop”

"I'll do anything to make you stop hurting like this Amber" he said cupping my face with his palms.

I hate anytime he has to support mom and make us want to forgive her but if tables were turned, Theresa will speak nothing short of evil about Dad, how pathetic!

"I'm also sure she said something that spiked up your mood like this”

My father knows me too well, I must admit.

"Something about following her to her new house" I replied.

"You know I showed her this box, containing all the love letters we wrote to each other during highschool to at least make her remember but she wasn't move by it” his voice held nothing but loss and pain.

"Is that why you were sobbing Dad?”

"No! I was just hurt that my unlucky self cost me my family”

I hugged him and he held me close.

"I lost three jobs in the space of two years after we got married”

"Dad please I'm tired of hearing that tale that's not enough reason to abandon someone you claim to have loved”

"Oh not this silly girl trying to be an adult” he said while shuffling my hair.

We both chuckled

He smiled "I got an interview to attend tomorrow, hopefully I get the job so you can stop working and your sister will start school”

"Dad don't pressure yourself, I love you nonetheless” I said while squeezing his hands.

"What about me too" Tessa said, we both turned to the door and then to ourselves and began to laugh. This girl is hilarious.

"Come here love, I love you too" dad beckoned on her.

We had a group hug.

After dinner with lots of banter, for the first time in years I slept like a toddler but I felt lighter.

Insomnia didn't visit me.