After Alexander

ALEX (in his head):

For months I've told her exactly how I'd ruin her. How I'd tie her up, make her beg, make her forget her husband's name.

She came here shaking. Mascara ruined. Lip trembling. Nodding yes but barely breathing.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't treat her like the others.

My mistresses come to me to be punished. She came to me to feel safe.

So I didn't give her what I promised. I gave her what she needed. I felt something different, I felt the need to be gentle with her.

Sweet. Slow. I made love to her like she was mine to protect, not mine to break.

And god, when she whispered my name... I knew I'd never be able to go back to the others.

He watched me as I slept peacefully.

I woke up to find his face staring at me, face to face. So close I could feel his breath.

I reached for my phone.

Multiple voice messages. Calls. 23 missed calls. All from Ethan. For the past 2 hours.

I checked the time. It was almost 12 am.

"Oh my God," I whispered.

I quickly sat up, rushing to the bathroom while Alex watched me. I didn't even look at him.

"I have to go... I have to go," I said, quickly dressing up. My hands were shaking trying to zip my dress.

He was just staring. Lying there. He didn't try to stop me

At the car.

I sat in the driver's seat and my hands wouldn't stop shaking. I couldn't drive like this.

I played Ethan's voice message.

"Hey... Rayn, I'm an asshole. And I'm sorry. Please call me. Where are you? I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it Babe,I was just... please, Rayn, call me."

My heart was beating so fast. Guilt and fear all at once. It was choking me.

I was cheating. I had just cheated.

Tears blurred my eyes. I rested my head on the steering wheel and cried. Loud. Ugly.

When I got home, Leo was already sleeping. It was Ethan, pacing around the parlor. His phone still in his hands. Shirt creased, eyes red.

The door opened and I walked in.

"Oh God..." He let out a sigh of relief.

"I've been so worried. Where were you?"

He ran to me and hugged me tight.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry for what I said. We're going to be fine. We can work this out."

I was emotionless. Just standing there in his arms,

"I will do better, babe. Please don't walk out on me like that ever again."

I swallowed the guilt and lied.

"I met up with Kate.We had drinks. I needed to clear my head."

He pulled back to look at me. He believed me.

He held my face in both his hands, like he was scared I'd run again.

"Listen to me, Rayn. This evening... this evening made me realise what it means to lose you."

"When you walked out, I thought my life stopped. The house went silent. Leo was asking for you and I didn't know what to tell him."

"I know I've been an asshole. I've been distant, I've been cruel with my words. But I swear on Leo, on us — I'm ready to work things out."

"I don't want to be the man that loses his wife because of pride. I want to be better. For you. For Leo. For us."

"Please, Rayn. Give me a chance to fix this. We can start over. Tonight."

When he said "We're going to be fine," I finally breathed.

Relief washed over me. Heavy, dizzying relief.

He didn't know. He believed me.

I closed my eyes and let him hug me, even though I felt nothing. My body was numb, but my heart was racing because I had gotten away with it.

For tonight, I was safe. For tonight, I was still his wife and Leo's mother

I hugged him back and whispered, "Okay."

Not because I forgave him. But because I needed him to stop looking at me.

I was in the bathroom, just staring at the mirror. I turned my neck and saw it.

A hickey. Alex gave me a hickey. Dark, right on my collarbone.

Shit.

I grabbed my concealer and started dabbing at it, hands shaking, trying to cover it up.

My screen popped on.

Are you good?

It was Alex's message.

I am, I typed back.

Was I too hard on you? he sent.

I swallowed hard. My eyes darted to the bathroom door to see if anyone was coming.

I was about to type back when —

"Rayn...." Ethan called from the bedroom.