Why am I feeling this way?

Sonia POV

  I can't bear this anymore. It's been two days since Kenneth returned from his parents' anniversary. Has he forgotten about me? I couldn't sleep. His attention over the months has consumed me, like an emotional requirement I must fulfill. Throughout the night, I've read all his previous text messages, even the ones I ignored when I saw his name. Is this what they call love? No man has ever affected me this deeply. Or maybe Kenneth is no longer interested in me? Does he have a new girlfriend? Bridget would have told me. Perhaps he met his ex at the anniversary and they've reconciled. What's happening? I think I can fix this myself, but I don't want to appear desperate to him. The more I try to avoid looking desperate, the more I suffer silently. Or maybe he's unwell? If he was sick, he would have used it as an excuse for me to come over. Although he tried this tactic before, but I refused to go. Who knows, maybe he's tired of me? Kenneth is a very attractive man. Why have I been keeping him waiting? Perhaps it's time for me to make a move and let him know I'm interested in all the things he's been telling me. It wouldn't cost me anything. I'm good at evoking emotions in others. If I could show him the spark he's been looking for, we could start from there. How can I do that?

  Does it mean that I can't stop thinking about Kenneth? I've been pondering about him all night, to the point where I even dreamt of us kissing. Is that dream real? Is there such a thing as a fake dream? I questioned myself as I turned and sat on my bed. There's a saying that if you think about something before you sleep, you're likely to dream about it. My sudden obsession with Kenneth is causing all of this.

  Maybe I can confide in Bridget about my feelings. She had advised me to give Kenneth a chance. Although, I'm somewhat skeptical and worried that Kenneth might just be interested in a physical relationship. He's so attractive, and I imagine many women would be interested in him.

  What can I do now to let him know that we can be his girlfriend and that I appreciate his time and the gifts he's given me? First, I need to look stunning in his eyes. I already know I'm attractive, I just need to wear some enticing clothes to catch his attention once again. And I need to make space for him in my heart. He deserves a chance. This means I should check on him before he leaves for work.

  Why can't I be the first person to knock on his door this morning and give him his favorite coffee?

  I quickly jumped out of bed, determined to carry out my plan. I don't want to have another rough day at work like yesterday. His smile alone could change everything.

  It was 5:30 am when I left my bed and entered the bathroom to take a shower. I've never taken a shower this early. My work starts at 9 am, so I have plenty of time in the morning, and I usually shower a few minutes past six.

  My shower was swift, and I hurriedly applied my creams, as if rushing to take a professional exam. I put on a modest pink dress that he had seen me wear before and complimented me on. I grabbed my bag and car keys and rushed out, getting into my car. I was on my way to pick up his favorite coffee, a latte coffee. I stopped at the coffee shop, got out of the car, purchased two cups, and got back into my car to drive away. I felt normal from the moment I left home and even when I bought the coffee. But as I got closer to Kenneth's neighborhood, I could feel my heart beating faster.

  Why am I feeling this way? It's Kenneth, my usual Kenneth. Has anything changed about him? Nothing has changed, but I've never done what I'm about to do now. What if Bridget sees me first? What would she think? If I had known, I would have bought three cups of coffee. I could give Bridget one, and it would seem like nothing happened. Once she sees me with two cups of coffee, both in red cups, heading towards Kenneth's house, she'll understand. Besides, I didn't even call her when I was coming. And yesterday, I called her pretending that someone asked me about Kenneth.

  As I entered the estate, I realized I had forgotten Kenneth's house number. I thought about calling Bridget, but then I remembered that Kenneth had texted it to me before, but I never visited. I stopped the car and quickly checked my phone to find his house number.

  "65!" I said it out loud and sighed.

The closer I drove to his house, the more I felt butterflies in my stomach. This was unusual for me. But I reassured myself that I just wanted to give Kenneth a cup of coffee.

  Finally, I arrived in front of his house, and the next building, I assumed, belonged to Bridget. Bridget and I were colleagues at work, and we had no other connection besides that. I had never visited her before. I got out of the car and a few minutes later, I found myself standing in front of Kenneth's door, knocking. After knocking, I checked my wristwatch, and it was 7:45 am. Suddenly, my heart started racing, and I began to question myself.

  What if he rejects the coffee? What if a woman opens the door? It would mean she stayed the night here. It would mean she was the reason why he hadn't called or texted me. What if no one is home? Why didn't I even call him after going through all this stress uninvited?

  "Sonia?" His voice startled me, and I realized he had opened the door silently. The way he called my name showed his surprise.

  "Hi Kenneth!" I extended my hand for a handshake, wanting to gauge if he was with someone inside his house.

  "Can I come in?" I flirted, noticing his attractive appearance in boxer shorts and a white shirt.

  "Hmm... yeah! But I wasn't expecting you. If you want to come inside."

  "I'm sorry I didn't call you. I was on my way to work, so I stopped at the coffee shop. As I was about to buy one cup, I quickly remembered that you love drinking coffee in the morning. I bought your favorite," I explained, shrugging and waiting for his response, hoping I didn't come across as foolish.

  "Wow, thanks," he said, and his reaction seemed genuine, putting me at ease.

  "If it's okay with you, may I come in? Or do you have someone inside because I didn't call you beforehand... I thought as friends, I could bring you a cup of coffee. Please, forgive my assumption. I didn't think it through, and I hope you're not angry," I stumbled over my words.

  "No, no. Thank you so much. But what I'm wondering is how you knew my favorite coffee."

  "Don't worry, I'm a lady, I'm observant," I replied. Was there really a need to go inside again? He had just told me no one was there.

  "You can come inside," he gestured, opening the door. But I felt like maintaining my previous habit of being elusive.

  "Hmm... let's save it for another day. Before I forget, how was the anniversary? I'm... sorry I missed it."

  "No, I knew you were busy. I'm fine, it was okay."

Throughout our conversation, I still had the two cups of coffee in my hands. Then I reached out and gave him one cup.

  "Thank you so much," he simply said, and I expected a hug in return. I had brought his favorite coffee, and he wasn't expecting it. Don't I deserve a hug? But he only smiled at me, and we shook hands again. I wanted a hug, not just another handshake but I still don't want to look desperate. He should be the one to extend his hands, then I will embrace him.

  As I walked a few steps away from the door, I noticed that he was still looking at me. I turned around and said,

  "If you don't mind, you can visit me later in my office."

  "I'm not too sure!" he replied, his facial expressions showing uncertainty.

  "Then I'll remind you," I insisted.

  "Okay, I would appreciate that," he finally agreed.

He stood at the door, staring at me until I got into my car. I had taken him by surprise, and I couldn't wait to see him during our break time at work.

  I couldn't help but keep my eyes on his chest and muscular hands. Had I been blind all this time? Why was I delaying this relationship?