Chapter 4: A dead man alive

I was seated in the driver’s seat of a plain rental vehicle, my fingers drumming on the steering wheel while I looked at the door of a tiny, red-brick apartment complex at the city’s edge. I had abandoned Lily to the nanny with the pretense of doing errands, but had driven two hours out here to this suburban street because I’d remembered one specific address Julian had named when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. The heater was breathing hot air on my ankles, and the motor was purring silently, but a cold shudder passed through me as I stared at the front door of the apartment swinging open.

A man emerged, clad in the spartan hoodie and jeans that were a far cry from the high-end suits Julian typically donned, but that confident gait is unmistakable. He was holding the door for a woman with long, chestnut hair who was carrying a toddler which looked just like Julian, even down to the shape of his nose and the way he kicked his legs in excitement. I saw Julian stretch out his hand and tousle the kid’s hair, his expression brightening into a real smile – a smile he had never once given me or Lily in all our years under the same roof.

“Look at that, he’s actually happy,” I muttered to myself, my voice echoing in the tiny car as I watched them head to a silver SUV a few meters away. The woman, Sarah, leaned over and kissed his cheek, and Julian snaked his arm around her waist as though they were just a normal, happy family out for a Sunday walk. I felt a stabbing pain in my chest, a holdover from the woman who once loved him, but it was gone in an instant, flushed by an icy, burning wish to watch him lose everything he was currently smiling about.

She giggled and kissed his cheek when he walked back up to the bed. I was going to take a photo, a photo for use as leverage later; but my hands were trembling so badly I nearly dropped it into the aisles from between the seats. I took a deep breath, at that instant realizing Julian was loading a stroller into the trunk of the van, and it dawned on me-he was in no rush. He really thought he was safe, he really believed he had effectively died and left his "burdens" to deal with the debt and the grief.

I opened the car door, thinking half nothing, and stepped out on the pavement, because I wanted a better look — I wanted to see the look on his face when he glanced at the woman he had slain me for. I dropped down behind a big van, inching along the sidewalk as the sound of their laughter floated in the air, and I heard Sarah asking him whether they had sufficient diapers for the journey.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, we're going to stop by the station on the way out of town, there's no rush we've got a lot of time before the flight," Julian said, his voice carrying with a bit of that trademark Saul Newberry showmanship through the cool morning air. That even you at that hour of the morning?!? A quick check on flight status: still 18 hours until takeoff. Hearing that familiar rasp made my skin crawl.

I bent just a little too far to catch a glimpse of them fastening the kid into the car seat, and for just a moment, Julian stopped and looked toward the van where I was hiding, his gaze sharpening as if he felt someone's eyes on him. Julian] said, his voice carrying clearly in the quiet morning air and hearing that familiar intonation, being voiced by him made my skin crawl.

My heart stopped, and I freezed against the cold metal of the van, asking the God that he won't walk over and look, but before I can even get a breath, a strong hand grabs my upper arm and pulls me back into a small alleyway between two houses. I was about to scream when a big hand came down over my mouth, and I was pushed up against a brick wall as a big body kept me so still I couldn’t move.

“Shut up if you don’t want him to find you, Josephine,” a deep, familiar voice snarled in my ear, and I raised my eyes to see Alexander’s intense dark gaze looking down at me like the pressure of a physical force. He never released my arm, and he continued to cover my mouth with his free hand until we heard the sound of the silver SUV leaving and vanishing down the lane.

When the chugging stopped, he slowly withdrew his hand but didn’t move away, still pinning me to the wall between his chest and the wall.

“What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were at the estate with the liquidators,” he growled, his voice a low rumble as he looked for an answer in my expression.

“I could say the same to you, Alexander, do you happen to be tailing me?” I spat, attempting to calm myself down despite my heart still beating hard enough to keep a bird trapped in my chest. I tried to shove him off, but he held firm, gripping my shoulders and telling me that he knew I was off the moment I stopped fighting Martha and started acting like a woman on a secret mission.

“I was following you because you have the demeanor of someone about to do something very stupid, and spying on a ghost in the middle of a public street makes that misinformation.” He glanced back at me, his gaze retreating just a shade, then he asked me what I was really looking at over there.

I stared at the brick wall behind his head. As I thought about the image of Julian laughing with his new family, I knew I couldn’t tell Alexander that I was certain Julian was alive. I needed to see how far Alexander was willing to go for me before I revealed my hand, so I just looked him right in the eye and gave him a half-truth that felt like a promise.

​"I’m looking at my future, Alexander, and it’s a lot brighter than the life I just left behind," I said, my voice steadying as I reached out and adjusted the collar of his coat. He didn't look convinced, but he didn't push me further, he just took my hand and started leading me back toward my rental car, telling me that we were going to get out of this neighborhood before someone called the police on us.

​As we walked, he didn't let go of my hand, and the heat of his palm felt like the only real thing in a world that was currently falling apart around me. He opened my car door for me and waited until I was buckled in, and then he leaned down and told me that if I ever went on an "errand" like this again, I’d better make sure he was the one driving. I watched him walk back to his own black sedan, and I realized that Alexander was becoming a much bigger part of my life than I had ever intended