Chapter 5 A visit to Mary Dames

JC  excused himself from his officemates to prepare for his assignment. He had to pack for a week away from home. Then he bid goodbye to friends, waving to all those who were farther away from his desk. He winked at Kate.

On his way out of the office, he was pondering about this trip. Now was his opportunity to see his father's homeland for the first time. A place which he had only heard about, from him. What would he expect to see? He knew there are mangoes. The sweetest mangoes, grown nowhere else. He didn´t know how lanzones and manzanitas tasted. Now was his chance to taste them. He was also wondering how the local girls would react to a handsome foreigner like him. All of these were tiny figments of his imagination.

His parents were immigrants in the States. His father had only been back to his country twice for more than thirty years - never with the children.  A practicing surgeon he couldn't find time to go back and visit his country due to the load of work at the hospital. The other reason was that his mother, who was from Madrid, Spain preferred to see other places than to see his father's native land, ostensibly for no reason at all, but JC knew it was distance and the unbearable waiting at the stopover. The long trip from New York was grueling for her.

With more than enough amount of time, he hopped onto his 4x4 to do one more thing before he'd be off on this long journey. He drove along Broadway Street toward the north of his apartment. Visiting Mary Dames was on his agenda. He owed it to her. After driving some blocks and passing a park he slowed down at the corner and then turned to 153rd Street. In minutes he parked on the road vacated by a deluxe Impala Chevy, in between two parked cars. He got off, locked the car then strode toward the gate. The engraving at the entrance said Trinity Catholic Cemetery.

He felt nostalgic on seeing the chapel that stood right at the entrance. A year before he was here. This was where he last saw Mary Dames, with eyes closed on a face reflecting a certain scintilla of peace. The place reminded him of the tears he shed and the heartaches he shared with her family.

Exactly at the threshold of the Chapel, vendors of candles and other religious paraphernalia were seated along the way. With some extra coins, he bought a bunch of flowers from one of them. Then he took the short stairs, paused a second then pushed the massive door a little to see if he could go in. On the other side of the door, his eyes landed on a dimly lit nave. There were two women in the front pew evidently praying for some graces. The smell of Frangipani flowers and burning candles floated in the air. Once inside he took the last pew, sat there for a few minutes, then contemplated. 

At the right side of the nave, there were three doors that led outside to the cemetery. He slipped out through one of them. As soon as he was out of the chapel his eyes landed on the gravestones arranged neatly in rows on the grassy knoll. Now, he was here again. He noted that there had been no changes – only it got one year older. His leather soles creaked on the cobbled stones as he moved forward. Memories, poignant as yesteryears came rushing in. Notched on the stone was Mary Dames' name. He paused in front then lowered himself to place the bunch of red roses beside it. Now he was near. After clearing his throat, he croaked.

Mary dear . . . I wish you can hear me. How are you my, dear? Time has flown by and I missed you more than ever. I'm here to see you before I go. I´m sorry for not having been here regularly as I promised. I know it´s a promise, but my job is so demanding now that I travel a lot.

I'll be out for a few weeks perhaps . . . on an assignment. I thought it was easy to forget. It wasn't. It still isn't easy. All the things we did together are of course unforgettable. Remember you said it would all be for our future? I carry that thought wherever I go. I would have been the happiest person on earth . . . Your departure was a total deception. It was unfair of you to suddenly leave. You should have seen how I suffered for months. Until now the pain still lingers. Yes, I know there's an end to everything, even to sorrow and pain. How I wish it were in a different direction. I would have preferred the other way for it may have been easier to bear.

I wish you have the means to know how destiny paved the way to where I am now. I'm thankful for all the blessings. It would have been great if you were still around with me to share it with. There are bumpy roads but the rides would have been easier with you around. In your absence, everything seems meaningless. I've loved you and I still do.

I tried to get through to you. But I went to an Ashram in Nepal hoping to get some results, but I think I am not meant to be successful in the mystical way of communicating with the other world. I would love to see you again Mary, even for a brief moment. I promise I won´t run on seeing you in a different spiritual sphere. I promise.

Mary, I'm here to ask your permission. After several deliberations and tossing, I think the time has come for me to ease the pain and move forward. And that moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting you and all the fun memories we had together. I want to go back to normal life and perhaps meet someone else to share my life with. I guess it would not be undeserving on my part to do that with your permission. I hope you will understand and if someday we will meet again someplace, you would see the reason for all my supplications. 

There´s a woman I´d like to tell you about. She works at the office. She always shows that she likes me. Her name is Kate. But I don´t know my feelings about her yet. Please, don´t be jealous. For me, you are the only one so far. I love you and I would love you forever.

I'm saying goodbye, my dear. But this won't be the last. I will still visit you until this longing in my heart runs out. No, there's nobody who could replace you in my heart. Nobody could and nobody will. I'm saying goodbye because I want to have a life of my own, a life with no shackles, no loads to carry, or guilt to bear. A life that I could build without the lingering thought of you behind me. If you will allow me to let everything run in its normal course, please whisper it to me …whisper it to me in any way or manner.

His voice trailed off. A cool breeze brushed his hair, telling him it was time to go. He pulled himself up then said goodbye, taking the same way as he had entered, out into the street and back to the car. He backed off then headed toward his apartment. 

He dropped by the convenience store not too far from his apartment building. He bought some things then talked to the store owner for a while.  "Here´s what I owe you yesterday. Five dollars. Would that be enough?"

"This is more than enough, JC. Thank you."

"I don´t forget what I owe, Tom. Besides, I will be out of town for some time. I don´t want you to think that I have forgotten." 

"I know you, JC. Where are you heading this time?"

"Well, to Asia."

"Hmm...what for?"

"I will be covering an important person for my office." He said goodbye, then drove home.

He parked his car. In the hallway, he met his concierge on the way and had a short talk. "I will be out for a while, Fidel. Perhaps one or two weeks. And it would be wise for me to leave the keys to you before I go. And can you find a cleaning lady pLease?"

"That won´t be a problem, Mr. Martin. And does anybody have permission to enter your flat, aside from your parents? Anyone else that you would like to share it with, for the whole period while you´re away?"

"Just take care of it, Fidel. Will you? And will you keep all the letters for me? I´ll pick them up on my way back. They are only the insurance to the car and the bills."

Then, he went up to his apartment, through the elevator.