Ecstasy

Yasmin:

Tears streamed down my face as I staggered up the stairs. My finger gripped my tummy and low groans rumbled in my throat. It was over. It was finally over. Twenty-one days of no food and water was finally over and I felt like I walked on the thin line between life and death.

Dad said that fasting made you stronger, drew you closer to the Lord but I felt weaker than water and close to the Lord… Yes, I was. On the verge of death, close to meeting Him.

It would have been bearable if I didn't get my period yesterday. Bleeding and hungry, my womb and stomach were out to get me. There was never a combination so terrible.

My fingers ran on the cold stone walls of the convent as I willed myself to the dining room. Every stone step moved under my feet, each breath was a task. Arghhh… the pain was getting worse. My insides were pulling themselves apart. Lord, why?!

I stopped; my legs shook under me. I took a deep breath and that's when I smelled it. Cinnamon rolls! And was that… maple syrup!

A salty feeling filled my mouth and I found my second wind. With renewed strength, I willed myself up the stairs and soon I stumbled into the dining room.

The tables were laid. It smelled divine, the aroma of warm rolls and other baked goods made my mouth water.

“Sister Yasmin, are you…”

Without warning, I dashed past the nun to a table and sat down, my eyes fixed on a warm bun and my impatient hands reaching out to grab it.

“No! Not yet!" Sister Gwen snapped, slapping my hand away with a wooden spoon and I withdrew immediately, rubbing my hand painfully.

Sister Gwen’s narrow almond eyes glared at me and I felt my heart skip a beat. As the head nun, her glare was famous and I had found myself under the weight of it many times.

“Please, Sister Gwen, I got…”

“I don’t care, Yasmin!” she snapped, slamming the wooden spoon on the table, making me jump. “You will wait for the other sisters. No. Exceptions!”

As she stormed away, a tear slipped down my cheek. I might as well be dead by the time the other sisters got here. My uterus took another jab at me and my growling stomach followed with a right hook. I lowered my head on the table and cried silent tears of pain and anguish, gripping my tummy harder, powerless against the abdominal onslaught in my body.

One by one, nuns came in and took their seats. I was half asleep and I could hear the whispers and feel the pointing fingers as they gossiped about me. It happened all the time. None of the sisters liked me and for good reason. The dinning room slowly became rowdier as sisters trooped in, chatting and blessing each other, talking about the fast.

Arghhh… I was fading slowly, the pain intensifying and mauling my insides. I lifted my head and saw a bun placed on a small plate in front of me. The priest had not yet come and I was on the verge of meeting the Lord. I couldn’t bear this anymore.

The bum smelled divine and warmed my palms. I sunk my teeth into it and its sweetness blessed my tongue. Tears pricked my eyes and I felt the monster in my stomach weaken, his blows having less of an impact.

Sisters pointed and whispered even louder but I didn’t care. In medical emergencies, sisters could refuse to fast or break it earlier and if what I was feeling wasn’t a medical emergency, then I didn’t know what was.

I took another bite and groaned in satisfaction, a tear rolling down my face as I felt a glimpse of sunshine. Finally, death didn’t feel so near.

Just as I was about to sink my teeth in again, the sound of rustling feet filled the room and all the sisters rose to their feet. I did the same, placing my almost-finished bun back on my plate. Hands clasped together and at the south door, the priest walked in.

My chest tightened as I saw him; his green eyes, black hair and lean frame covered by the cassock he wore. Sister Gwen hurried to him and whispered in his ear as he leaned in. In a split second, a shudder ran down my spine. Those green eyes were fixed on me and calm anger began to brew in them. I had known that look all my life, since the day I was born and it was no use hiding my eaten bun behind my back.

Sister Gwen sneered at me and walked away, it felt like forever before the priest turned away from me and addressed the entire room.

“We are thankful that the Lord gave us strength to fast. His light shines through all of us as well as his strength. During this period, I heard from him and in accordance with his instruction, I will be going on a sabbatical tomorrow as He has directed.–”

Murmurs filled the room. Heads turned left and right and I was left standing there with mixed feelings. Was this good? Bad?

“The Lord shall direct you all as I go on my sabbatical. Now, let us pray.”

Eyes all around the room shut and I did the same. However, my mind was haywire, my body taut and in my mind's eyes, those green eyes were still staring at me.

Easy Yasmin. Don’t panic. All you need to do is explain. Explain that you are on your period and everything should be fine.

My breathing was short and shallow. The pain in my uterus was still gnawing at me and now my stomach was churning from anxiety. My eyes fluttered open and closed and my fingers began to tremble.

After the final ‘amen’, all eyes opened and I was found staring at those green eyes again. My heart skipped a beat and my knees trembled as I lowered myself to my seat.

“Sister Yasmin,” the priest called, his voice calm but still making me jump as it pierced through the crowd in the dining room, causing all eyes to turn to me. “Please see me in my office.”

A lump formed in my throat and the pain in my uterus vanished as I stood up and walked towards the front. With every step, the wagging tongues, pointing fingers and Sister Gwen’s sinister smile sealed my doom.

“Father Kavari,” I whimpered with my head bowed as I reached the front. He placed a gentle hand on the top of my head.

“Please go to my office and wait for me,” he said sweetly,

I said nothing and walked away. My head was spinning with questions as I found myself in the dark and cold corridors and soon, in front of Father…. office.

The ebony black door, with the sign of the cross carved in its wood, revived memories, dark memories that made me flinch in fear.

“Go inside, Sister Yasmin.”

I didn’t need to be told whose voice that was and a hand from behind stretched past me and turned the door knob. I entered with Father Kavari right behind me. My heart skipped a beat as the door clicked shut and I was standing in the dim room that smelled strongly of incense.

“What is this that Sister Gwen told me about you? That you broke your fast early?”

My eyes were fixed on the floor and the priest’s robed feet came into view.

“I am on…”

“Look at me when I am talking to you.”

I raised my head and even in the dim room, I could still see those green eyes that burned with unspoken anger, veiled by a calm voice.

“Is what Sister Gwen told me true?”

I gulped and took a deep breath. There was no turning back now.

“I… I was on my period, Dad. I was really weak and hungry.”

His eyes darkened and he took a step closer, towering above me as he raised himself to his full height.

“You might be my own flesh and blood but I told you not to call me, ‘Dad’. I am the priest…”