Craving Their Touch

Why am I still doing this? I thought as I stared at my reflection in the steamed-up mirror. Ten years and I still whisper the same words every night.

"I am still his wife."

"Clara? Are you coming to bed soon?" David's voice floated in from the bedroom.

I tied my silk robe tight and stepped out. The cold marble made me shiver. David sat propped up against the pillows, those sharp grey eyes watching me closely.

"I'm here," I said, walking over. "Let me help you get comfortable."

He nodded slowly. "You took a long shower again tonight. Was the water too hot?"

"It was fine. I just needed time to unwind. How are you feeling?"

David reached out and caught my wrist. His grip felt too tight. Why does he always hold me like he can satisfy my needs?

"Tired of this chair," he said. "Tired of watching you wear yourself out for me. You look exhausted, Clara. Beautiful, but exhausted."

I gently pulled my hand back and sat on the edge of the bed. *God, I feel so empty.* "I'm okay. It's been ten years. I've gotten used to the routine."

"Used to it?" He gave a quiet laugh with no warmth. "You gave up your design career for me. Most wives would have left long ago."

I stayed because I loved you. Or maybe I was just scared. "I made a vow. In sickness and in health. I meant it."

He studied my face for a long moment. "You say that, but I see the hunger in your eyes. Tell me the truth. Do you still want me the way you used to?"

My cheeks burned. How can he ask me that when he knows the answer hurts both of us? "Of course I do. You're my husband."

"But I can't give you what you need," he said flatly. "No touch. No real intimacy. Ten years of nothing. Be honest with me, Clara. Does it drive you crazy?"

I stood up and walked to the window. Rain tapped softly against the glass. Yes. It drives me insane some nights. "Sometimes it does. But I push those feelings down. I focus on taking care of you. That's what matters."

David shifted in the bed. "Come back here. Sit with me."

I returned and took his hand. His hands still feel strong. But they never go lower anymore. "What do you want me to say? That I'm lonely? That my body aches for something I can't have? Fine. I admit it. But I'm not going to act on it."

He squeezed my fingers. "Loyal. Such a pretty word. Yet every night I wonder if you're touching yourself in that shower, thinking about what you lost."

He shouldn't say things like that. "David, stop. That's private. It's not fair to throw it in my face."

"Is it private?" he asked, his eyes narrowing. "Or do you secretly like knowing I might be thinking about you?"

I pulled my hand away. This feels wrong. Like he's enjoying my pain. "You're making me uncomfortable. Let's just get you settled for the night."

He watched me as I straightened his blanket. "You used to love it when I watched you. Remember before the accident? The way you'd undress slowly for me?"

Those memories hurt now. "That was a different life. We're different people now."

"Are we?" David tilted his head. "Or are you just better at pretending? If you could have one night of real passion, no guilt, what would you want?"

I froze. Why is my heart racing? I shouldn't even imagine it. "I don't think about that."

"Liar," he said with a small smile. "Everyone lies to themselves. Especially you."

I took a deep breath. Stay strong, Clara. "Your medication is on the nightstand. Do you want it now or later?"

"Later," he replied. "First I want to talk. Julian and Marcus called today."

My stomach tightened. Not them. Not tonight. "Oh? What did they say?"

"They're worried about me. About us. They want to visit and stay for a while to help around the house."

I folded my arms across my chest. I don't want them here. This house already feels too small. "We don't need help. I handle everything here."

David's grey eyes locked on mine. "You handle everything because I let you. But you're burning out. Julian is a successful lawyer now. Marcus builds beautiful things. Strong men. Capable men."

Why is he talking about them like this? "Why are you telling me this?"

He leaned forward a little. "Because I'm not blind, Clara. I know what you need. And I know I can't give it to you anymore. So maybe it's time we faced that truth together."

I shook my head. This can't be happening. "No. I won't discuss this. You're my husband. That's final."

"Final?" He chuckled softly. "Ten years is a long time to live like a nun in a golden cage. Don't you get tired of lying to yourself every single day?"

I do. God, I do. "I get tired of a lot of things. But cheating isn't one of them. I won't betray you."

David reached out and brushed a strand of my long dark hair behind my ear. His touch felt possessive. "What if I gave you permission? What if I told you to explore with them?"

My breath caught. He can't mean that. "You're not serious."

"I am," he said, his voice steady and cold. "Think about it. Julian with his charm and those blue eyes that have always followed you. Marcus with his quiet strength and that muscular body covered in tattoos. Both of them under this roof. Both wanting you."

"Stop it," I whispered. My body is reacting even though my mind is screaming no. "This is crazy. You're testing me again, aren't you?"

"Maybe I am," David replied. "Or maybe I'm finally being honest. I love you enough to hate watching you waste away. Tell me how you really feel when you look at them."

I stood up and paced beside the bed. I can't admit anything. "I feel nothing. They're your friends. That's all."

"Nothing?" He raised an eyebrow. "When Julian visited last Christmas, I saw how he kissed your hand. Too slow. Too lingering. And Marcus barely spoke, but his eyes never left your legs when you walked across the room."

He noticed that? "You're imagining things."

"Am I?" David asked. "Or are you scared to admit that your body wakes up around real men who can actually satisfy you?"

I turned away from him. My skin feels hot just hearing him say it. "This conversation is over. You need rest."

"No," he said firmly. "Sit down, Clara. Look at me."

I sat reluctantly. "What do you want from me tonight?"

"The truth," he answered. "Do you touch yourself thinking about other men? About hands that aren't mine? About being taken properly after all these years?"

Heat rushed to my face. I hate how my body betrays me. "David, please."

"Answer me," he pressed. "I deserve to know what's happening inside that pretty head of yours."

I swallowed hard. "Sometimes the thoughts come. I push them away immediately. I feel ashamed afterward. Happy now?"

"Not ashamed enough," he said softly. "Because if you were truly content, you wouldn't need those long showers where you stand under the water for so long."

My eyes widened. How does he know? "How do you know how long my showers are?"

"I pay attention," David replied calmly. "I notice everything about you. Every sigh. Every restless night. Every time you look at the door like you wish someone else would walk through it."

This feels dangerous. "You're twisting things. I take care of you every day. I gave up my life for this marriage. And now you're making me feel like I'm the problem?"

"You're not the problem," he said. "Your needs are the problem. So I'm offering a solution."

"A solution?" I laughed bitterly. "By suggesting I sleep with your best friends under our roof while you're here?"

"Exactly," David said. "They move in tomorrow. They help with my care. And they give you what I can't. No divorce. No losing everything. Just honesty for once."

I shook my head slowly. My whole world is tilting. "You're insane. This isn't you talking. The accident changed you."

"The accident changed everything," he agreed. "Tell me, if I wasn't in this chair, would you still be this loyal?"

"I don't know," I admitted after a pause. "But right now I choose to honor my vows."

David's eyes darkened. "Honor. Such a heavy word. Heavy enough to crush a woman like you."

I stood and reached for his medication. "I'm giving you your pills now. This talk is done."

He caught my arm. "One more question. If Julian or Marcus touched you tonight and kissed you the way you deserve, would you pull away? Or would your body finally breathe again?"

I yanked my arm free. Part of me wants to know the answer too. "I would pull away. Because I'm your wife."

David leaned back against the pillows. "We'll see about that. Because they're coming tomorrow, Clara. Both of them. With their bags."

My heart slammed against my ribs. Tomorrow? "You already invited them without asking me?"

"I did," he said simply. "For your sake. For all our sakes."

I stared at him, anger and fear mixing inside me. "What kind of husband does this?"

"The kind who knows his wife is starving," David replied. "Now come here and kiss me goodnight. Like a good, loyal wife."

I leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead. My lips barely touched his skin.

As I straightened up, he smiled. "Sweet dreams, Clara. Dream of them if you want. I won't mind."

I turned off the lamp and walked toward the bathroom, my hands shaking. Before I closed the door, I looked back at him one last time.

"David?"

"Yes?"

"Don't push me too far," I said quietly. "I'm not as broken as you think."

He chuckled softly in the dark. "Neither am I, my love. Neither am I."

I stepped into the bathroom and locked the door. My reflection stared back with wide hazel eyes. I wiped the fog from the mirror and noticed a tiny black glint in the corner of the frame. A lens?

My stomach dropped.

"Clara?" David's voice called, too calm. "Everything okay in there?"

I covered the spot quickly with a towel and whispered to myself, "What have you done, David?"

My hands trembled as I gripped the sink. Tomorrow, Julian and Marcus would walk through our front door. And nothing in this house would ever feel the same again.