MasukBy Tuesday, I had developed a system. It wasn’t a good system. It wasn’t a healthy system. It definitely wasn’t a system I would’ve recommended to anyone else. But it was a system, which meant my brain could pretend it was handling things.
Rule one: don’t think about the kiss. Rule two: if I did think about the kiss, immediately think about something else. Rule three: if that failed, think about Clair. This should’ve worked better thI left the bedroom before I said something I couldn’t take back. The hallway outside felt cooler, darker, easier to breathe in than the room I’d just walked out of. Behind me, I could still hear the tail end of Clair’s voice sharp, offended, furious that I wouldn’t just do what she wanted and stop making everything difficult. I didn’t look back. My jaw was tight enough to hurt. The whole argument was still burning through me in ugly fragments. I hit the stairs too fast, one hand brushing the wall as I took them, and nearly walked straight into someone at the bottom. A hand caught my shoulder before we collided properly. “Easy, Hayes.” Of course it was Tyler. I looked up too quickly and found him standing right there in the half light of the hall, one hand still on my shoulder, expression already halfway amused. “You trying to break your neck?” he asked. “I’m fine.” He gave me one
By Friday, I had made the mistake of thinking I understood how bad things were. That was on me. I had my grades pulling back into line, or at least wobbling in the right direction. Leonard had stopped looking at me like I was one badly formatted spreadsheet away from collapse. Tara had gone from calling me haunted to calling me “annoyingly mysterious.". Even Clair had been easier with me for a couple of days. Less sharp, less suspicious and more openly affectionate in the hallways like she was reclaiming territory she thought had started slipping. It should have felt like relief.Instead it felt like standing on thin ice and hearing cracks under the surface every time Tyler came too close.Which was often enough to be a problem. He’d brushed his hand against my back near the lockers that morning when a crowd of juniors jammed the corridor, and my body had reacted so stupidly fast that I’d had to pretend I was coughing just to cover the hitch in my breathing. Later,
For all the damage Tyler had done to my internal stability, he’d also done one deeply inconvenient thing. He’d made me laugh. Not once, either. Repeatedly. In the library, in passing, in those stupid little moments where he’d look at one of my colour coded revision sheets like I’d handed him evidence from a crime scene and then say something just sharp enough to get through my mood before I could defend against it.I hated that. I hated it because it felt good. And I hated it even more because Leonard and Tara noticed almost immediately.“You look less haunted,” Tara said on Thursday at lunch, dropping into the seat beside me with the kind of energy that suggested she’d either had too much sugar or slept a full eight hours, both of which I found suspicious.“That’s a rude thing to say to someone before he’s finished eating,” I replied.“It’s true,” she said. “Last week you looked like the ghost of a Victorian schoolboy who died under mysterious ac
I took my father’s threat seriously. Not because I wanted to, but I had to. By Wednesday, I’d built myself a schedule so rigid it looked like the planning grid for a military operation. Library after school Monday through Thursday. Practice tests on weekends. Flash cards for economics. Revised chapter notes for business studies. No parties, no unnecessary trips out, no wasting time pretending I could afford to drift. It almost worked. Almost.The problem was that trying to regain control of my grades didn’t magically fix the rest of me. I could sit in class and take perfect notes. I could answer questions and hand in assignments and keep my expression neutral when teachers looked at me a little too closely, like they’d noticed the dip and were waiting to see whether I climbed back out of it.But the second Tyler crossed my line of sight, all that careful control still went unsteady. He wasn’t helping. Not by doing anything obvious. That would’ve been easier. It's e
By Monday afternoon, I had convinced myself I could keep everything contained. That was becoming a habit. A bad grade? Recoverable. One disastrous night with Clair? Explainable.The constant, humiliating fact that my body kept reacting to Tyler like it had developed a personality disorder? Temporary.I told myself all of that while sitting in business studies, writing notes that looked neat and organised and completely unlike the inside of my head.The problem with pretending everything is under control is that eventually someone notices.Mr. Calder noticed first. He handed back a short in class assessment ten minutes before the bell and paused at my desk just long enough to place the paper face down in front of me. That, more than anything, told me it was bad.I turned it over. Seventy one. Not a disaster, not to anyone else. To me, it felt like proof. Proof that whatever had gone wrong inside me wasn’t staying private anymore. It was le
The rest of the night felt wrong. That was the simplest way to put it. The haunted house spat us back out into the cold carnival air with all its noise and lights and sugar sick chaos, and Clair immediately started complaining about how bad it had been, how one of the actors had smelled like cigarettes, how the mirror room had been “cheap in an insulting way.” I nodded in the right places. Answered when she paused long enough to need a response. Walked beside her with one hand in my pocket and the other holding hers like I still belonged entirely in my own body. I didn’t. Every few minutes, my mind replayed the same impossible sequence. Tyler stepping out of the dark. My own stupid jealousy. His hand on my jaw. The fact that I had kissed him first that time. That detail kept cutting deepest. Because it meant I couldn’t keep building this whole mess around what Tyler had done to me, or what he wanted, or what kind of person he was. It mea







