Chapter 5: CREED

"I don't like you being skittish around me so let's clear this shit up right now. I was wrong not to listen to you all those times you tried to tell me how things were. I let you down I know I did, but I can't go back and change that shit. I can only move forward and promise you, that nothing and no one will ever fu...I mean mess with you again in this lifetime."

Okay so I'm not the most tactful motherfucker in the world, but she got my meaning. If she was going to be fucking with me from now on and I'm pretty sure that's just what the fuck she would be doing, then she was gonna have to get used to this side of me.

Until now I'd only shown her my softer side, whatever the fuck that was. And that fucker didn't show up too often. She's gonna have to get used to the real me; the one that fucked shit up when it was needed.

She gave me her patented innocent little girl look and I wondered how in the hell she'd been able to hang onto that shit after the life she'd had living with those two fuckups. That innocence had a way of digging under my skin though and right about now that could be dangerous for her.

She still looked unsure as she looked around the room anywhere and at anything but me. I sighed and relaxed my stance a little. Can't expect her to come around in one night Creed.

"Come 'ere." She's the only thing breathing that I have any patience with; it's always been that way since I've had her. Before that in my day to day, I was known to be hard with not much give, if any.

The men of my crew know not to fuck with me, not even once, because I don't forgive worth fuck and I hate the fucking word sorry. I'd as soon gut punch an asshole as listen to his pansy ass excuses for fucking up.

So my rep is that of a straight up motherfucker. I give a fuck. Like I said, she's the only thing I've ever given a damn about in my whole fucked up life and it looks like I'd done a piss poor job of protecting her; that all ends here tonight.

When she was standing in front of me I took both her hands in mine and looked into her amazing eyes. Her hands were almost childlike as was the rest of her, except for her rack.

There was nothing childlike about the Double Ds on her chest, which were about the only things that differentiated her from a teenager. Thank fuck she didn't have them the last time I'd seen her at eighteen, or little Jessie would've been well and truly fucked. Even then she'd come pretty fucking close. Down boy! My rod was working on memory overload.

"You know you have nothing to fear from me right?" She nodded her head but I wasn't convinced. I was pretty sure that I was gonna have to regain her trust.

I studied her for a long time, weighing the pros and cons of questioning her now, of getting to the bottom of whatever hell she'd been through. I had a need to know every single one of her hurts so I could put them to rights.

No, better wait until there was more road between me and Sal the fuck, or I might go back and kill his ass while she was in the same air space. I wasn't about to introduce any more fuckery into her life, but that fuck's day was coming. "Get to bed we've got a long day tomorrow." I squeezed her hand and released her.

She went into the bathroom and I jumped off the bed and hit the door. I couldn't even risk being that close with her in the next room naked. It's not like I don't think about her every second of every fucking day, but at least I get to keep my distance. Me having to be here, be in the same room with her, is going to fuck with my program.

How the fuck was I gonna make it the next three days until her birthday? My cock was unruly at best and this one he really wanted. He's been waiting three years to humble her; three long fucking years of beating off and second grade fucks, which were never anything more than a quick release.

I'm not sure if I'm in love with her, though I suspect that I'd been falling in love with her a little bit here and there over time, but I do know I've never felt for anyone the way I feel for her.

Love isn't something I was familiar with, not until her at any rate. But even there the shit was confusing, because what I'd grown to feel for the little girl, was nothing compared to what I now bore the near woman. And fuck me sideways with a crowbar if this shit wasn't scary as being in the warzone.

I didn't really have a basis for what she does to me, nothing to compare it to I mean. As a man of action I like to know what I'm dealing with. I like shit spelt out for me like I'm a two year old so when I have to fuck somebody up for their shit, at least we were both on the same page before they fucked up.

The shit she makes me feel has no rhyme or reason. There's no pattern to the fucking madness or the way she consumes my every thought even when I don't want her to. Shit's not fair, it's like I didn't have a choice. And that right there is why I think I might be in love. Fuck!

It wasn't like the shit changed gradually either, no. One day she was the sweet little sprite I'd rescued, someone I had resigned myself to having in my life in one way or the other for all time, but of course in a conventional way. Then one day out of the blue, she changed and all that shit went out the window.

I wasn't equipped to deal with the rapid changes back then, and I probably handled shit all wrong. All I know is that when I started dreaming about her, staring at her body like a sexual thing, it was time to go before I did some fucked up shit that would make her first years seem nice in comparison.

I only ever wanted what was best for my babygirl, and nowhere in my mind was that me. I'd lived a rough and sordid life, a life on the streets and then buried in war. I wanted better for her, she deserved the white picket fence and all the other bullshit that went along with it. Shit that I was never gonna be able to give her.

So I'd stayed the fuck away in the beginning, tried to keep my thoughts clean where she was concerned, that shit didn't last too long though. But still I'd had the strength to stay away though it almost killed me. I'd told myself I was giving her time. Because once my mind was made up, there was no changing that shit. Still, I maybe should've handled that shit better.