Chapter 4

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House is cleaned, and the dishes are washed. Perfect. Knowing mom won't be back anytime soon I lock the door and head upstairs.

It gets lonely most of the time when mom is working late. She does the most to take care of others and yet doesn't pay attention to her own needs and honestly, I'm worried for her. Pulling a note from the drawer, I stare at it for a while, contemplating whether or not I should call her Chief Nursing Officer. I have the power to call him but as always, I'm indecisive.

Heaving a sigh, I pace around the room as the nerves fire off in my body. With these white walls surrounding me, I feel like I'm drowning in a state of panic I might lose the serenity of my mind. Maybe I should call him and end this once and for all, but what will happen to mom? I can't, I can't put her through this, no I need to find another solution.

When the waves making vigorous troubled motions in my mind finally still, I pick my laptop up from my nightstand and play some songs from my all-time favorite band from the 80s.

Tessa says I'm an old soul but I don't think so, what's there not to love about that era? Even though I wasn't present at that time, I loved to hear stories about what used to happen.

When mom wasn't this busy and broken, we would sit on my bed, and she'd tuck me in and tell me about her wild high school and college experience. She'd tell me about how she started playing with her mom's makeup at an early age, how she was so free-spirited, and the typical girl next door kind of girl.

Being the students' spokesperson, she stood up for what she believed in, and lucky for her, she had people who stood by her side.

Not a day went by without her talking about how fashionable she was. The stonewashed oversized jeans and nice fitted sweaters or the flared short skirts or dresses were her style. The big puffy hair that bounced to the sound of her footsteps, her makeup that she learned at an early age, and the jewels she always had on made people turn their heads every time she walked past them. I miss seeing the light on her face, the glow on her skin. I miss my mom.

The light on my phone flashes for a split second and right away, I pick it up.

9:30 pm "Have you to talked to him yet? Xo "

Seeing Tessa's message draws me back to reality. After hearing what she and Carter had to say earlier today, I knew I had to change my ways. Everybody has a story and I can't judge them without knowing who they really are.

Breathing out, I pluck up the courage to text Micheal in hopes of clearing up our misunderstandings and hopefully starting anew. In a bat of an eye, he texts me back, letting me know that he's okay with us meeting up tomorrow.

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                                                                        **********

After going back and forth with mom about her workaholism, I head upstairs to get ready for my date, no, a hangout with Micheal. It's a hangout, not a date.

Upon pulling up in front of the local restaurant, I'm struck weak in my joints and my hands start to get sweaty. Upon squirming in the backseat of a taxi, I fan myself till I regain my composure.

'Just be cool and straightforward just be cool and straightforward.'

I chant repeatedly as I make my way in. I'm not surprised by how crowded the place is on a Saturday, being everyone's favorite place in a small town like this, anything is possible.

I scavenge around for him and spot him in the corner after a couple of seconds. I'm standing from afar as I chew off the skin from my lips to try and calm my nerves while still contemplating this hangout. Maybe I should leave, after all, he hasn't noticed my presence. When I start to falter, I come to a halt upon seeing him waving at me, and reluctantly, I wave back and walk up to him.

When he stands up, he leans in for a hug while I stretch out my hand for a handshake. A couple of seconds go by just going back and forth over this till we both agree on a handshake.

Clearing his throat, he nervously pulls my chair out for me to sit in and I respond to the gesture with a polite smile. We drift into silence but my head is noise polluted with thoughts about what happened not long ago. It feels like dozens of insects buzzing in my ears and I can't get rid of them -- repeatedly reminding me of a predicament I was in.

Will I ever do anything right with him? Why do I always have to be awkward around him? Who knows what he's thinking of me? For once Becca be normal around him.

A husky voice interrupts my thoughts and I dart my eyes to him right away.

"You okay?" He scrunches his thick dark eyebrows as his orbs dance all over my face.

Upon clearing my throat, I respond, "Yeah, why?"

"You've been mumbling something for the past few seconds now," He says apprehensively.

I'm certain my cheeks have turned crimson from the embarrassment I've brought upon myself -- I can't stop my legs from fidgeting underneath the table, and making eye contact with him is my biggest struggle at the moment.

My hands are intertwined and I hardly notice how visibly they're shaking till he places his hand on mine.

His brown eyes search for mine, trying to make me fix my gaze on him, but it's hard, it's hard to when I'm looking like this. It's hard to look at him when all I do is be awkward around him and accuse him of all the things he's not. He'been nothing but nice to me, and patient with me, and yet I don't see the good in him, I don't see that his intentions are nothing but pure.

It takes a while for me to calm down but I do, and when I finally regain my composure, I instantly pull out my hands from his, and he neither complains nor questions my action, instead, he smiles and calls for the waitress.

Looking at her, I can't help but bite back my laugh. Her bright red lipstick and heavy lashes that flap like a butterfly every time she blinks nearly have me bursting into laughter. Her foundation is contradicting her skin tone and the heavy red blush isn't doing justice to her face at all.

Micheal notices me fighting my smile back but he doesn't say a word, instead, he proceeds to order knowing so well that I'm in no stable condition to do so. He knows that if I open my mouth to speak, it'll only be fits of cackles that will be bursting out of my chest.

"I don't want a burger!" I blurt out and that catches both of them by surprise.

When Michael and the waitress turn to look at me, perplexion mirrors their faces while they stay speechless and motionless.

When I manage to suppress my laughter, I will myself to speak while avoiding making eye contact with her -- it's the only way I'll survive.

"I had an extra large burger yesterday and my stomach's still bloated," I say freely. I'm rubbing my hands on my stomach, my back's resting on the chair and I don't notice them looking at me -- until now.

Sitting up straight, I place my hands flat on the table, and duck my eyes down. Not knowing what to do, I order a soda and roll my lips into my mouth. How much more awkward do you have to be till he finally gives you up?

The waitress walks away seconds later and leaves Michael and I to talk. Raking his fingers through his light wavy brown hair, he leans forward and rests his hands on the table.

The rest of the date -- no a hangout goes well without me being awkward all the time..wait..you think that's possible? I wish.

At least I've managed to stay composed and even though there've been some sloppy, awkward moments, I love how everything is going. Getting to see this other side of him has only clarified everything Carter and Tessa said, never judge a book by its cover.

Even though I've seen a glimpse of his softer side prior to today, I paid no attention to what lies deep within until now, and I'm glad that I gave myself a chance to see him, to know the real Micheal Capaldi.

Three hours into this and I'm still in awe of how much I'm learning about him. The small rivalries he's had with his brother since childhood, his upbringing, and how he felt the pressure to do better each time his parents compared them both. I don't think any child should go through that, I believe every child deserves to be loved equally regardless of whose doing better than the other.

Knowing this much about him has only made me understand him more, honestly, he looks different from who he really is, the charming and perfect Micheal is different from the one that lies within -- broken, misunderstood, and in need of someone to see and accept him for who is.

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                                                                      **********

He stops his car a few blocks away from my house and walks me home instead. Not knowing if mom's home or not, I tell him it's best if he doesn't park in my driveway and he agrees right away. He doesn't question or quibble about it, instead, he sees in my eyes just how uncomfortable it would make me feel.

After walking a few steps close to my driveway, we stop at the lamp post and awkwardly stand in close proximity as we gaze into each other's eyes. My heart's throbbing harder against my ribcage and I can feel the blood drawing closer to my cheeks.

Gazing into his eyes, I see it in him, I can see just how much he wants to kiss me. When he parts his lips, he waits for my consent, and with his eyes digging deep into my soul, it's getting hard to resist him.

Not being sure about how I feel about him makes things complicated. Prior to this, I knew where my head was at, but after spending today with him, getting to know him other than from what I've heard has drawn me closer to him. However, I'm not supposed to do anything, I shouldn't do anything unless I'm certain about how I feel about him, even though he has my head spinning, I can't do anything yet, not now, not when I'm ambivalent.

Standing on my tippy toes, I give him a quick peck on the cheek and begin to walk hastily away from him. Knowing how awkward that was, I don't look back, and I can only imagine what's running through his head.

What did I do-what did I do -- my endless chanting goes on until I reach my driveway and catch a glimpse of my neighbor on the other side.

Halting, I watch him play catch with a little girl. He looks happy and so does she, if only I had moments like that with my father I wouldn't be the person I am today, so reserved and shattered. I don't notice myself smiling till a ball hits me on my forehead.

He runs towards me instantly, his face looking sorry and embarrassed at the same time.

"I'm so sorry, are you okay?" He questions solemnly.

Picking the ball up, I lightly rub my forehead before handing him the ball.

"It's fine, I'm okay" I smile politely.

"Are you sure?" His voice is laced with doubt and concern, and his eyebrows contort into confusion. "I'm so sorry I didn't see the ball coming your way, had I noticed it I would have-"

"It's fine" I give a sheepish smile. His blue eyes sparkle, his dark blonde hair dances to the wind that's running through it, and his pink lips are moving but I can barely hear a word he's saying. I catch myself slavering over him and gladly he doesn't notice.

When he picks up the little girl standing in front of him, he introduces her to me.

"This is my daughter, Melissa," A smile spreads across his face, "Now honey I want you to tell the beautiful miss here that we're sorry for hitting her with the ball and that it will never happen again, okay?"

"We're sorry" Her tiny voice flows out of her lips which are partly covered by her thumb.

I can't help but graciously smile at her. Her shiny blonde hair is tied in pigtails and her beautiful ice-blue eyes sparkle.

"Aww you don't have to, look I'm not hurt am I?" I point to my face and she shakes her head in response while tugging at her shirt.

"I'm alright really, your daughter's beautiful I mean look at her she's an angel," I smile as I shift my attention back to him.

"Yeah isn't she," He runs his fingers through his hair and turns to look at his daughter in admiration. "C'mon honey, say thank you to miss-"

"Becca, Becca Watson," I extend my hand for a handshake. Something about this handshake feels different, however, I dismiss the thoughts that have already started forming and smile back at him instead.

Oddly, our paths cross, it's not how I would have imagined or wanted to start a conversation with someone but - life happens.