CHAPTER 14: SHADOWS BETWEEN US

FENRIC'S POV

My boots echo down the corridor as I return to the quarters rather reluctantly and full of regret.

I can still taste the blood in my mouth, feeling the metallic taste remind me of the rogue I tore to pieces just silence my own scream that's even now still rising in my throat.

However nothing quiets the storm inside me.

My fists are raw, my mind’s a pit of disaster, and I left her.

I left her Iryn, my Omega and my mate alone.

My shame burns through me at the thought, even hotter than the rage I'm feeling as I push open the door to our shared quarters.

She's sitting curled up on the window bench with her legs tucked beneath her and the moonlight spilling over her pale skin.

Her arms are wrapped around herself, but her head turns when she hears me.

She doesn’t say anything when she looks at me, and neither do I.

We stay like that for a beat or two, then I close the door behind me and say the only thing I know I should say but doesn’t come easy to me.

"I'm sorry."

Her eyes widen slightly while she looks at me, as if the words shocked her.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” I add, my voice getting low and rough, the way it always gets when I’m forcing something out that doesn’t want to be said.

Then Iryn stands up. “You left,” she says softly, but the words sound harsh.

“...After I begged you not to.”

I flinch at that. “I needed… space.”

“From me?”

“No,” I snap. “From myself. From the way I wanted to tear something apart because you kissed Orien.”

At my words, her lips press into a thin line. “He was comforting me.”

“I know,” I growl. “That’s the problem.”

She looks at me like she’s trying to read exactly why I'm angry, then she walks forward to me.

... Very cautiously but bravely------ always so fucking brave even though she doesn't know it yet.

She stops just in front of me, so close enough that her scent literally stabs into my lungs------ that sweet Omega scent that could bring me to my knees if I let it.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she whispers, and in response I let out a broken laugh.

“You didn’t; that’s the fucked- up part. You didn’t hurt me... you're just here, and I already feel as if I’m not enough.”

“Fenric…”

Pausing, I look at her and see that her face is tired, and her eyes are darker than they should be.

... But still… she’s the most painfully beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

“I’m not like Nyall,” I tell her.

“I don’t hide behind composure, and I’m not like Orien either; I don’t know how to be soft.”

However she doesn't react like I expect her to, and instead she reaches out and brushes her fingers down my arm, and I swear my soul twitches.

“Then don’t be soft,” she murmurs. “Just be honest.”

I grip her wrist tightly then------ not to hurt her, fuck no,----- just to stop myself from shattering.

“You make me crazy, and all I want to do except now is lock you away where no one can look at you, touch you or even breathe near you.”

At this her breath catches in her throat and I growl out the words;

“I feel like I’m burning from the inside out whenever I’m near you, and it’s driving me insane."

“Then stay close to me,” she says, her own voice trembling while I just stare at her.

I want to kiss her, I really do, and I also want to pull her into my arms but I don't do either of them.

... Because I know I'll want more, and I'm not fully calm enough to control myself.

So instead I just let go of her wrist and take a step back away from her.

---------------------

That night, I'm sleeping when suddenly Iryn screams and I bolt upright, snarling with my claws already halfway formed as I bolt to our room where she still stays.

She’s thrashing when I get there, trapped in the blankets, and drenched in sweat.

“Iryn!”

In a flash, I’m at her side, gripping her shoulders and shaking her.

“Wake up!”

“No! No, please!” she sobs, fighting me, screaming as if she's in both terror and pain.

“Iryn----- it’s me. You’re safe!”

She gasps and snaps her eyes awake, looking around and at me with wild eyes and shaking.

I catch her before she falls forward and hold her against my chest while her body trembles like a leaf.

“Cormac,” she whispers and my entire body goes still.

“What?”

"I... I dreamt of him again..."

When did she dream of him for the first time?

However my thoughts are cut off when I feel her desperately hold tightly to my shirt as if she’s just trying to hold on to something.

"He was right there... He touched my face and you… and Orien… and Nyall------ were all chained. You were all howling and screaming my name, but I couldn’t help you, I…”

She starts to sob mid sentence, and I crush her to me so tightly that I start to fear that I’ll break her.

But I have to hold her, I have to feel her alive, in my arms,... not in that nightmare.

I press my lips to her hair.

“He’s not here," I say, pressing my lips to her hair.

"You’re safe, we all are.”

But her fingers dig into my ribs, and I feel something crack inside me.

If Cormac touches her----- hell, if he even dreams of touching her----- I will rip him apart until there’s nothing left of him to bury.

LATER…

NYALL'S POV

I can’t breathe when she’s near, but then I end up choking worse when she’s gone.

... It's like I'm addicted to her.

Currently I'm sitting in the farthest edge of the compound, at the old training quarters no one uses anymore.

Here dust fills the air, but at least it’s quiet.

However there's no scent of her here, and no warmth either,

... Just silence; it's what I deserve anyway.

Silently I press my hand over my chest, my fingers splaying and rubbing over it as if in doing so, I could smother the bond.

But it doesn't, instead it pulses beneath my skin and under my fingers... just like a second heartbeat.

I don't even have to try before my mind thinks of her again.

Iryn, my Omega, our mate.

When Fenric stormed back in to our quarters earlier, I saw him, and I remember vividly how I clenched my teeth at the sight of him.

His eyes were dark, his shirt---- whatever remained of it----- was bloody, and through the bond, I felt what he felt: Regret and Conflict.

But at least he came back to her; I haven’t.

It feels weird being jealous of my own brother.

Suddenly the door behind me swings open, but I don’t have to turn before I know it's her.

“I looked everywhere for you,” Iryn says, sounding breathless.

“Then you shouldn’t have.”

She doesn’t speak for a moment, but I hear her footsteps tapping gently on the tile as she walks closer.

“What are you running from?” she asks.

How did she know I was deliberately being absent?

"I'm not running,” I say flatly.

“I'm hiding.”

“From what, from me?”

“From what I feel.”

She goes quiet at that, and I think she's about to let the topic go, but then she whispers.

“I had a nightmare."

Again?

“I saw you chained,” she continues,

“... howling in agony, and you, Fenric, Orien… and Cormac were there. He touched me.”

My fingers curl into fists. “What did Cormac do?”

“He smiled,” she says. “And he told me that I belonged to him.”

I finally turn to look at her, and notice the tear stains on her face.

She cried, that bastard made her cry.

“I don’t belong to anyone,” she says suddenly.

“But you---- Nyall----- you're one of the three parts that hold me together, and every time one of you pulls away, it hurts.”

I don’t move at all, and just let her speak.

I'm drowning in my feelings, but I just want to hear her tell me how she feels.

... If this mate bond truly affects her like it does to me.

“Do you think I don’t feel the bond?” she whispers as if she just heard my thoughts.

“It tugs on me constantly, and it makes me ache. Please don't hide from me You’re normally cold Nyall but I’m not scared of getting cold.”

However I clench my jaw. “You should be.”

She furrows her eyebrows at me, not understanding. “Why?”

“Because I don’t love like Fenric or Orien. I don’t love like anyone mate; I consume and I destroy.”

“Maybe I’m not afraid of being destroyed,” she says softly.

I'm not sure what has me doing what I do next------ maybe it's how quickly she said those words without hesitating or thinking----, but in a single stride I’m in front of her.

Then I grip her arms, dragging her against me and my mouth crashes into hers.

I pour everything I feel into the kiss; the rage, the longing, the restraint and the torment I feel that I can't mark her now.

Her lips tremble in shock at my sudden move, and I think I hear a gasp, but she kisses me back.

Then I break the kiss and press my forehead to hers.

“I’ll ruin you,” I whisper but she shakes her head at me, innocently so.

“I don't think you will," she rasps, and I let out a small smile then step back away from her.

“You should go,” I say, and she nods but I can see that her eyes have gotten glassy.

Seeing those unshed tears in her eyes send a stab to my heart and I don't even realise when my legs unconsciously walk to her.

Those things shouldn't be there, she doesn't deserve to cry.

My hands reach out to wipe the tears from her eyes, but she surprises me by taking several steps away from me.

“Just know…” she says quietly, “you can’t hide from me forever. I’m not letting any of you go, not even you, Nyall.”

Then she turns and leaves, and I’m left standing... and wondering with my lips slightly parted...

Did she just give me a love declaration?