TWO

As I sat in the funeral home, I could hear Neah's voice. I might be running mad, but I accepted that madness, if it meant that I could still have Neah with me.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I reluctantly pulled it out. I tapped the notification and I was directed to an entertainment page where they showed a picture of Nathan and Camille.

The headline said that they were spotted in a luxury store, shopping together and as I skimmed through the page, I read that they've confirmed dating rumours.

Our relationship had always been lacking in many aspects. He didn't love me then, but we learned to live with each other. Neah was the thread keeping us together.

He used to be kinder to us, and one time I was delusional enough to think that he would finally love me and Neah, but the moment Camille returned, he snapped.

He was never at home and when he was, he was never aware of our presence. Neah always tried and failed to get his attention.

And invisible knife twisted my guts when I recalled how he had shoved her away when she handed him a drawing of the three of us. I ran to her as she cried and when I yelled at him for it, he pushed me away so hard it felt like a blow to my chest.

He didn't return home for weeks. Things changed then.

My heart ached and tears ran down my cheeks. Neah was gone? I cried for a very long while, oblivious to the fact that people might be watching.

I turned off the phone and pushed it back into my pocket. I was expecting to feel something.

Anger, hurt, or betrayal… But I could feel nothing but emptiness. I didn't have any more tears left to cry.

A tall young woman with red hair approached me, in her hand was a clipboard.

“Mrs Diana Hawkins?”

“Yes, that's me.” I said standing up.

“It says here on the birth certificate that the father's name is Nathan Hawkins”

“Yes, is there a problem?”

“No ma'am, it's just a policy that the father and mother should both be present and give consent to the cremation.”

“Neah's father is somewhere with his mistress, he wasn't even present when she died.”

The young woman was taken aback but she nodded and pointed to a door.

“Please come with me.”

***

Immediately after I got home, I curled up on Neah's bed and I stayed there for a long time clutching her blanket.

I wondered how long her scent would last in the blanket… Was there a way that I could preserve it?

I heard the door of Neah's bedroom open and I didn't need to look to see who was standing there.

“Is Neah asleep already? I got her a present.” Nathan said, but I didn't reply.

After a moment, I heard his footsteps approaching and his hands squeezed my shoulder.

“So you're awake and you're not saying anything? Where is Neah, is she in the playroom… give this to her.”

He threw a box on the bed and it opened to reveal a huge diamond necklace, too large for a child.

“Oh, I picked the wrong gift. This is supposed to be for Camille.” he said as he leaned in and grabbed the box.

“I want a divorce.” I said as I turned to Nathan.

In the dimness of the room, his ocean blue eyes still stood out and I could see the fear in them. But he blinked and the fear was gone, leaving me to wonder if it was there at all.

“Did you hear me? I said I want a divorce.”

“Okay. I'll call my lawyer to prepare the papers but it would have to wait till tomorrow.”

I said nothing but he still stood there.

“I'll keep Jack.”

“You can keep the dog. You rescued it.”

The room fell silent again but Nathan's presence was loud enough.

“Apologize to Neah for me, tell her that I didn't mean to break my promise and on her next birthday, I'll do something different.”

I gave Nathan a cold smile that made him recoil.

He stared at me in disbelief for a while before he turned around and left.