Sleep didn't come easy to me that night. I woke up the next morning feeling as if I had been hit by a train. Walking into my bathroom I grimaced at my reflection, it was clear I had cried myself to sleep. Jumping in the shower I hoped to wash yesterday away but no matter how hard I scrubbed I still felt horrible.
As I stepped out I grabbed my towels wrapping one around my hair and the other around my body. Taking a deep breath I wiped at the steam that had built up on the mirror. The girl standing in front of me might as well have been a stranger, her eyes looked back at me with a dead expression on them. Grabbing my robe I removed my towel sliding into it before heading to the kitchen to start my coffee.
It was earlier than I had wanted to get up but once my eyes opened I knew I had things to do. I had no idea if the office would be open today but I needed to find out what I needed to do to put in my 30 day notice. Brooke and I both had looked at apartments last night o
With Christmas behind us, the baby's due date was fast approaching. I was miserable now and Seth thought it was hilarious to bring up the fact that I seemed to wobble when I walked. If I thought I had been tired before I obviously didn't know tired.I had never put much thought or belief in the "nesting" stories I had heard friends talk about or read in books. But with two weeks before my due date, I found myself, going into full nesting mode. I organized and refolded or hung up all of the baby's clothes. Organized blankets by colors and patterns. Even the many boxes of diapers had been stacked in the closet by size all facing the same way.Seth had gone out of town for New Year's, he had asked me if I needed him to stay but I told him I would be fine without him and I was. I spent my time decorating rearranging or sleeping. My cravings were gone and now I had almost no appetite. I don't think my stomach had room for anything but the baby. Getting up and down was no easy
December was moving way too fast for my liking. I stood in front of a massive Christmas tree that hadn't been there the day before frowning. I wasn't ready for Christmas, I had no idea what to buy Seth. I mean it's not like he didn't already have every possible thing he could ever want. I had given his assistant a list of things to buy for my family and friends and now I wished that I would have just gone and bought it myself. It took the fun away from Christmas.I understood why Seth didn't want me walking around shopping though, I was huge pregnant and didn't have that much longer to go. Turning the corner to the kitchen I grabbed a cup of coffee and returned to stand back in front of the tree. It was pretty, just not my style, not that I would have told Seth that. I had no idea how I could have managed to sleep through the house being decorated. It was only 9:30 which was early as hell for me to be up. I preferred to sleep till 10:30 or 11.Walking down the hall I w
With the baby shower behind us, I could now appreciate it for what it was. I think my apprehension had been from the disaster of my previous gender reveal. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder and I could now worry about other matters, like spending Thanksgiving with Seth's mom. I had no real reason to worry about that but I didn't know what she thought about me yet.When the time came I was nowhere near ready. I had hoped my doctor would say I wasn't approved for travel but I wasn't so lucky. I knew I needed to be up packing my bags for our trip but I didn't want to get out of bed. I felt like I had just laid down. Seth his bags packed and ready before my feet even touched the ground. He arched his eyebrow at me, "you know if you would start going to bed earlier you wouldn't be so sleepy."I frowned at him, "if you would stay on your side of the bed I wouldn't be up all night."Seth threw my bag up on the bed as I made my way to the bathroom, I ign
At 30 weeks pregnant, I was already over the whole pregnancy thing. My belly was huge and it was hard for me to even get up out of bed anymore. I didn't know if I could go another 10 weeks. I was tired of the "are you sure there is only one baby in there jokes." I was tired of people thinking my stomach was an open invitation to feel for the baby. I was turning out to be grouchy as hell in my last trimesterAlthough nothing had been said I had a feeling the "dinner" Seth was wanting to take me on tonight was actually going to turn into a baby shower. I don't know how I knew but I just did, he had been asking too many questions about things I knew damn well he didn't care about.It wasn't that I didn't want a baby shower, I just didn't want one today. I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to get dressed, I just wanted to lay in bed and sleep. I felt like we had just had the gender reveal and that had turned out to be a huge mess. Brooke and I had cleared the air but things
It had been two weeks since Seth had come back from New York and I was already for him to go back out of town. He had tried to talk to me about what had happened and I had refused to listen. He told me repeatedly that nothing had happened and I told him to stop talking about it.He had been glued to my side. Today was my first time out of the house without him.I couldn't believe I was already 26 weeks but at the same time, I couldn't believe I was only 26 weeks. I felt like I had been pregnant forever. Seth had wanted to come with me but I snapped at him and told him I was more than capable of driving myself. I don't know if he finally realized I'd reached my melting point or if I had just shocked him by going left. I didn't know and didn't care, all I knew was I could finally breathe again.Don't get me wrong he still left and went to the studio, he just never stayed gone long. If he stayed gone more than a couple of hours he would call and if I ignored his call
My flight home had been miserable. I was tired and cranky, my flight had been delayed due to bad weather, and Seth and I had said our goodbyes in anger. Every time I felt better about our relationship something always came along to fuck it up. Was it a sign that we just weren't meant to be?Seth hadn't come back to the hotel till almost 5 am. I had never truly gone into a deep sleep so I heard him when he came into the room. I laid still listening for any signs of his movements or where he was. When the shower came on I grabbed my phone checking the time. I don't know exactly what made me do it but I got on Twitter and searched for Candace.It didn't take me long to find her. I felt my stomach drop and her last tweet, "when he has to leave your bed." It was short and there was no reason for me to think she was talking about Seth but I did. Pulling up Instagram I searched for her again, it was harder to find her but I did, she had the same damn thing posted there but wi