Ryan exploded out of Lisa’s office and immediately walked outside. I follow her out.
Lisa shares an office with several other therapists. The building is surrounded by a wide grassy lawn with a flower garden and benches, a water fountain, and what looks like a walking path that doubles as some sort of maze. There is a sign outside of the maze that says “Meditative Walking Path.” Ryan heads towards the path.
“Ryan!” I call after her. “Ryan, what’s wrong?”
She turns around and her face is splotchy with tears running down her cheeks. “My parents. Of all the people that I need to understand, they just
I see Ryan and Carter stand up from the middle of the meditation path and begin folding blankets. Ryan often goes to the path when she is upset, so it doesn’t surprise me that she is there. And that Carter is there with her. Damn, I really screwed up. I shouldn’t have yelled at her. I shouldn’t have brought this up at all. Lisa is completely right. Joyce and I are expecting Ryan to come to us with everything that hurts and that we can help her. Just like when I used to kiss her cuts and scrapes as a child. But that isn’t how this works. I have to accept it. I have to do the work. Joyce steps out of the office and next to me on the porch. She had been with the receptionist, making an appointment with our therapist.
I’m sitting in my mom’s car outside of the school. She purposefully drove me here after the homeroom bell rang so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the crush and movement of people. It’s December of my sophomore year and the first time that I have set foot in the school this year. After the rape, Tommy’s arrest, my suicide attempt, and the trial, this is the first that I’ve felt like I could come back. We’ve already met with the principal and my teachers to work out a plan. Lisa has met with the counselor, Mrs. Lewdwig, and they have a plan. Mom and Dad have a plan. My friends have a plan. All these plans for when I fall apart. It’s like they’re already counting on me not getting through the day.&
After we get back to Ryan’s house, Ryan and I set ourselves up at the table to go through the work that we missed on Monday and Tuesday. It isn’t too much and we finish within a few hours. I asked Ryan if she wants to start working on her impact statement, but she says she needs some time before she starts. “Maybe I’ll do it with Lisa in our session next week,” Ryan says. “Ok,” I eye her when she’s not looking. She seems to be feeling a lot better, all things considering, but I can tell that she’s avoiding dealing with this. Hell, I would too, so I get it. “Hey, Ryan and Carter,” Mrs. Miller says, walking into the kitchen. “You have been stuck in the house for the l
Carter pulls in beside a tall oak tree. The lake glistens in the starlight. There are only a few other cars in the area, probably because it’s a school night. I unbuckle my seatbelt and pull off my sweater. Mom was right. It was freezing in the movie theater, but the night is still warm at the beginning of October. Carter had rolled the windows down and I was finally warm. I toss my sweater into the back seat with my purse and make eye contact with Carter. He smiles at me with a combination of anxiety and excitement. I completely understand. “So&he
Last night was probably the best night of my life. Ryan told me she loved me. I don’t really remember anything that happened at school today, except for Band and lunch when I was with Ryan. I feel giddy. It’s crazy how Ryan has come to mean so much to me in such a short period of time. All I want to do is be with Ryan right now, but I promised that I would go paintballing with the guys (plus Jaime), so here I am. We are out in the woods at a range in the next town over. We gear up by our cars. I don’t think people realize how much padding you need to wear in order to play paintball. Those fuckers hurt and leave huge bruises and welts on your skin. You remember that line from the movie A Chri
“Earth to Ryan,” Ayo says, waving her hands in front of my eyes. “What’s up?” I say, blinking quickly and look at her. “Chica, donde estas?” We’ve been calling your name for five minutes,” Ayo says. “Sorry girls,” I say, smiling in apology. “Thinking about Carter?” Jess asks.
On Saturday, Ryan and I go with Patrick, Ayo, and Jess to see Fight Club. It’s just as epic as it was the first time. “Holy fuck!” Patrick yells as the credits close and the lights are brought up in the theater. He, Ayo, and Jess are stunned. “That was the BEST MOVIE EVER!” Ayo yells back at Patrick and the two of them high-five. They really do belong together. “I was not prepared for the car-sized dick on the screen,” Jess says, flatly. I laugh out loud and Ryan joins me. As we walk out the door of the the
It’s Monday morning, I haven’t heard from Carter since he ran out of our movie night. He left a message on our answering machine while we were in the yard on Sunday. All he said was that he wouldn’t be able to take me to school for a few days, but other than that, nothing. I’m really worried and so are my folks. The plan is to swing by his house after school today. But when I go, his car isn’t there. I’m not sure what to do, so I scratch a note on a piece of paper. Carter -