The Prince Of Desire

Xander's POV

By Morning, the storm had stopped, and it left the forest raw and dripping. My body, still aching from last night, but what is even worse than the body pain is the truth that burned into my skin raw. I had fucked him

Edrian.

Not as a master. Not as a captor. Not as the Alpha disciplining a stray, but as a man starved, undone by his own hunger.

And I hated myself for it.

I walked ahead of him as we rejoined the hunting party, every muscle stiff, every step deliberate. I didn’t look back. If I saw his eyes, I’d falter. If I caught his scent, wild, sharp, still stained with mine, I’d break again.

How dare you turn your back on him? Feris prowled inside me, restless, snarling.

“Will you shut the fuck up?” I growled back at him.

Mate, Feris growled like the animal he is, voice thick with rage. Ours. You denied him once. You’ll not do it again.

“I will deny him as many times as I can.” I shot back at him. “We cannot afford any weakness.”

Weakness? Feris thundered inside me. It was strength. The truest bond. You buried yourself in him, and you know it, he fit, he burned, he healed. You’ll waste us both with this lie.

I clenched my jaw until it ached.

Behind me, I could hear his tread, light and careful. Like he feared even brushing against me. He didn’t speak, not even a word and that silence carved deeper than any accusation.

When we returned to the palace, I dismissed him with a cold order. 

“Go and rest, I have no use for you now.”

He bowed his head with his eyes flickering up once. They were wounded, furious, and gods help me, still wanting.

I turned my back before the sight unmade me.

Several hours later I was on the training groud with my sword in hand chopping at the training post till splinters flew. My face was pouring with sweat, my muscles screaming but it was not enough. Not even that could suffice to take away the image of him, his mouth, his wailing cries, how his body had seized mine as if it belonged to no one.

I dealt a greater blow, and the post creaked at the attack.

"You’ll smash the damn thing." A voice called.

Korran pushed himself against the wall and crossed his arms, that perennial grin of his pulling at his lips. His eyes, though, were sharp. Too sharp.

“Out with it,” I snapped.

“You reek of him,” Korran simply said.

My grip faltered. The sword clattered against the post. 

“Watch your tongue.”

“Why? You’d rather I pretend?” He pushed himself off the wall, circling me like a wolf scenting blood. “You think no one notices how you orbit each other? How your wolf rages every time Amber slithers near him? You think I don’t see the way you’re coming apart at the seams?”

I shoved past him, but he caught my arm. His grip was iron.

“You can punish yourself all you want, Xander. You can starve yourself, bury yourself in duty, even drown yourself in Amber’s poison, but the bond doesn’t care. It doesn’t break just because you’re afraid.”

“You know nothing of what I fear.” My chest heaved.

“Then tell me...why him? Korran’s voice softened, just enough to cut deeper ."Why do you keep him close when you know you cannot honor the mate bond? Why haven't you rejected him yet?”

My stomach twisted, and for a heartbeat, I almost told him, about the strange haze, the inexplicable pull, the way Amber’s touch sometimes blurred the edges of my mind, but shame silenced me.

“Because Amber is a potential Luna, she could help the throne, she is a noble born and Edrian...” His name cracked on my tongue. “Because Edrian is a slave.”

Korran studied me for a long moment. Then he released my arm and stepped back without saying anything, he just watched me for a moment and left. 

That night, I sat alone in my chambers, the fire snapping low in the hearth. I hadn’t summoned Amber. Not this time.

But her scent lingered in the sheets anyway... her perfume, honeyed and cloying. It clung to my skin, worming into my mind.

She was never this sweet before, I thought bitterly. Why did she ever hold my gaze at all? Why did I let her touch me?

And in that thought, shame bloomed.

Because even now, with Amber’s phantom hands brushing against me, my body didn’t stir for her. It stirred for him.

For Edrian.

The memory of his voice, broken and begging, haunted me. The way his wolf had keened beneath mine. The way he had looked at me after, trembling and wrecked, like I’d carved something holy into him.

“Enough,” I muttered, dragging a hand over my face. “I’ll ruin us both if I don’t stop.”

You already have. Feris growled, low and dangerous. 

The next morning, I saw him again on the training ground. He stood alone, practicing stances, sweat glistening across his back. His movements were clumsy, but his wolf gave him edge, raw and untamed.

He turned at the sound of my boots on the gravel. His eyes locked on mine.

For a long, breathless moment, neither of us moved.

Then he spoke, 

“Why?” voice tight.

The single word cracked something inside me.

I wanted to say everything, because I can’t want you, because I can’t stop, and because you’ll be the end of me.

Instead, I forced out the only shield I had left.

“Because it meant nothing.”

His face went pale, then flushed with fury. His wolf surged, golden fire in his eyes. 

“You lie.”

I swallowed hard, every muscle tense. 

“Then believe the lie. It’s safer for us both.”

And before I could falter, I turned my back once again, pretending I didn’t hear the soft, pained whimper his wolf let slip as I walked away.