THREE

I sat in the lawyer's office, trying to distract myself from the fact that it was too cold and stark. Even the waste bin that stood at the corner was white. There were no colours, just emptiness.

Nathan sat opposite me, with a frown on his face and his hands clamped together on the table.

I tried to pull my eyes away from him, but they were the same shade of blue as Neah's. It was a bittersweet feeling, for her to be so close and yet so far away.

“Why are you doing this? Is it because I forgot Neah's birthday? You followed me to the hospital yesterday simply because I was ignoring your calls and you made up a stupid story that Neah was in the ICU, so I'm not the only one that is petty. Something came up yesterday so I couldn't make it to Neah on time, Camille fell and knocked up the vase with her leg, she was bleeding and I couldn't ignore her.”

That was the first time he spoke to me this morning.

“Look, your eyes are puffy and red from crying, you don't really want this, do you? I'll make it up to Neah, I'll make arrangements for her birthday today.”

His words meant one thing but the harshness of his voice meant something else.

If only Nathan could understand that I've gone past the time where I would keep giving him chances. I extended my heart for him, in order to trust that he would do the things he said but now they've been spread too thin and I fear that I don't have a heart anymore

I wanted to tell him that Neah was dead, he should know what his actions had resulted to. How he had chosen Camille over Neah, how it had cost her life at the end. He should know that I had nothing to live for and that I was slowly dying. I sniffed back the tears and I shut my eyes, fighting to get a grip over my emotions.

The memories were coming back and it was like a blow to the face. My body started to tremble and I could feel the onset of a panic attack.

His phone buzzed and he lifted it from the table and stared at the screen a while before answering the call.

“Good morning baby,” Camille's soft voice wafted through the speaker.

The pain that I was feeling some moments ago deepened and morphed into rage. He was with Camille in the hospital simply because she fell and hurt her leg… and I had begged him to come and see Neah.

I told him she was dying and he laughed in my face. I called him like a mad woman, only for him to ignore my calls and let Neah die with disappointment in her heart.

He didn't care about Neah who had myocarditis and had been soaked by the rain. Neah who's heart was failing! He chose his mistress over her.

The lawyer entered and said a few apologies for his lateness. He was a short and stocky man. I had seen him so many times in the past.

He dropped a red file on the table and pulled out a pen from his cupboard and we began.

When I reached the section in the files about the child support, I paused.

“Is something wrong?” The lawyer asked me.

I shook my head but my pen remained in the air while I read through the file.

It said that Neah was going to be granted a monthly allowance for child support.

Neah was dead but maybe I could help other people in her condition, people that needed heart assist devices but could not afford it. I would help little kids.

I let the thought sit with me for a while and I felt a sense of relief come over me. I smiled for the first time in many hours, knowing that I was going to help a lot of kids.

“The child support for Neah, please make it a one time payment.”

“What you're asking is for me to turn five years of child support into a one time payment?” Nathan asked sharply.

“Yes, Nathan.”

“You're just after the money, aren't you? That's all you've ever wanted you stupid bitch!”

Nathan stood up and pushed his chair back. I watched him storm out of the room.

The Lawyer turned to me, shock written all over his face.

****

NATHAN

I went to the lobby of the office and I sat down in one of the chairs.

“Mr Hawkins, can I get you something?” The receptionist asked me but I waved her off.

I ran my fingers through my hair as I felt the anger surge through my veins…. Underneath all that anger was hurt and sadness.

I hadn't slept all night, I was awake thinking about how badly I had messed up. I came up with an apology to Diana, but when I saw the coldness in her eyes this morning, I kept shut and drove us to the lawyer's office.

While we were sitting there, I saw sadness flash through her eyes a lot of times and I let myself think that she might have feelings for me, she might feel something for the relationship that we've build throughout the years but like always, she was after my money and not me.

She never cared about me and I could not admit why it hurt so much, I would never even admit it to myself.

“Mr Hawkins?” the receptionist said again, concern etched over her face.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and glanced at the screen, I had gotten a text from Camille.

Unlike Diana, Camille actually cared about me.

So instead of texting her, I decided to call her and explain everything.

“If you give her the money, she'll be gone from your life and we can finally get married.” There was something desperate about the way Camille had been speaking.

I don't want Diana gone from my life, the realization was something that made me gag.

“Nathan, just give her the money. In a day or two, you'll forget she ever existed, I'll help you forget her.”

“What about Neah?...”

“Baby, just give Diana the money and move on. I'm here for you, all the steps of the way. I can even come to meet you in the lawyer's office, if you want…”

“No, it's fine.”

“Call me when everything is over, okay?”

I could not even manage a whisper, I just nodded even though she wouldn't see me.

I ended the call and headed back to the office.

Diana was sitting calmly, she watched me come in and she didn't take her eyes off me as I took the pen from the lawyer and made the proper adjustments. I signed the papers and handed it over to her.

She nodded her head in satisfaction when she was done with reading it.

“Thank you.” she said but her voice had no emotions in them, just like her eyes.

“You'll come begging. Watch and see!”

She didn't even flinch, she gave me a curt nod and she stood up.

I was certain that this would not be the end

“I can't wait to see tears streaming down your face, I can't wait to see you on your knees, begging for me to take you back.”

She grabbed her purse, and walked out of the office as if I were invisible.