Deseo Enfermizo

•Evangeline•

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My window faced the vast gardens of our estate. The view that was hidden away from the world. No one really comes to this side of the garden except for the gardener. He comes twice a week, works for hours and hours on end and then he leaves before sunset. I'm not allowed to see him when he comes to tend to the garden, I'm supposed to close my curtain and sit in the dark until he leaves.

He can not see me or there are going to be consequences.

I sat silently and just watched the calming scenery before me, the soft night light, the chirping of the crickets, and the sky illuminated with a million stars.

I took a deep breath as I yearned to run through these gardens with my hair flowing freely in the wind. I wanted to roam these gardens anytime I wanted without the fear of not being seen, I wanted to play in the dirt, and dance around in rain.

But I couldn't.

My whole life, my whole existence I have been in this room, locked away, safe and secure.

The outside world is not for someone as innocent as you, Evangeline - those are my father's words.

It's what I was brought up to believe in. He told me the things that happen in our world, all the bad things. How people die, how people suffer, how the whole world is out to hurt me.

The world is a dangerous place and you are easy prey, Evangeline. You are innocent and naive and you lack physical strength. This world will chew you alive - this is what I hear in return if I ever asked to go out.

I want to believe it. I used to believe all of it but now I don't know if I do. Not everyone can be bad, right? There are good people too. I wanted to believe my parent's words but lately, there has been this urge inside of me that wanted to explore this world, meet people, have fun, and live like a normal eighteen-year-old girl.

Tearing my gaze away from the garden, I looked back into my room. A desk, a lamp, and a chair are placed in the corner of my room. There is where I study, I graduated high school through homeschooling. I don't know how it happened, I never appeared for my exams but now I have a high school diploma.

Normal kids will go to colleges after the summer but I won't. Even after this summer, I'll be stuck here in this room for the rest of my life.

Turning back to the window, I unlocked it. I opened it a little and felt the waft of cold air on my face. The curtain lightly blew with the wind and I breathe in deeply.

My parents aren't bad people. They love me, they love me too much to let anything bad happen to me. That is why they keep me here in this room.

Safe...

I got off my window seat and made my way to our family picture resting on my nightstand. I picked it up and smiled, it was just us. My mom, dad, me, and Leo.

I'm allowed to wander in my house but for a fixed time only. We always have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together as a family. My dad works a lot but he always makes time to eat with us.

I placed the photo frame back on the nightstand and settled on my bed. It was a huge bed with a canopy, a bed fit for a princess. Before my bed was a big TV. It was my only way to the outside world. Every week dad brings new movies for me, and when I watch them the outside world feels like a dream and not a threat.

I have talked about it to my dad. I asked if the world is so dangerous then why don't they show it in the movies? He said movies are an escape from reality. He said people make movies because it's the world they dream of. It's not the world they live in, it's fake.

I sighed and shook my head. I opened my bedside drawer and pulled out a book. The book I have started reading to get rid of boredom.

Every two seconds, I glanced at the wall clock. It was almost time. Any minute now they will open my bedroom door, so, I can have dinner with my parents. I was trying to read but the excitement bubbled inside of me as time passed by.

A gentle knock on the door was enough for me to jump up from my bed and run to it. I opened the door and saw Maria, our maid. She has been with us even before I was born. We had a staff of over more than fifty people, I think, but the only two people who were allowed to talk to me were Maria and Leo, our butler. My parents trusted them.

She gave me a gentle smile. "Evangeline"

I returned the smile eagerly. "Maria..."

"Make yourself presentable and then meet us downstairs at the dining table. Your parents are waiting"

I nodded vigorously. "Okay..."

She turned and went downstairs. I walked straight into my closet and put on a dress. I combed my hair and walked outside my room. It was the only time they left my door unlocked.

I ran downstairs and into the dining room. My father stood up as he saw me. He opened his arms wide, asking for a hug. I ran into his arms and hugged him with all my might.

He laughed wholeheartedly. "Were you missing me?"

"So much, you have no idea!" I squealed.

I pulled back and saw mom smiling at us as she joined the hug.

"I have big news for you," he told me.

My mouth dropped open. "Really, what?" I asked, suddenly getting impatient.

Anything new excites me. I have never heard him say that before. News for me? He never has any news for me. This is new and exciting!

He laughed. "Come on, let's have dinner first"

"Can't you tell me before?" I asked

"No, dinner first!"

I huffed and we all settled down in our respective seats as Maria served us food. Dad said a prayer and then we started to eat. We ate our food in peace, dad doesn't like to talk while eating. It's considered impolite and improper.

I was done. I put down the fork and leaned forward watching my father excitedly. Waiting for him to tell me the news. Once my father was done with his meal, he cleaned his face with a napkin.

"Now, who wants to know the good news?" Dad asked

"Me, dad, please."

It was a rhetorical question but I answered him anyway.

Mom and dad glanced at each other smiling before looking back at me. Watching their faces, my excitement grew more and more. All I could think about was the news. What could he possibly tell me?

"You finally graduated high school?" he questioned.

I nodded. "Yes"

"Would you like to attend college, a real college?"

His words took my breath away. I couldn't believe what he had said. I gasped and then took a long, deep breath to keep myself calm.

I frowned, did I hear him right? "W-what?"

Dad smiled and held my hand. "How would you like it if we moved and started a new life away from here, where you don't have to hide anymore?"

I opened my mouth to say something but the words couldn't get out. I closed my mouth as I let his words settle in my brain. Tears welled up in my eyes, it was shocking and unbelievable.

"Are you... Are you saying that I could finally be f-free? And go to college like a normal girl?"

Dad kissed the back of my hand. "Yes, that is exactly what I am saying"

"Oh god..." I wiped the tear that slid down my cheek. "Yes, dad... Yes, I would love that! It would be like a dream come true"

Dad wiped my tears and smiled at me. "So, it's settled then. We are moving away from here, where my daughter can have a normal life"

I jumped up from my seat and pulled dad in for a hug. He hugged me back instantly, wrapping his arms around me tightly.

"Now go get ice cream from the kitchen. We are celebrating with ice cream" he laughed.

I nodded. "When are we leaving and starting over?"

Mom placed a hand on my back, rubbing my back up and down. "Soon, my love. Your dad has some stuff he needs to take care of before we leave"

I left the dining room to get to the kitchen, I opened the refrigerator and pulled out two pints of ice cream. I was still in shock. I couldn't believe it was finally happening. I was finally going to be free, free of my room, free of this house. I'll see the world. I'll meet new people.

When I re-entered the dining room, mom had tears in her eyes. She was crying and talking to dad about something. Their conversation seemed intense, and my smile fell. I couldn't help but wonder if there was something wrong.

"Mom is everything okay?" I asked while placing the ice cream pints on the table. Mom wiped her tears and gave me a small smile, dad smiled too, wiping the tense emotion off of his face.

"Of course, sweetie, everything's fine. Your dad and I were just talking about moving..."

That put a smile back on my face. I sat down in my chair. "I still can't believe it."

Mom shook her head, smiling. "We have so many memories in this house, you were born here, and now..."

"It's okay mom, we will make new and better memories," I said trying to lighten up her mood.

She nodded and opened up the ice cream pints. Mom and dad talked about random things, how everything will be, and what are we going to do. I just sat there with a big grin on my face. I just couldn't believe I was about to go to college, and finally, have a life.

After dinner, I was sent back to my bedroom. The door locked from the outside but today, it didn't bother me. It didn't bother me at all. I think I will go crazy with excitement.

I sat on my bed and continued reading the book with a newfound interest. The time flew by in a blink of an eye, I glanced at the clock and saw that it was two in the morning.

Finally!

Everyone must be asleep by now. It was my little secret that no one knew about. I walked to the window and opened it. I stepped out onto the narrow banister just below my window and slowly slid to the side.

I grabbed the drainpipe, and carefully stepped down. When my feet touched the grass, I let go. I heaved a sigh, it was a daily struggle to come down to the ground and then go back up but it was worth it.

I loved laying on the grass beneath the stars, thinking one day I will touch them with my hands even if it burns. The stars were my friends. I was so excited to tell them about what dad had said, I was excited to tell them that we are moving away.

Being here alone at this time of the night gave me a different kind of peace. The thoughts in my mind always ran wild at night. My imagination would be off the charts.

I don't know how much time I lay there under the beautiful night sky, imagining myself in different scenarios, mostly thinking about going to college.

BAM!

I jolted up in a sitting position by a loud booming noise. I immediately stood up and ran back towards the wall, if mom and dad saw me, they will be furious.

I was about to climb up the drainpipe when I heard a loud ear-piercing scream. It wasn't just any scream, it was my mother's.

I was frozen in my spot, my back against the wall. Something was not right. I heard multiple men yelling and an even scarier sound resonated through the estate.

My breath quickened and I used every muscle in my body to stifle a whimper. My palms got sweaty, my heart was pounding inside of my chest, and I bit my lower lip to prevent any sound from coming out of my mouth, I inched towards the voices of men coming from the inside of our house when I heard shots fired.

A surprised scream escaped from my lips and I hastily covered my mouth with both of my hands, nobody heard my scream due to the loud banging noises coming from the inside of the house. More shots were fired and I couldn't move, my mind stopped working, and my muscles went absolutely numb with fear.

I slid down against the wall and brought my knees to my chest, curling up into a ball, and blocking out all the gunshots that rang out through the mansion. I put my fist in my mouth to conceal my cries.

My parents... All I could think about were my parents. I hoped they were alive and fine. I wanted to pinch myself and wake up in my bed and pretend that it was just a nightmare. A bad dream nothing else.

More gunshots rang out, and I covered my ears, trying to block out the noise. I heard heavy footsteps fading away, men shouting over each other, announcing that the job was done.

The job was done? What did that mean?

They spoke in a language I couldn’t understand, my fear numbing me to the words.

Moments later, the house fell eerily silent, too quiet, almost suffocating. Whoever had broken in had left.

My legs shook uncontrollably as I forced myself to stand. I moved toward the front of the house with dread, never having seen this side of our estate from outside before.

The first thing I saw were bloody shoe prints smeared across the ground. I choked back a scream and summoned every ounce of courage to climb the stairs. Our large wooden door had been smashed open. I wiped my tears and took a shuddering breath.

Please, let everyone be alive...

I stepped into the foyer and the sight that greeted me left me stunned...